The Ravenloft Chronicles- Shit Storm: Book One, Chapter Two

There's More Than One Way to Skin a Monkey

Dramatis Personae:
Kithri "Quickshadow" Tealeaf, the Lightfoot Halfling Werebat Order of the Lycan Blood Hunter and Ruin Raider
Tilea Aervavil'A'Sum, the Wild Elf Circle of the Moon Druid Barbarian
Scritch, Tilea's Squirrel Animal Companion
Sachi Kno, the Vistani Weremonkey Thief
Forgrotken Anvilrocker, the Blugrim Forge Cleric of Moradin
Pineck, Anvil's Horse

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Kithri's perspective, anything in italics is from a third party view, since the Hunter can't be everywhere at once. 

***** Hetedik Honap 1, CY 735, Blood of the Vine Tavern, Village of Barovia

       Just as we got the door to the room closed, the sun sank. Sachi had taken another berry from Tilea, so he couldn't shift; I could, and got into my hybrid form. Sachi may not have been able to shift, but he still got the full moon bloodlust, and the door was magically sealed until dawn now, bloody Hells.

       Sachi leapt at me and I tangled him in my whip. Of course he got himself untangled quickly, but I just hit him again. The boy lunged at me again, missing, and I whipped him hard enough to knock him out. I used my manacles and rope to hog tie the little shit. An hour later he got out of one of the sets of manacles, but I knocked him back out and redid the bindings. I'm not going to get any bloody sleep tonight. This happened two more hours in a row. On the third time, as I was redoing his bindings again, Belmont strode in and told me he'd deal with Sachi so I could go sleep; I was so bloody grateful- and I'm starting to think this bloke is stalking me.

***** Hetedik Honap 2, Blood of the Vine Tavern, Village of Barovia

       I slept in a little, dealing with Sachi was bloody annoying. I'm so used to having control and being 'round those with control that I forget sometimes that not everyone is in the Order. I was very pleasantly surprised when I got up to find Anvil had bought us a feast; everyone was there except for poor Sachi, who'd been put in Tilea's room once the sun rose. Over breakfast, Anvil began asking Belmont about consecration again, and was again told to stop asking because it's allegedly a myth.

      After breakfast we decided to go enjoy day two of the Solstice festivities, and today was what they called the Festival of the Blazing Sun. There was a parade of unhappy children who were dressed up as flowers trudging through the muddy streets of Barovia, leading a group of sorry-looking men and women, who carried a wicker ball that was 10 feet in diameter. The burgomaster and his wife, who was holding a pathetic bouquet of wiling flowers, followed this procession on horseback. As Barovians gathered to watch, the ball is hung in the town square from a 15 foot high wooden scaffold; then the townsfolk began splashing it with oil. Before the burgomaster can light the ball, the sky tore open in a sudden downpour. The burgomaster cried out "all will be well" before brandishing his torch, that looked like it was about to go out, and marched to the wicker ball... His torch went out just as he thrust it into the sphere. The crowd erupted in a singular laugh before the burgomaster glared at everyone- if only the fire in his eyes could be used to light the pathetic wicker ball.

       Anvil offered to help the burgomaster with the ball, and was instantly told no. The burgomaster spent the next couple of minutes fiddling with a soggy flint, trying to get the damned ball to light. When Anvil couldn't watch anymore, he stepped up to the burgomaster and used a spell that dropped a pillar of radiant light onto the wicker ball... completely incinerating it. Tilea and I watched in horror, knowing we couldn't step in.

       The stupid bloke then gathered a bunch of wicker baskets from the townsfolk and demanded rope. He proudly hung the new, misshapen ball, and the burgomaster called for the guards. The poor fucker was arrested promptly, and he did not seem to understand why.

       Belmont materialized behind Tilea and I and told us that an army of demons was called upon Anvil's head for repeatedly asking about consecration in public- after he'd been warned about how monumentally stupid that was.

       Tilea sent a mouse to follow where the guards were taking Anvil. The mouse got eaten by a cat, but the mouse managed to chew its way out of the cat's stomach, killing it; but before Tilea could get to it, it bled to death from a missing leg. 

       I went to try to get Sachi up, while Tilea continued to follow Anvil. I woke Sachi up with a huge plate of food and a massive pot of tea to get him up and moving. He wasn't pleased about being woken up, and chugged the entire pot of tea, right out of the pot! He wouldn't even let me put it in a cup for him. Uncivilized little shit. But he learned his lesson about chugging tea straight from the pot- he got the runs and spent the next twenty minutes shitting. I don't know how he does it. At least at the end of it he'd passed the goodberry and could shift again.

       Sachi zipped off to find Anvil and I followed in my little bat form. By the time I got there, Sachi was perched on a roof and Anvil was outside. Then a dire wolf appeared under Anvil, which I assumed was Tilea. She turned to run from a figure in black, but the person grabbed onto Tilea. I slashed at the figure, then Sachi jumped on her and began to pick her pockets before he ran away. Anvil attempted to shove her and he was rewarded by the figure hitting both him and Tilea hard, then the woman vanished. I caught up to Tilea quickly and climbed on, hiding myself in Anvil's shadow.

       Tilea found a dire wolf den for us to hide in, and she dominated them, becoming the new alpha. Anvil wanted to go back for his stuff, but we had to wait until dark to do so. Thankfully, Belmont had given Sachi a couple potions to keep him sane during the moon, so we didn't have to worry about the monkey losing his shit again.

       After about four hours, a shadow passed over our cave. Sachi saw Strahd approaching us, and hurried into the cave to warn us that Strahd was here. We had just a moment to prepare for what would not end well. Twelve wolves appeared at the mouth of the cave, then Strahd stepped up and told us to give him the one who seeks consecration; if we complied, the rest of us would live, if we refused, we would all die.

       Anvil admitted it was him, but said he'd given up on it; Strahd said he still had to kill him for asking about it. The vampire asked what Anvil's clan's motive was for looking for the information, and Anvil said they were just trying to recover lost knowledge. Sachi offered to buy Anvil's freedom, but Strahd would only take Sachi's life or servitude as payment, and for some reason the monkey agreed. Tilea suggested Strahd just make Anvil serve him instead, but he wouldn't do it.

       Strahd bit Sachi- that's how he would serve him. Tilea lashed out at one of Strahd's wolves and beat its ass, so the other wolves joined Tilea. Strahd advanced on Anvil, and just before he plunged his fangs into the blue idiot's neck, he said he was going to turn all of us. I tried to shift to get away, but I couldn't, so I began to run... And learned Tilea was under Strahd's control. She caught me and sat on me. I wiggled free just as Belmont arrived- I swear this bloke is stalking me.

       Tilea grabbed me by the cloak and drug me back into the den. I fought her hard, but it did me no good. Strahd grabbed me and sunk his teeth into me- though I bit back- and felt myself fall unconscious. Belmont revived me quickly, along with the others, and I was relieved to see Tilea was back on our side again. I activated my Blood Rite and stabbed the fucking vampire. Tilea attempted to wrestle Strahd to the ground, but he got up and started backing out of the cave, dragging Tilea with him. When he reached the mouth of the cave, he dropped her, turned into mist, and vanished.

       After that ordeal, I didn't think it was a good idea to go back into Barovia to get Anvil's stuff, but they insisted. As we started heading that way, the bloody jail blew up. Sachi insisted we go anyway, so Tilea and I shifted and held onto him. We left Anvil, he's too bloody conspicuous, and we don't have any way to shift him.

       Belmont was outside the jail, fighting a group of flaming beasts. Sachi went to break into some noble's house instead of helping Belmont. He broke the window and I used my echolocation, causing a shitload of bats to fly out the window at us. While we waited for them to clear out, we checked on Belmont; there were only two beasts left and he looked fine, so Sachi resumed his breaking and entering. As soon as Sachi climbed into the window, the bloody guards showed up and we had to flee.

       We went to a window on the other side of the house, and found two dusk elves in there, who nearly caught Sachi before he turned 'round. He decided the jail was too burned to raid, which it wasn't, and decided to rob some merchants instead. I shifted and told him to go back to the jail, then hopped back on. As we passed, we saw Belmont explaining the beasts to the guards.

       The jump that Sachi did to get into the barracks was completely fucking insane; I seriously thought he was going to crash. The room was full of guards who seemed to be hiding. Sachi got us out of the room unseen and locked the door behind us. There was a really pissed zombie in the halls, which Tilea realized was a bloody revenant. Sachi dashed into the nearest room, which was full of elite guards. He told them he'd let the revenant in if they bothered us, so they all backed down. We'd ended up in the room they kept everything they confiscated.

       I shifted into my hybrid form to conceal my identity, and found a bag of holding to put stuff in. I wasn't paying attention to other things I grabbed, and I accidentally put a portable hole in the bag. The explosion was massive and I found myself in the ethereal realm with four guards. After about thirty seconds I got out, and was now in the room with the revenant, alone. It hit me hard before I took flight and got the fuck out of there. So much for getting any loot.

       We were back in the cave and amidst a rant about the bloody barracks, I said "son of a monkey cunt," which I say often, I just like that specific curse. Tilea decided I was insulting Sachi by saying it, and Sachi instead took offense at Tilea's comment. He attacked her and hit her hard with those creepy ass gloves of his, and looked confused and disturbed after. Tilea's wolves dropped poor Sachi, but I revived him. He said it wasn't him, it was the gloves.

       Tilea tried to force Sachi to eat a berry, and he refused, attempting to flee her. She shot him with the berry instead, turning him human. She had Anvil hold Sachi against the tree she'd grown into the cave earlier, then directed the bark to bind Sachi in place. She was going to peel the gloves off him, one way or another. I left... I couldn't watch this. Tilea was terrifying, and she had the blue dolt on her side, so I knew I couldn't take them and save the monkey. Apparently she gave up pretty quickly; I guess monkey skinning isn't something they cover in druid school.

***** Hetedik Honap 3, Wolf den in Svalich Woods

       A couple hours after Tilea had given up on skinning the monkey, a group of werewolves came to the entrance to the cave, which was mostly blocked off by tree roots. They broke through the tree with ease- it was the full moon, after all. Tilea blasted them with moon water, pushing most of them back. I got in the air and began whipping one of them. Tilea passed the chalice to Anvil and began trying to shoot them with moonberries. Anvil then beat on the one I'd been hitting and set him on fire, I don't know how he set someone who was drenched on fire, but what the fuck ever. It killed the bloke. We made quick work of the lot, being forced back into human form significantly weakened them.

       In the morning, Anvil was still exhausted, so Tilea and I went back to town alone; no one had seen our faces in this mess. There was significant damage to the village from the damned fire. While there, we learned that those who wish to leave Barovia have to seek an audience with Strahd, so Tilea sent her raven to him. When we left town a few hours later, the raven appeared at our feet, dead. I guess Strahd doesn't want to just let us leave.

       When we got back to the cave, something felt off about it. Tilea decided to stay outside the cave, and I shifted to go get Sachi and Anvil. After just a few moments, I realized something was very wrong, I wasn't making any progress into the cave; it was an endless tunnel.

       Inside the cave, all of the wolves stood and began snarling at Sachi and Anvil.

       Outside the cave, a voice whispered to Tilea: "I expected you both to go in."

Blood of the Vine Tavern

All maps from the "Curse of Strahd" Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

The Ravenloft Chronicles- Shit Storm: Book One, Chapter One

(Monkey) Shit Happens

Dramatis Personae:
Kithri "Quickshadow" Tealeaf, the Lightfoot Halfling Werebat Order of the Lycan Blood Hunter and Ruin Raider
Tilea Aervavil'A'Sum, the Wild Elf Circle of the Moon Druid Barbarian
Scritch, Tilea's Squirrel Animal Companion
Sachi Kno, the Vistani Weremonkey Thief
Forgrotken Anvilrocker, the Blugrim Forge Cleric of Moradin
Pineck, Anvil's Horse

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Kithri's perspective, anything in italics is from a third party view, since the Hunter can't be everywhere at once. 

***** Hatodik Honap 28, CY 735, Svalich Woods

       For my final initiation into the Order of the Lycan, I was sent to bring in a werewolf that was in the woods not too far from town. As I was flying around, a whip cracked into a tree next to me. A human man began chasing me- my small form and the cover of night helped me get away from him, and then he began calling out that he was here to kill me because I was a beast. The wanker seemed to think all lycans are nothing more than mindless murderers. I called down to him and told him to piss off, I only eat bugs, and the Order helps teach you control. Like most people 'round here, he'd heard of my Order, and told me if I showed him my amulet with the crest.

       The bloke introduced himself as Belmont and offered to help me bring in the wolf I'd been sent to collect. When we got to the wolf, it bit me hard, so I got in the air while Belmont restrained it with his whips. He does some pretty cool shit with those whips, I need to learn those tricks. Anyway, I attempted to talk to the wolf, and it began trying to chew its arm off to get out of the whip... The poor fucker was completely feral; I let Belmont kill it, then he left me with a bloody huge corpse.

       I couldn't just leave the corpse out in the open, and I was about as big as the bloke's arm so carrying him was out of the question, so I began digging a grave; the bloke deserved that at the very least. I'm really bloody bad at digging graves, and after a while an enormous squirrel approached me and took over the work. I'm pretty sure it was a weresquirrel, but it didn't acknowledge me or my attempts to speak to it, and it had kind of brushed me to the side, so I set up a little fire and began brewing tea.

       When it was nearly done, a bunch of members of the Order showed up; apparently this was my final initiation test and I passed with flying colors. I did admit to them that that Belmont bloke had helped me, and they were fucking impressed I'd survived him; this guy is known to be a hard ass I guess. They helped us finish the squirrel finish digging the grave, we got the dead fucker buried, and then the squirrel shifted into an elven woman.

       After all that I needed something a bit stronger in my tea, so my Order and I turned toward town. I invited the squirrel- Tilea- to join us, since she'd dug a lot of the grave for me, I figured I owed her a drink. On the way back to Vallaki, Tilea befriended a rat. Druids are fucking weird.

       As we approached the Blue Water Inn, the main gathering place in Vallaki, smoke was puffing from the chimney of the large, two story wooden building, with a sagging tile roof and a stone foundation. As usual, there were ravens perched on it sign, which hangs above the main entrance and depicts a blue waterfall. I don't think there's something of that beauty anywhere in Barovia. Tilea befriended one of the ravens on the sign as we entered. The inn was fairly packed for this time of night, so Tilea and I were stuck at a table near the kitchen.

       After a couple hours a bard wandered in, whispered to the barkeep, and headed into the kitchen. I didn't think anything of it, but for some reason, Tilea decided she needed to follow the bloke. She tripped as she tried to walk in, and said she was looking for a proper berry wine; earlier they'd given her a regular wine, considering grapes to be berries. Then a huge blue fucker from a couple tables away got up and followed Tilea in. I'm not entirely sure what happened, but Tilea was tossed out of the kitchen in a net and the blue fucker was hogtied by a whip when he was kicked out. I think I'm just going to stay out of this stupidity.

       The crowd was beginning to stir by now, restless in their wait for entertainment, though that was remedied quickly, as the bard's body fell from the rafters to the stage. Tilea and the blue fucker rushed to the body and pronounced him dead; though apparently the body didn't look the same as the bard wearing those clothes earlier had; bloke probably just used disguising magic to look how he wanted. Tilea said the wounds looked like a humanoid claw made them, and she called to a woman in the crowd who I guess had a weapon similar? I honestly wasn't paying much attention, I like to keep to meself when I can.

       And that was when the guards rushed in. The idiots decided Tilea and the blue fucker were suspects because they were standing over the body when they walked in. I stepped in to try to help Tilea, and the idiots decided to arrest all three of us. I knew it would all be sorted out quickly, so I reluctantly allowed them to cuff me; besides, I can easily get out of these locks if the need arises.

       As we walked out of the tavern, Tilea told her raven friend to go get her rat and Scritch, her squirrel friend... which made the idiot guards start yelling that she was a tree witch. The Captain of the Guard joined the other idiots arresting us, and we were marched down the street toward the station. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, a wad of shit flew out of the shadows and hit the guard right in the face. It was fucking hilarious. The blue fucker- who'd introduced himself as Anvil- declared it as a sign from his god that we should be set free... so they decided that meant he'd somehow done this. Tilea said Anvil was a god witch, just to get a rise out of the guard, and as he opened his mouth to start yelling, another wad of shit flew at his face... and right into his open mouth.

       Everyone doubled over laughing, except for the guard of course. As I wondered who in the Nine would be stupid enough to do that, Belmont appeared again, flicked his wrist, and a small monkey came off the roof of a house to land at our feet. The Captain had cleaned enough shit out of his mouth to start yelling at Belmont, apparently he wasn't allowed in town. He said he'd leave with all of us after one drink, which the furious Captain agreed to, probably so he could hurry to scrub his face and mouth. As we reached the door of the Blue Water Inn, the monkey turned 'round, looked the Captain right in the eye, and gave him a shit eating grin. The Captain snarled for his men to catch the monkey.

       The rest of us headed into the bar, knowing we'd have some time while the monkey hunt commenced. Sachi- the monkey- doubled back and joined us quickly. Belmont had apparently robbed the Captain and proceeded to buy us a feast with his money, which we all gratefully dug into. While there, Tilea befriended a dog and a cat, because apparently she can't go more than an hour without trying to befriend an animal. As we relaxed, Sachi regaled us with a bunch of tales that were complete bullshit, but they were entertaining nonetheless.

       It took the Captain a couple hours to return to the Inn, and he shot Sachi on sight. As his men were dragging an unconscious Sachi out of the bar, the rest of us were ordered to leave and never come back. Instead, we rose to go after the monkey, but the guards made sure to escort us out of town before we could.

       Belmont said he had a feeling Sachi was important, so we needed to go after him. He was willing to do it alone, but we decided to follow him. He led us to a small stream- it was where the sewers in town ran out- and said we'd have to go in that way. I shifted into my little bat form so I wouldn't have to trudge through sewage for some cheeky monkey I'd known for only a couple hours. I don't know why I was even doing this much for him, but I felt like I needed to somehow. The tunnel we needed to go through was covered in a heavy-looking grate that Anvil was able to remove with ease. He could barely fit through in the tunnel; I was so grateful for my shifting right now.

       I used my echolocation to get the lay of the land, and it was coming back soft, like it was hitting something, but not something firm or solid or something. Thankfully Tilea somewhat understood me in this form, so I was able to relay this to the others.

***** Hetedik Honap 1, Summer Solstice, tunnels below Vallaki

       We traveled in silence for what felt like- and probably was- hours, before Belmont walked right into a gelatinous cube that was creating a blockage in the tunnel. That's why my echolocation came back soft. Anvil whacked it with a hammer while I shifted into my hybrid form and stabbed it. Tilea tossed a handful of seeds into the cube, which exploded instantly.

       The cube moved, shoving me back and engulfing Tilea and Anvil. Belmont somehow managed to flick his whip around inside the cube, killing the fucking thing. I really need to study his whip use.

       A scream echoed down the tunnel as a wall of sewage crashed down on us. It was bloody disgusting. That damned cube had held back a lot of sewage. I'm going to have to burn these clothes now. Meanwhile, the scream began to rise louder and louder, to the point that it began hurting my sensitive ears. Blood began pouring into the sewer, leading us right to where poor Sachi was being held.

       There was a tunnel leading up to where Sachi was, so Tilea turned into a monkey and began to climb it, Belmont began climbing up on his own, I took to the air, and Anvil tried to climb, but the bloke barely fit in here. This tunnel was the first place where he'd been able to stand fully upright. When I was at the top of the tunnel I squeaked to get the layout with my echolocation and I suddenly turned back into meself. I managed to grab onto the sewer grate, so I didn't plummet to a disgusting grave. I called down for Anvil to catch me and dropped; thankfully the bloke is only slow in the head.

       Belmont blew up the sewer grate and found Sachi strapped to a table with a constant stream of liquid being poured onto his head. Belmont and Tilea went to distract the guards, while I used my blood rite to try to cut through the straps holding Sachi down. There were twenty of them in all, so Anvil helped me work on them. Tilea summoned a bunch of swarms of monkies to attack the guards before she came to help. The water being dumped on Sachi was moonwater from a chalice of endless water, with Selune's symbol on it. Tilea took that for herself, and Belmont revived Sachi with smelling salts. Sachi was shocked that we'd come back for him, but honestly, so was I.

       We jumped back into the tunnel just as a shit load of guards came bursting into the room. Tilea knocked most of them prone with the chalice she'd liberated, and Belmont dealt with the last of them with his whip. My place was too far away, so Belmont took us to his to lay low- turns out it was Van Richten's Tower on the shore of Lake Baratok.

       As we traveled, I heard some bats approaching us, they were saying "kill, murder, kill." They had to have been summoned, bats wouldn't normally talk like that. When the swarms reached us, Belmont stepped forward, his whip caught fire, and in a move so fast my eye couldn't follow, he destroyed all of the bat swarms.

       Eventually we reached the Tower, and found twenty scarecrows between us and the tower. Tilea marched right up to them, covered herself in quills, and turned into a giant roctopus. Belmont through out holy water that set a couple of them on fire. Sachi jumped over Tilea to attack a couple, then used her as a ramp to jump back to Anvil. They tried to attack Tilea, but failed miserably, the little damage they managed to do didn't even seem to phase her.

       I got in the air and killed the scarecrow that had rushed Anvil. Tilea's eight arms whirled as she continued to beat on the constructs in front of her. Sachi began another attack on one, as Anvil rushed forward to help with the attack. Then poor Anvil got surrounded and went down... Not sure if he was dead or just unconscious, but there were too many scarecrows around for any of us to check. Tilea got swarmed by the ones she'd been bitch slapping and she was reverted back to herself. This had suddenly gotten a bit more difficult.

       I killed two of the damned things with my whips; I'm not as good with them as Belmont, but I know a thing or two. Pineck was apparently furious that the scarecrows had harmed his master, the horse charged forward and knocked over every scarecrow near Anvil's prone form- killing two of them. Apparently that horse was a fucking bad ass. Sachi waded back into the fray to stab another one, then retreated again. Belmont knocked one into the water and it was torn apart by whatever fish were in it... Don't go swimming here, apparently. One of the ones Pineck had knocked prone attempted to attack it, and the horse killed it for its effort.

       Then the next ten of them came at us. I continued whipping at them from the air, while Tilea began shooting at them, and Sachi dashed in, attacked, and bolted. Belmont tried to use his whip to revive Anvil, but it didn't seem to actually do anything. Tilea yelled to hold the scarecrows back, and summoned an azza gremlin, hoping the electricity it used would revive Anvil, and it fucking worked! I couldn't believe it! Belmont's whip began to glow, and every scarecrow he struck crumbled to dust. There were only three left by the time Belmont finished his assault. One of them hit Belmont and another went for Pineck; I killed the one who went for Pineck. Anvil killed the last two.

       We hurried into the tower, which was in serious disrepair. Just as we began to get settled to sleep, the bloody sun began to rise.

       After we woke up, Belmont left, saying he was heading to the Solstice Festival. I planned to go to the Village of Barovia, since I couldn't return to Vallaki anytime soon, thanks to the damned monkey. The stairs to the other floors were caved in, so Sachi decided to climb around the outside of the tower to see if he could find anything in the upper floors. After a bit I heard him get in trouble, so I flew up to see what the damned monkey was getting into now.

       By the time I got up there, he was stuck in the window, so I flew in, shifted, and pushed him out... Didn't think about him not being able to fly... He landed with a crash, but seemed to be okay, and I flew back out.

       Not long after that, Sachi stole a moonberry from Tilea- a goodberry made with moonwater- and Sachi was shifted into his human form. He began flipping out that he couldn't shift, so Tilea gave him a laxative... He spent the next forty fucking minutes shitting on the backside of the tower. The noises were bloody awful... Cringing, I didn't think to look when Tilea held something out to me and said "tea?" It was the fucking laxative... I puked up most of it, but I spent about ten minutes shitting. These were the people I'd been stuck with? Seriously?

       Eventually we packed up and set out for the Village of Barovia. As we left, Tilea told Sachi I had biscuits- knowing full well I was out. Sachi didn't believe me, and spent the next hour trying to find and steal the biscuits that no longer existed. Around the time that Sachi gave up, we came across some rusty nails in the middle of the road. Tilea said they had to be cursed, but Anvil ignored her and collected them anyway; she said he'd probably wake up and find himself in a coffin that was nailed shut. I think she may be a bit over dramatic.

       About an hour later we found gloves in the road, that were made of human flesh, and had razor-sharp, ivory claws as nails. Sachi put them on instantly, and they fused to his arms. Tilea leaned in and asked him "what have we learned?" And the monkey slashed at her with his new claws.

       An hour after that- just outside of the Barovia- we saw a flickering green light, which made Anvil speed up, I trailed behind him, hoping to stop him from doing something stupid. Turns out that was a pointless endeavor... The source of the flame was a lantern with a back candle inside it, and the flame was green. Anvil put a sack on top of the lantern, then dropped a bucket on top of it, and flipped it all over; he was so proud of himself for finding a way to pick it up without touching it that he didn't notice right away when his sack caught fire. I asked Tilea if there was anything she could do about the lantern, and she decided to try to shoot out the flame. I'm surrounded by bloody morons.

       The first arrow was incinerated by the fire, then Tilea accidentally shot Anvil, and then she killed some poor bloke who had made the mistake of walking past the lantern as she shot. The nearby guards merely shrugged and walked away. Sachi began looting the corpse, then made the mistake of talking in his monkey form... leading to a full-scale manhunt for the little shit. He got ahead of them and shifted into his human form, meeting up with us outside of the inn, which had a moon room. While I was getting the keys, some bloke bumped into Sachi and he slaughtered him for no reason. Great, we have an insane, homicidal monkey on our hands.

       I hurried to the moon room, with Sachi right behind me, and an angry mob on his heels. I slammed the door shut just as the mob was hitting the top of the stairs.

All maps from the "Curse of Strahd" adventure module by Wizards of the Coast.

Shit Storm: The Characters

NOTE: Characters are always evolving, and as they evolve new information is added to their bios. Check back often! These change regularly, and when a new character is added, so is their bio! 

***
       Kithri "Quickshadow" Tealeaf is a halfling werebat from Faerun. She's an archaeologist who was bitten by a werebat on one of her first excursions. Not long after that, on a full moon, Kithri was chasing a delicious-looking luna moth through some mists and found herself in Barovia. She joined up with the Order of the Lycan quickly, and was thrilled to meet others like her who had full control of their shifting. Kithri has little tolerance for people she thinks are stupid or reckless, she likes people who think things through, have an order to them.

       Her family is well known in the tea trade, hence the surname. Tea is a huge part of her life, and Kithri firmly believes that a cup of tea can solve anything.

       The Tealeaf clan has a history with practicing the dark arts, and once, many years ago, she dabbled in them. Kithri felt something evil clutch at her soul, and she ran in terror, never looking back. But she still feels something evil lurking inside of her, waiting for the opportunity to be unleashed. She knows there's a relic that will free her family from the curse that ties them to dark magic, and she's driven to the brink of obsession to find it; it's why she became an archaeologist, she knew something somewhere would help her find what she needed.

       Kithri stands at 3'1 and has a curvy, athletic build. Her hair is a thick, curly chocolate brown, and her eyes are the color of dark chocolate. She's a little brown bat when she's fully shifted.

Photos from https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e0/d6/13/e0d613884d15ac0176371591d531d713.jpg and https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjs-ovXjqXcAhWxMX0KHYhkDm8QjRx6BAgBEAU&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.yourfdaconsultant.com%2F40911%2Fimage-of-a-bat%2Fimage-of-a-bat-coloring-photos-tiny-facts-and-information-page-draw%2F&psig=AOvVaw3UxGQbEcNAyBlR5xIoozwt&ust=1531881466467400

***
       Falling prey as a young elf to a werewolf attack in the wilds of the Snakewood, Tilea lost herself to the beast within. Before being hunted down and subdued by the rangers of her village, she had encountered and slaughtered, a group of elven children out collecting nuts and mushrooms.

       Horrified at her actions, she fled her village to live for a time in the wilds where she found some solace with the wolves of the forest and squirrels of the trees, but night-terrors made it near impossible to meditate, and images of the small bodies, torn and bloodied, haunted her waking hours. Unable to come to terms with the consequences of illness on her own, she turned to prayer and the Goddess Selune, who was the moon and was said to take the mooncursed into her heart and help them to control the monster within them, or even shed the curse entirely.

       During the first real meditation she had experienced since the change overcame her, images of elves who were wolves but not weres filled her mind and she rose from her trance with a feeling of calm and determination. She set out that morning to find these elfwolves, the name for which suddenly came to her and she remembered her lessons as a small child about the various races of Tel-quessir. The fabled Lythari; rare, seclusive shapechangers from the Fae. Unsure of where to go, or how to find them, she put her faith in her goddess and that night, when looking up at her maiden form, noticed one of the seven tears had moved out of formation. She followed that star for a fortnight, and when on the cusp of Selune's motherhood, when her control was all but gone and starting to doubt, she stumbled through a thick bramble hedge and stepped out into a clearing filled with a pack of silver furred wolves. Startled by her sudden appearance, she attempted to calm them but her efforts had no effect on them. They quickly calmed on their own, however, and when stepped forward and, between one blink of the eyes and another, became a elf, she knew Selune had not led her astray.

       The Lythari guided her in the ways of their Druids, and soon her curse was lifted. She wore her own canines alongside a ivory and silver symbol of the Moon Mother, gifted to her by the Archdruid of the pack, as a totem and reminder of her dark past, and the soft silver radiance that returned her life to her. It wasn't just her own life she was gifted, however, and within another moon they soon learned that in her exile she had found herself with child. The mooncurse can be lifted from those afflicted, however it cannot be lifted from one born to it, however with the aid of the Lythari one born to it can learn to control the beast within fully. She stayed with the Lythari for a few years, rearing the unexpected joy of her life, her daughter Seluna, alongside the pack. But the atrocities of her past soon caught up with her, even there.

       The night-terrors returned, as did the haunting images during her waking hours. After much prayer, and guidance from the Archdruid, she decided she must set out to try to atone. Flashes of relics, and old forgotten vestments of the people came to her, and leaving Seluna in the loving care of the pack, she left the Fae to seek out these items to return them to the Tel-quessir where they belong, bringing a piece of lost heritage home may just redeem her, if only a little, in the eyes of her village. She out to find her lost family blade, Aerateu'A'Sum, and the Trappings of the Beasts, and earn back her family name: Aerasum'teu, and bring a new chapter to her lineage, that of the clan Aeravil'teu.

       Tilea is 125 lbs, 5'2", with shoulder length, walnut-wood brow, hair, sage-green eyes, and a dark-honeyed complexion. There is clawed scarring across her abdomen and back and a large canid bite-mark around her left shoulder.
                                                                                                         
***
       Sachi is a natural-born weremonkey, a capuchin specifically. He was abandoned as a baby and grew up on the streets, learning to steal what he needed, and utilizing the cuteness of his capuchin form to con and distract people. The surname "Kno" comes from a lifetime of people saying "Sachi, no!" to him. Sachi is stubborn and has serious issues with authority; if someone tells him not to do something, he will instantly do it.

***
       Anvil is a blugrim, or more commonly known as a "dire smurf." He is around seven feet tall and solid blue. Anvil is very sheltered, growing up in a small merchant community. He tries to help people and do things for the good of the group, but his social awkwardness tends to land him in trouble, causing more harm than good. He is looking for the lost knowledge of how to create consecrated weapons, and doesn't understand that consecration is not a topic to be openly brought up in Barovia.

Adventures in Oerth- The Bane of Vecna: Book Two, Timeline

Timeline

Dramatis Personae:
Aurora Isilime, the Valley Elf Bard of Valor, Maestro, Bae'qeshel and former Champion of Lolth, Lore Wizard, the Silver Tongued Siren, Knight of Summer
Charlotte, Aurora's violet Faerie Dragon familiar

Dervish, the Kasathe Dullahan Brass Dragon Fighter and Dragon Blood Sorcerer, Knight of the Erl King

"Shadewing" Corvis Cairunis Umbrusalarim, the Shadow Elf Dullahan Hexblade Warlock of the Raven Queen
Cloak, Shadewing's Empty Cloak familiar
Alfred, Shadewing's Raven familiar 
Zorack, the Elftaur Dullahan Ranger Bounty Hunter  Knight of Winter
Alucard, the ancient all powerful wizard; formerly Oryn Talus, the ancient and mysterious halfling who has employed the party; also know as Cinder, the ancient power that is said to destroy every world

Lan El'Mandragoran, the Human Paladin of Pelor

Aerathema, the Wood Elf Druid

Sil'ilos'anon Braz'Dracon, the "Drow" Warlock Blood Mage of Lolth, and the new DEATH
Elder Vish, Dervish's friend and mentor from his world, Knight of Spring

Comrades we have lost:
Gewnter, the Falcon Dullahan Monk and Zorack's companion- spontaneous combustion
Narg, there's really no way to describe Narg, Narg is just Narg- sacrificed himself to aid the party
Ralliakkan, the Drow Rogue- killed by Lyathfikash
Mara Nemestk, the Human Champion- killed by the outside
Ceidil Rein, the Human Champion- taken by the outside, then killed by party
Eurydice, the Faerie Dragon Feylock- taken by the outside, then killed by party
Pharin Braz'Dracon, the Brass Dragon-Drow Conjurationist Wizard and Priest of Lolth- returned to Faerun
Andolin Braz'Dracon, the Brass Dragon-Drow Fighter/Beast Master- returned to Faerun
Lothar, the Sovani Smith and semi-Cleric of Moradin, High Priest of Lolth, Cleric of Istus, forced Cleric of Asmodeus; Kas Reincarnated - sacrificed to ressurect Alucard
Willow Liadon, the Eladrin Arcane Trickster- MIA

***** 
This is the timeline during which the events of book two took place. It begins in the fall of CY 710 and goes into CY 711.

Adventures in Oerth- The Bane of Vecna: Book Two, Epilogue

Epilogue

Dramatis Personae:
Aurora Isilime, the Valley Elf Bard of Valor, Maestro, Bae'qeshel and former Champion of Lolth, Lore Wizard, the Silver Tongued Siren, Knight of Summer
Charlotte, Aurora's violet Faerie Dragon familiar

Dervish, the Kasathe Dullahan Brass Dragon Fighter and Dragon Blood Sorcerer, Knight of the Erl King

"Shadewing" Corvis Cairunis Umbrusalarim, the Shadow Elf Dullahan Hexblade Warlock of the Raven Queen
Cloak, Shadewing's Empty Cloak familiar
Alfred, Shadewing's Raven familiar 
Zorack, the Elftaur Dullahan Ranger Bounty Hunter  Knight of Winter
Alucard, the ancient all powerful wizard; formerly Oryn Talus, the ancient and mysterious halfling who has employed the party; also know as Cinder, the ancient power that is said to destroy every world

Lan El'Mandragoran, the Human Paladin of Pelor

Aerathema, the Wood Elf Druid

Sil'ilos'anon Braz'Dracon, the "Drow" Warlock Blood Mage of Lolth, and the new DEATH
Elder Vish, Dervish's friend and mentor from his world, Knight of Spring

Comrades we have lost:
Gewnter, the Falcon Dullahan Monk and Zorack's companion- spontaneous combustion
Narg, there's really no way to describe Narg, Narg is just Narg- sacrificed himself to aid the party
Ralliakkan, the Drow Rogue- killed by Lyathfikash
Mara Nemestk, the Human Champion- killed by the outside
Ceidil Rein, the Human Champion- taken by the outside, then killed by party
Eurydice, the Faerie Dragon Feylock- taken by the outside, then killed by party
Pharin Braz'Dracon, the Brass Dragon-Drow Conjurationist Wizard and Priest of Lolth- returned to Faerun
Andolin Braz'Dracon, the Brass Dragon-Drow Fighter/Beast Master- returned to Faerun
Lothar, the Sovani Smith and semi-Cleric of Moradin, High Priest of Lolth, Cleric of Istus, forced Cleric of Asmodeus; Kas Reincarnated - sacrificed to ressurect Alucard
Oryn Talus, the ancient and mysterious halfling who has employed the party- fractured himself into 4 parts to prevent cult from taking his soul
Willow Liadon, the Eladrin Arcane Trickster- sent to Elysium through a trap and was never heard from again

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Aurora's perspective. Anything in italics is from a third person, since the bard can't be everywhere at once.

***** 

       In the years after we defeated Vecna, Dervish began exploring the multiverse with his people, searching for their paradise planet. Since so many of his people were still in Oerth, he did make trip back regularly, so I unfortunately saw him more than I would have liked to.

       Zorack resumed bounty hunting as if nothing had changed.

       Shadewing resumed his service to the Raven Queen.

       I resurrected the puppy and named him Jayce, so he'd always be with me in a way. There was no way I could return him to life. After the puppy was a bit older, I awakened him and trained him to be a bard; he was always afraid of mandolins though. I took my place as the Battle Bard of Potidaea, Gabrielle's old position, and Briisa and I made our College flourish and become renowned. Aerathema had used the creation magic the boys were throwing around to heal the Vale, so my home was restored. With our numbers so severely diminished, I invited Vish to help us repopulate. I returned to the ancient city in the desert and made the land flourish again. I set up escape routes and backup libraries between Potidaea, the Vale, and the City, which I named the Alcove of the Bard. Alucard let me copy his library to help us rebuild what Pharin had destroyed. 

Adventures in Oerth- The Bane of Vecna: Book Two, Chapter Twenty

The Battle for Time

Dramatis Personae:
Aurora Isilime, the Valley Elf Bard of Valor, Maestro, Bae'qeshel and former Champion of Lolth, Lore Wizard, the Silver Tongued Siren, Knight of Summer
Charlotte, Aurora's violet Faerie Dragon familiar

Dervish, the Kasathe Dullahan Brass Dragon Fighter and Dragon Blood Sorcerer, Knight of the Erl King

"Shadewing" Corvis Cairunis Umbrusalarim, the Shadow Elf Dullahan Hexblade Warlock of the Raven Queen
Cloak, Shadewing's Empty Cloak familiar
Alfred, Shadewing's Raven familiar 
Zorack, the Elftaur Dullahan Ranger Bounty Hunter  Knight of Winter
Gewnter, the Falcon Dullahan Monk and Zorack's companion
Alucard, the ancient all powerful wizard; formerly Oryn Talus, the ancient and mysterious halfling who has employed the party; also know as Cinder, the ancient power that is said to destroy every world

Lan El'Mandragoran, the Human Paladin of Pelor

Aerathema, the Wood Elf Druid

Sil'ilos'anon Braz'Dracon, the "Drow" Warlock Blood Mage of Lolth, and the new DEATH
Elder Vish, Dervish's friend and mentor from his world, Knight of Spring

Comrades we have lost:
Narg, there's really no way to describe Narg, Narg is just Narg- sacrificed himself to aid the party
Ralliakkan, the Drow Rogue- killed by Lyathfikash
Mara Nemestk, the Human Champion- killed by the outside
Ceidil Rein, the Human Champion- taken by the outside, then killed by party
Eurydice, the Faerie Dragon Feylock- taken by the outside, then killed by party
Pharin Braz'Dracon, the Brass Dragon-Drow Conjurationist Wizard and Priest of Lolth- returned to Faerun
Andolin Braz'Dracon, the Brass Dragon-Drow Fighter/Beast Master- returned to Faerun
Lothar, the Sovani Smith and semi-Cleric of Moradin, High Priest of Lolth, Cleric of Istus, forced Cleric of Asmodeus; Kas Reincarnated - sacrificed to ressurect Alucard
Oryn Talus, the ancient and mysterious halfling who has employed the party- fractured himself into 4 parts to prevent cult from taking his soul
Willow Liadon, the Eladrin Arcane Trickster- sent to Elysium through a trap and was never heard from again

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Aurora's perspective. Anything in italics is from a third person, since the bard can't be everywhere at once.

***** Diamondice 20, CY 711, location unknown

       Vecna waved his hand and energy made the dust that was Daggon's body swirl toward; the bastard was trying to absorb the Outsider's energy and power. The boys tried some sort of dullahan thingy, but whatever the fuck they were doing didn't seem to work. I hit Vecna with a meteor swarm, and Alucard stopped time. During those breaths of time slowing, Alucard seriously fucked Vecna up; he was stunned, stuck in place. The boys went nuts on Vecna, while I attempted to turn him into a gibbering mess, adjusting the casting method of the spell to take advantage of his weakened state... I felt the magic sinking in, but he somehow stopped it from working.  

       Vecna vanished, but it felt like there were somehow multiple Vecnas all around us. We all began getting punched hard, it felt similar to that blood monk I'd fought in Ravenloft. The blows killed Dervish and the Gunslinger, but Dervish was brought back quickly by Mystra. Vecna was nowhere to be seen, and the rifts in space and time began tearing more. I handed everyone my healing wine to everyone, since those punches were fucking nasty. Then Shade vanished without a word. Shadewing had gone to the ethereal/shadow plane to pursue Vecna there. 

       Vecna was dressed exactly like the monk I'd faced in Ravenloft, he was both himself and that monk somehow. Zorack said "I think this will work," then fell over- but he vanished when he hit the ground. Gewnter tried to follow him and face planted into the ground- it was fucking funny. Then Alucard vanished... They're all fucking ditching me. Dervish told me where they'd all gone, so I plane shifted to follow them, and as soon as I appeared, Vecna vanished. Dervish was using a spell that allowed him to blink between the material plane and the ethereal plane. Vecna followed Dervish to the ethereal plane and beat the crap out of him there. As soon as Vecna reappeared, I tried to turn him into a gibbering mess again, and the asshole again managed to resist my magic. I seriously hate this fucking guy. 

       Shade used a spell that seemed to make Vecna's bones brittle before coming at him with his sword. The spell seemed to work- he actually managed to break one of Vecna's bones. The lich-god's hands swirled as he moved to cast something, and Shadewing countered it. Dervish sent a flurry of arrows at Vecna, and Zorack summoned two rhinos to go for him, which Vecna destroyed instantly. Then with a flash of arcane energy, Alucard erased Vecna from the last six seconds of time. Vecna turned into little silvery motes and floated away; he'd killed Vecna! 

       But time was still unraveling. 

       Shadewing pulled out the Table and began trying to channel its energy. Dervish sliced his arm, said he thought he could do something, then paused and said he couldn't do it; he suddenly stood up straighter- Alucard was possessing Dervish. Shade grabbed the magic of creation and tried to tie it to the Table in order to repair the Fey, so I tapped into his mind to help boost his magical capabilities. 

       Alucard/Dervish- Aluvish?- grabbed onto that energy and began using it to heal Oerth, and Alucard had Zorack summon 150 cows for him to use as a magical battery. I popped into Shade's mind again to give him another boost. Then Dervish told Lord Dementor that Alucard was possessing him... I don't know why. But Dementor decided to attack him because of that. I tried to lock Dementor in a cage of pure magical force, but it didn't work. I'm not surprised, but I wanted to at least try. We needed to be healing time, not fighting people. Dervish and Zorack both went for Dementor, but they didn't seem to hurt him as much as they should have. 

       Shade finished repairing the Fey just as Aluvish hacked into Dementor hard enough to make him begin to bleed. Dementor's eyes found me and a blast of energy slammed into me. Dementor killed Aurora and erased her from the last hour of time; Shadewing tried to redirect the energy, and made it so the bard was only erased from the last six seconds. Alucard somehow put Dervish in Dementor and had him take over to help instead of hinder the group. Dervish took the energy of creation and directed it at Aurora to save her, also creating a little puppy for her; he'd tried to make a unicorn puppy, but he didn't have enough command of the magic for that. Aurora was now bleeding out, instead of dead on the ground. The puppy was an adorable Doberman, and because he was made from the energy of creation, he was immortal. 

       The next thing I knew, Zorack was standing over me, and the cutest puppy I've ever seen was sitting next to me, watching me as if it knew me. Shadewing, Dervish/Dementor (Dervmentor?), and Aluvish- I'm really fucking confused about their mind-meld thingy- were working in perfect sync, trying to get the rifts in time to close. Dervish decided to use a cow as a battery by shoving his staff of the magi up its ass... his arm went all the way up to the elbow... I really wish I didn't have to see that... The poor cow tried to shit out the staff, destroying it in the process.

       I was beyond drained from what Dementor had done to me, so I tried to use a song to rejuvenate myself... I passed out instead, and the puppy curled up on my chest, fast asleep. Of course I passed out just as the other cows started stampeding; thankfully, Zorack grabbed the puppy and I and got us in the air before the cows destroyed me. He saves my ass a lot. I renewed some of the spells I'd cast on the boys before Dementor killed him, and then I tried to do the rest song again... The puppy and I fell asleep again, and the poor baby fell. Gewnter saved the puppy, and I had him strum an instrument to let him fly... not thinking about how my instruments can hurt someone mentally. His head exploded. 

       While all of this way going on in the air, the boys were finishing up closing the rifts. After what felt like an eternity, the rifts all closed, the sun came out, and we could hear birds chirping in the distance. We'd won!

       We never destroyed Vecna's phylactery though, so I knew he'd be back someday, and we'd be ready for him.