Castles & Gygaxes: The Ruse of Straus (Curse of Strahd)

Death House

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword as Alivyre Carter the Priestess of Mask, & Zinnarath Falconsflight the Druid
Mezzem as Hollyella Hawklight the Barbarian
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia as Herman the Fighter
Lily Trillium Petunia as Baron von Styx-bane the Blood Hunter, Terran Lightfoot the Ranger, Searos Urthudar the Dragonblood Sorcerer, Dariries Urthadar the Wizard, Graster Tigersoul the Monk, & Victacaron Tigersoul the Paladin of Tymora

Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia as The Dungeon Master
Mithrilye as Prusaadi Falconsflight the Feylock of the Leprechaun King & Roy Mcgillox the Rogue
Lith as Stoaga Urthadar the Rogue & Ravamorel Trannyth the Bard

NOTE: Things will be from Claire's perspective as she watches this game unfold. Some parts don't make much sense, and some parts are missing because the Purple Dragon decided she needed to be as drunk as possible to play this- which she really did.

***** Uktar 4, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Chateau Petunia, Blingdenstone

       Geophry called us all to the office of the Tower telling us he had a surprise for us. He had a game that he had loved reading during his time trapped here, and he wanted all of us to play it with him. He called it Castles & Gygaxes, and assured me that none of us would die for real. The book he held up to us was called "The Curse of Strahd," but apparently he can't read very well, because he called it "The Ruse of Straus." Vadania decided to watch us play instead of playing with us, she's kind of stoic sometimes.

       Then he handed each of a a piece of paper called a character sheet, and explained that these would be our characters for the game. He had made them all humans because Mommy says racism is bad, so he didn't want anyone to be racist. I knew right away I was going to need to be drunk to play this game. I was to play Alivyre Carter, a cleric of Mask... interesting. I didn't really understand what I was supposed to do though, so I just kind of followed everyone else's lead. We settled in and began the game.

       Geophry read to us; "To a party of seasoned adventurers such as yourselves, what you see is but another dull tavern in another dull town in some nameless province. It is but another span of time between the challenges of true adventuring.

       "Outside the tavern, a fog lies over the town this evening. The damp, cobbled pavement glistens as the lights of street lanterns dance across the slick stones. The fog chills the bones and shivers the soul of anyone outside.

       "Yet inside these tavern walls the food is hearty, and the ale is warm and frothy. A fire blazes in the hearth, and the tavern is alive with the tumbling voices of country folk.

       "Suddenly, the tavern door swings open, and a hush falls over the room. Framed by the lamp-lit fog, a form strides through the doorway. His heavy, booted footfalls and the jingle of his coins shatter the silence. His brightly colored clothes are draped in loose folds about him, and his hat hangs askew, hiding his eyes in shadows. Without hesitation, he walks up to your table and stands proudly in a wide stance with folded arms.

       "In an accented voice he says, 'I have been sent to you to deliver this message. If you be creatures of honor, you will come to my master's aid at first light. It is not advisable to travel the Svalich Woods at night!' He pulls from his tunic a sealed letter, addressed to all of you in beautiful flowing script. He drops the letter on the table. 'Take the west road from here some five hours march
down through the Svalich Woods. There you will find my master in Barovia.'

       "Amid the silent stares of the patronage, the gypsy strides to the bar and says to the wary barkeep, 'Fill the glasses, one and all. Their throats are obviously parched." He drops a purse heavy with gold on the bar. With that, he leaves.

       "The babble of tavern voices resumes, although somewhat subdued. The letter is lying before you. The seal is in the shape of a crest you don't recognize."*

       Rosebud's character, Herman, apparently senses danger around every corner, so he searched the letter for dangers before opening it. Rosebud then realized that his character suffered from an addiction, and asked Geophry what he was addicted to "Black tar heroins," Geophry told him. I don't know what that is, but he gave Rosebud 50 of them. He then took one of his heroins and had a hallucination; he failed a Constitution save and his stat dropped- he overdosed.

       I used a cantrip called Light to help, but it didn't help. I asked Mezzem what Sacred Flame was, and she cast it for real- apparently that's what her pillar of radiance is. Neat. That wouldn't help Rosebud's character though. So I asked what Purify Food and Drink was, and Vadania demonstrated by turning wine into water. That was decent wine too! Even though I still wasn't drunk. Damn my tolerance.

       Then Lily's character, Baron von Styx-bane, tried to take Herman's heroins and ended up hitting him instead. Then he tried to whip the hit points back into Herman, and hit me instead. Rosebud then tried to hit the hit points back from me, but I used a feat called Lucky that kept him from doing it. To make it up to him I used Purify Food and Drink on Herman's heroins.

       After this Geophry decided to fast forward to the next morning, when we were to leave for Barovia. I think he was tired of our confused bickering. So the next morning Lily decided he wanted to go shopping, but he had shitty Charisma, so he couldn't find anything. Then Rosebud did some really bad math which got him a good roll to attempt shopping with, and we found a merchant.

       The merchant had a trident that Rosebud wanted, but he wanted all of Rosebud's money and heroins for it. I tried to use a spell that charms people, but he made his save, so my spell didn't do anything. I cast Light in his face next, and told Rosebud to grab the money and the trident and run- but Mezzem somehow impaled herself on the trident... This game is weird. Lily used his whip to snag the trident and ran. The merchant began to chase us, and I used Light in his eye again, this time making him knock himself out on the door frame.

        We all ran until we got to the woods, which Geophry said were super foggy. We decided to tie a rope to each other so we wouldn't get separated in these creepy woods. I cast Light to help, but it really just made the fog even creepier. The fog eventually began to clear, and the tree branches looked like they were clawing at the mist- Geophry said they were literally clawing at the mist.

       There was a large iron gate at the town, with two creepy statues flanking it. They squeaked open as we approached. As we walked through the trees we felt surrounded by a chorus of screams that were waiting to be released. Rosebud, err Herman, caught the scent of death and Geophry said we followed it. We found a corpse that had claw marks in it that looked like it had been there for days. There was a letter in his hand, that as we grabbed Geophry said we heard a werewolf howl in the distance.

       The writer of the letter said that his daughter was bitten by a vampire- "Ooh, that's pretty scary!" Geophry interjected, interrupting himself- and that as a result he was asking for the area to be surrounded in symbols of good to help drive it away. After that Geophry said the werewolves were getting closer, so we ran back to the path. Once we were in the town Geophry read to us again:

       "The gravel road leads to a village, its tall houses dark as tombstones. Nestled among these solemn dwellings are a handful of closed-up shops. Even the tavern is shut tight.

       "A soft whimpering draws your eye toward a pair of children standing in the middle of an otherwise lifeless street."* He told us they were siblings, an older girl and a younger boy who was crying and holding a stuffed doll. His sister was shushing him, before we approached to find out what was going on.

       Geophry read to us: "After shushing the boy, the girl turns to you and says, 'There's a monster in our house!' She then points to a tall brick row house that has seen better days. Its windows are dark. It has a gated portico on the ground floor, and the rusty gate is slightly ajar. The houses on either side are abandoned, their windows and doors boarded up."*

       They told us that their parents had trapped the monster in the basement, but they didn't know what the monster was, but had heard it howling. They also said that on the third floor was Walter, their baby brother. We told them we would help them, and before we went to the house Rosebud- Herman- gave them some of his heroins.

       Then, Lith and Mithrilye said they wanted to play, and Geophry decided to rewind the entire encounter to bring them in. I don't know why the silly chair decided that was the best way to do it, but whatever. I still hadn't gotten even a little tipsy though, this was frustrating; I thought we had better booze than this.

       So now we were walking back into town, hearing the crying, etc, but this time there were two people, Stoaga and Prusaadi (Lith and Mithrilye's characters) were banging on the door of the obviously closed tavern. We talked to the kids again, got the quest to help them, and recruited the two new additions to help us.

       We opened the large wrought-iron gate, which shrieked with age as we opened it. "Hanging on the south wall of the foyer is a shield emblazoned with a coat-of-arms flanked by framed portraits of
stony-faced aristocrats."* Geophry said they were aristocats, and while I tried to explain to him what an aristocrat is, but he was not understanding- so there were cat portraits hanging in the foyer. I wish I was drunk.

       We moved into a  room with a huge staircase, with a sword hanging above the mantle- that Mezzem decided to steal for some reason. Then we went into a cloak room where I found a cloak that Chairy said was magic, I think it only makes me take one damage when hit, but we'll see; Mithrilye gave me a magic stick to go with it, but she didn't tell me what it does. Rosebud went insane from his heroins somehow, and Lith asked the spirits to help us- I have no idea what she was going on about. This wine sucks.

       The next room we entered was oak paneled, and resembled a hunter's den. "Mounted above the fireplace is a stag's head, and positioned around the outskirts of the room are three stuffed wolves.

       "Two padded chairs draped in animal furs face the hearth, with an oak table between them supporting a cask of wine, two carved wooden goblets, a pipe rack, and a candelabrum. A chandelier hangs above a cloth-covered table surrounded by four chairs."* Geophry said there were also a couple of cabinets in the room that were locked.

       I used that Light spell again- that would be such a useful spell in the Underdark! I wish I actually could do that with magic- but Geophry said that only made the room look eerie. Rosebud cut the head off of one of the stuffed wolves, and Mezzem broke into the cabinet, finding some crossbows.

       We moved on to the dining room, and Geophry again read the scene to us: "The centerpiece of this wood-paneled dining room is a carved mahogany table surrounded by eight highbacked
chairs,"*

       "Hey, they're like me!"Geophry exclaimed,

       "with sculpted armrests and cushioned seats. A crystal chandelier hangs above the table, which is covered with resplendent silverware and crystal ware polished to a dazzling shine. Mounted above the marble fireplace is a mahogany-framed painting of an alpine vale. The wall paneling is carved with elegant images of deer among the trees...

       "Red silk drapes cover the windows, and a tapestry depicting hunting dogs and horse-mounted aristocrats chasing after a wolf hangs from an iron rod bolted to the south wall."*

       Rosebud decided to attack the chandelier, but he rolled really bad, so his trident just got tangled in it instead. I used my favorite cantrip to light up the chandelier, and then Mithrilye used Eldritch Blast to shatter it, giving it a really cool effect. At this point we were kind of bored with this section of the house, so we decided to go upstairs. There was a dumbwaiter, but we couldn't really fit in the stupid thing, so we just used the stairs.

       For some reason Rosebud decided to start hacking up the stairs as we went up them, though his objective for doing that made no sense. We wound up in what Geophry called the Conservatory, before he began reading to us again: "Gossamer drapes cover the windows of this elegantly
appointed hall, which has a brass-plated chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Upholstered chairs (Like me!) line the walls, and stained-glass wall hangings depict beautiful men, women, and children singing and playing instruments.

       "A harpsichord with a bench rests in the northwest corner. Near the fireplace is a large standing harp. Alabaster figurines of well-dressed dancers adorn the mantelpiece."* Mithrilye went to play the harpsichord and broke the strings- she was not happy that her character couldn't play an instrument she was normally able to play with no issue. Rosebud then pulled out his own personal harp and played that for a moment, before his character went over to the harp in the room, and played it very well. I took one of the figurines, turns out they were well dressed skeletons, but Mithrilye told me they were magic, so I kept one. Rosebud broke the rest of them for some reason.

       We moved on to the library next, "Red velvet drapes cover the windows of this room. An exquisite mahogany desk and a matching high-back chair face the entrance and the fireplace, above which hangs a framed picture of a windmill perched atop a rocky crag. Situated in corners of the room are two overstuffed chairs. Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves line the south wall. A rolling wooden ladder allows one to more easily reach the high shelves."* Rosebud stabbed the painting for some reason, and then Mezzem found a secret doorway.

       The secret room was packed with bookshelves again, and "A heavy wooden chest with clawed iron feet stands against the south wall, its lid half-closed. Sticking out of the chest is a skeleton in leather armor... Three darts are stuck in the dead adventurer's armor and ribcage... Clutched in the skeleton's left hand is a letter bearing the seal of Strahd von Zarovich, which the adventurer
tried to remove from the chest. Written in flowing script, the letter reads as follows:

"My most pathetic servant,

I am not a messiah sent to you by the Dark Powers

of this land. I have not come to lead you on a path to

immortality. However many souls you have bled on your

hidden altar, however many visitors you have tortured

in your dungeon, know that you are not the ones who

brought me to this beautiful land. You are but worms

writhing in my earth.

You say that you are cursed, your fortunes spent. You

abandoned love for madness, took solace in the bosom

of another woman, and sired a stillborn son. Cursed by

darkness? Of that I have no doubt. Save you from your

wretchedness? I think not. I much prefer you as you are.

Your dread lord and master,

Strahd van Zarovich"*

       Lith decided to steal some of the tomes on the shelf, and Rosebud snagged the scrolls we found in the chest, giving them to me since they were on my spell list. We were pretty much done with this floor, so we headed up the stairs again to the third floor. Right before we turned to go up the stairs Mezzem- for real, not her character- jumped out of her seat, muttered something about Turvy and took off. 

       The landing to the next floor was covered in dust, which was odd since the first two floors were so pristine. The filthy landing had a suit of armor on it, and when Lith walked past it, it attacked her. She fell unconscious, but I was able to revive her when I got up the stairs. Without getting up, she slashed at it and missed. Then Mithrilye's character got up the stairs, shot an Eldritch Blast at it and missed. 

       The suit of armor lunged at me, but I used that Lucky feat that Geophry had given me, making it reroll its die- and it rolled a one, giving all of us what Chairy called an attack of opportunity. Lily's character got up the stairs at this point and disarmed the suit with his whip. Rosebud's character stabbed at it with a rapier, and missed with his trident. How in the Nine was hitting a fucking suit of armor so difficult? I missed it with my Sacred Flame cantrip, and Lith hit it with her rapier. Which I didn't think would work, since there's nothing under the armor to stab with the rapier- but Geophry said they work, probably because so many of us have the damn things. 

       The armor punched Lily's character, and Lith barely hit the damn thing again- Rosebud and I missed it again. Then somehow Mithrilye made it start punching itself, Lily joked that it should stop hitting itself right before it punched its own head off, crumpling to the ground. Rosebud wanted to put on the armor but Chairy wouldn't let him. 

       While the rest of us moved on to one room, Lily decided his character should check another room on his own. We found ourselves in a boring, dusty bedroom, but Lily was in the nursery. Remembering baby Walter, he went to check on the crib, only to have a flying skeletal looking woman fly at him. Lily's character dropped dead- "Haha! I killed you Mommy!" Geophry taunted, apparently proud of killing Lily's character; Rosebud was pissed, and yelled at the chair for hurting his Momma. It was kind of funny, would have been better if I was fucking drunk though. 

       Lily's next character, the ranger named Terran, appeared in front of the house and started to walk in, as the rest of us went into the room that Lily had just died in. We found the spectre hovering over the body of Baron von Styx-bane and Lith aimed her crossbow at it. I followed suit by throwing a Sacred Flame at it, and Rosebud's character missed with his trident, again, but hit with the rapier. Then the spectre tried to attack Rosebud, and missed. Mithrilye blasted it and Lith got the killing- rekilling?- blow in. She then drank Lily's blood to try to become a blood hunter, Geophry didn't say if it worked though.

       I checked the crib, and there was a bundle wrapped in a blanket, which looked to be baby sized. I unwrapped it and found nothing inside- fucking weird. We really need better booze in this Tower. Rosebud found a secret door behind a mirror, and at that point Lily's character joined us and said he'd join our quest. 

       The secret door revealed a cobweb filled staircase, that led up to a locked door. Thankfully Lily's last character had found the key in one of the other rooms we'd searched, so we didn't have to try to pick the lock. That door revealed a filthy hallway with more doors. The first room we entered had "a slender bed, a nightstand, a small iron stove, a writing desk with a stool, an empty wardrobe, and a rocking chair. A smiling doll in a lacy yellow dress sits in the northern window box, cobwebs draping it like a wedding veil."* The doll was fucking creepy sounding, so Lith attempted to bast it, but she missed. 

       There didn't seem to be anything useful in that room, so we moved on to what ended up being another locked door, but we had the key for it too. "This room contains a bricked-up window flanked by two dusty, wood-framed beds sized for children. Closer to the door is a toy chest with windmills painted on its sides and a dollhouse that's a perfect replica of the dreary edifice in which you stand. These furnishings are draped in cobwebs. Lying in the middle of the floor are two small skeletons wearing tattered but familiar clothing. The smaller of the two cradles a stuffed doll that you also recognize."* The doll was the same one we'd seen the crying boy holding in town earlier. Only Lily's character stayed in that room to investigate it. Lith and I walked off and found another filthy room with nothing useful inside. 

       Mithrilye's character went into a room that "is packed with old furniture (chairs (Like me!), coat racks, standing mirrors, dress mannequins, and the like), all draped in dusty white sheets. Near an iron stove, underneath one of the sheets, is an unlocked wooden trunk containing the skeletal remains of the family's nursemaid, wrapped in a tattered bedsheet stained with dry blood."* That skeleton was the spectre that had killed Lily's last character. 

       Lily's character talked to the children's ghosts, who told him that their parents had locked them in this room to protect them from the monster in the basement, and they had starved to death. He told the children we would help them and turned to leave, then the little boy possessed him. 

       Lith and I found a secret stairway and called out to everyone else, which the ghost possessing Lily said we needed to not go down. Then the ghost of the little girl possessed Rosebud, and the sister convinced her brother to come down to the dungeon with us. 

       We went down a stone spiral staircase that was filled with cobwebs and dust, Geophry said we went down about fifty feet before we were in the dark dungeon. I used my favorite spell to light up the area so we could all see since humans can't see in the dark. We could hear an eerie chanting as soon as we got into the dungeon, but we couldn't tell what the chant was saying, or where it was coming from. Lith and Mithrilye decided we should split up, even though I said that was a really bad idea. I stuck with Lily and Rosebud, since they were both possessed, I figured they needed more supervision than Lith and Mithrilye. 

       Lith and Mithrilye found living quarters in their area, and began looting the little chests in the rooms. Mithrilye decided to jump down a well that was in the area they were searching, but when she didn't find anything Lith pulled her back up. As they moved through the tunnels the chanting began to grow louder. But then Lith fell into a pit trap and died. Mithrilye used a rope to go after her in the pit to get the loot she had been carrying. 

      The ghost possessing Rosebud's character didn't like being told what to do, so I told him not to go in a room to get him to go in one. We came upon a tomb, with an empty stone coffin that had the name Elisabeth Durst carved into it. Several things seemed to happen at once: Rosebud pried open the coffin for some reason and insects began swarming out of it, Lily took some of Rosebud's heroins and got really fucked up, and then Rosebud started hitting them and they exploded- from eating the heroins. The ghost in Lily tried to go for me, but I succeeded at my saving throw. 

       The next tomb we entered held another empty coffin, and the one after that was intended for the children possessing us. We laid their remains to rest and the ghosts left Lily and Rosebud. We then found what appeared to be a dining hall, with moldy bones strewn around them room. As we looked around a grick popped out and went for us. The three of us fell upon it, the boys hacking at it while I slung spells at it. It managed to drop Rosebud, but I revived him- he rose and got the killing blow. 

       We heard shaking in the next room, and went in to find Mithrilye's character climbing out of the pit trap. Lith's new character, Ravamorel, randomly appeared in the dungeon, and four ghouls rose around her, moving aggressively toward her. We heard the sounds of fighting in the hallway. Mithrilye's character used her rope to swing across the pit to get behind the ghouls. 

       As we reached the ghouls, one of them hit Lith and she got paralyzed. Rosebud's character went to help and got hit by one of the ghouls, he went down. Another went for Mithrilye, but as I struck it it turned on me, paralyzed me and I went down. I kind of stopped paying attention after that, because I was drunk and having trouble following this confusing game. 

       Someone revived my character as Mithrilye's began throwing the ghouls in the pit. With them gone, Geophry announced that we smelled smoke. Rosebud found another set of secret stairs that led up, and everything up there was on fire. As Herman- Rosebud- touched the door, he got stuck to it; Lily's character ripped him off of the door. But pulling Herman off the door caused him to go unconscious and begin bleeding out. Lily's character revived him, and then the door lurched at him; he was now stuck to the door and bleeding. Rosebud's character ran away from the mimic and Lily's character, I suppose he just didn't know what to do. The door healed Lily's character and told him that if he fed it the rest of us it would let him live. Lily said no and died. Geophry again exclaimed with glee that he had killed mommy again. 

       Mithrilye found a set of stairs that led down, and blasted the door at the bottom- which increased the chanting. She could now make out voices saying "He is the Ancient. He is the Land."* As she looked around the room she found a small wooden coffer that held a dire wolf's withered tongue. Rosebud's character caught up with us, as we reached a portcullis that blocked our path.

       Lily's new character, the sorcerer named Searos, awoke to find himself in a bed with a chest that contained magic items at the foot of it. He was on the other side of the mimic door, and ended up getting into a nasty struggle with it, barely escaping, and rushing to catch up with us. 

       We couldn't find a way of opening to portcullis, so we turned back and went down a different path; we were now in some sort of prison. There were skeletal remains everywhere and evidence that they had been chained up with the rusty shackles that lined the walls. Mithrilye found another secret door, and once Lily's latest character caught up with us, we went down again. It seems like we find nothing but staircases here. 

       We went down the stairs and Geophry read to us: "The chanting stops as you peer into this forty-foot-square room. The smooth masonry walls provide excellent acoustics. Featureless stone pillars support the ceiling, and a breach in the west wall leads to a dark cave heaped with refuse. Murky water covers most of the floor. Stairs lead up to dry stone ledges that hug the walls. In the middle of the room, more stairs rise to form an octagonal dais that also rises above the water. Rusty chains with

shackles dangle from the ceiling directly above a stone altar mounted on the dais. The altar is carved with hideous depictions of grasping ghouls and is stained with dry blood."*

      The altar was clearly sacrificial, but we didn't know who the sacrifice was supposed to be to or what would happen if one was made. As Mithrilye got up the stairs of the dais "The chanting rises once more as thirteen dark apparitions appear on the ledges overlooking the room. Each one resembles a black-robed figure holding a torch, but the torch's fire is black and seems to draw light into it. Where you'd expect to see faces are voids.

       "'One must die!' they chant, over and over. 'One must die! One must die!'"* But when Mithrilye turned away from the dais, the chant changed. "'Lorghoth the Decayer, we awaken thee!'"* The refuse pile we hadn't paid much attention to moved to attack us. It was a shambling mound, like the one that tried to eat Roswyn and I back in Neverlight Grove. Rosebud, Lily, and I began slinging attacks at it, but it got to Lily's character and killed him again. Geophry was giddy this time at killing Lily yet again.

       Lily's new character, a wizard called Dariries, appeared hanging by his feet in chains that dangled above the dais. I was the next victim of the mound, and Geophry was so pleased to have killed me finally; he seemed to have made it his goal to kill all of us at least once in this odd game of his. Rosebud whacked the mound with his blade, Lily's new character gave it frostbite, and Mithrilye used something called Phantasmal Killer to finish it off.

       My new character, a druid named Zinnarath, appeared inside the fucking mound, because Chairy is a jackass. I turned her into a rat and began digging my way out. Mithrilye's character helped me get out of the mound. There was fire in the room I guess- I must have missed that when I was getting a new bottle- and Lily's wizard began casting that frost bite spell at it, which triggered a trap and killed him... This was getting ridiculous. 

       My character looked for another exit that wasn't on fire, but couldn't find one, so I began passing up buckets of water so we could escape this stupid house. Rosebud's character piled a bunch of food on the altar, but nothing happened. Then for some reason Rosebud attacked Mithrilye and yelled "one must die!" Lily's new character, the monk called Graster popped out of the water in the room, and knocked out Rosebud's character. 

       Then Mithrilye attacked Lily and killed his monk on the altar. Geophry said it felt like the house shuddered as Lily's latest character died. Those of us still alive ran for the window up the stairs to escape. Lith's character tripped and died before she could make it out the window, but the rest of us survived. 

       That was the end of this strange game of Geophry's. Not quite how I expected to spend the days before we fight the Pudding King. 

Photo from Curse of Strahd Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations, and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module or the Curse of Strahd Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-One

The Living Dungeon Part 2:
The Dungeon's Master

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Riddle, Claire's baby Basilisk
Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her
Lit, Mezzem's baby Basilisk
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster
Osaw, Tali's baby Basilisk
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud and Geophry's "Momma;" champion of the Living Dungeon
Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil
Barkbeak, Vadania's Hippogriff Steed

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Flimflam Pebblehead, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who really likes killing things, thinks he has powerful enemies out to get him that are telling him what to do, he has a voice giving him directions in his head, and is enamored with every beautiful voice he hears
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver from the Miner's Guild
Smoothpalm, the Deep Gnome Monk of Smoothhands
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy
Stool, the Myconid Child was raised from the grave by Mezzem
Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist
Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist
Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later
Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar
Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith to trade
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Kazul, the Copper Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa
Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone
Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies

Friendly Fire: 180

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Marpenoth 12, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess)

       We heard shouting in some language I didn't understand, and Lily cast a spell to let some of us understand it. The voice was challenging Lily to set him free, and from the sound of things Lily may have to die to let that happen.

       As the room rearranged, a massive Dao weilding a huge maul appeared in front Rosebud, and took a couple of swings at him. Rosebud reciprocated the assault as it backed away, and as Lily and I turned to go for it, the coward backed through the wall. Backing through the wall put him in range of Tali and Niles, who both began shooting at him the moment he appeared. It didn't seem to like that much, since he teleported Tali away from him right after that. 

      I came around the wall and stabbed him three times with my flame tongue, and Flimflam unleashed his fire breath on him. He missed me, and Mithrilye just barely dodged out of range, but the Dao had been hit. Flimflam then began barking, and some weird looking tendrils came out of him. I'll never understand that insane arcanist or his magic.

       The cowardly Dao sank into the ground this time, Rosebud and I each got a shot in before he completely vanished. Two stone fists came bursting out of the floor, just barely missing me. Mithrilye cast something on Flimflam that made him feel heroic enough to want to blow up the floor to find the Dao under it.

       The rooms shifted again, and Tali found herself dangling over a stream, with her hands barely holding on to the side of a bridge. She began to struggle to pull herself up onto the bridge, but wasn't quite able to- she held strong to the side of it though. With a snap of her whip, Lith grabbed hold of Tali and began pulling her to safety; Mezzem saw that and rushed to help pull Talu back onto solid ground. 

       Flimflam told us all to move, and shot two fireballs at the floor. The first one went into a crack in the floor, but the second one didn't... both fireballs hit Amin, who barely survived. Then a deer stalker hat appeared on Flimflam's head, and a maginifying glass in his hand. For the rest of the day, Flimflam had a voice in his head announcing the time every half hour. Flimflam himself looked as bad as Amin, both of them had severe burns on their legs, and could barely move. Everything on either of them that wasn't magic was gone- they were mostly naked. The crater Flimflam had created began filling with lava.

       An elemental appeared and attacked Tali, so I charged it and plunged my blade into it twice. I unleashed several more blows on it, and destroyed it. Of course the Dao is too cowardly to deal with us until his minions have whittled us down first, and depleted our resources. I'm never playing a game without asking questions again.

       Another elemental appeared in a different part of the dungeon, and went for Niles. The rogue went down instantly, but Lily stabilized him right away; before taunting the Dao to come and face him. Lith lashed her whip at the elemental, and somehow it got tangled around Mezzem too. Mezzem took a couple of shot at the elemental herself, which the Dao didn't seem to like, since it then teleported her into the middle of the lava crater... the only person it couldn't melt instantly. The room then changed, and the lava vanished. 

       The Dao popped up again and hit Rosebud, knocking him prone, then the coward vanished into the wall again. Rosebud began attacking the wall it vanished into, the halftaur did not like the Dao's fighitng methods... though neither did I. Cowards are always too easy to kill or too hard to catch, they're well versed in evading someone who can kill them quickly.

       Lily called out to us to come to him, but as soon as we got close the Dao teleported him to the next room; I was able to find him quickly though. Amin, being unable to walk, climbed on Rosebud and attempted to ride him. An elemental appeared and took a shot at Mezzem, but it somehow managed to miss the kobold completely.

       Tali was the furthest away from the group, so the Dao emerged from the wall and struck her- her weapon flew out of her hand. She used her snake armor to constrict it, but she only managed to hit it. The Dao made Tali's greatest fear come to life, and her evil sister- the one she'd had to kill- seemed to appear in the snake with her; the illusion attacked.  

       Lily attempted to call out the Dao again, daring it to face him- all we heard in response was an evil chuckle. Lith and Mithrilye made it to Lily, as the dragonborn revived Niles again. Then the Dao teleported him to the next room again. Rosebud ran to his mother's side, only to start bludgeoning the wall again out of frustration.

       Mezzem rushed to help Tali, and only barely made it into the room she was in- the Dao's assive maul was blocking almost the entire passage. Had Mezzem been taller, she would not have been able to get in there. The Dao moved in to assault the priestess, leaving Tali cowering in fear in the snake. Tali shifted out of the snake armor and climbed the wall, hiding in the corner from her imaginary sister. The illusion hurt Tali enough to make her fall off the wall, and she fell and started bleeding to death. If she survives, her evil sister will be her imaginary friend and the only one she can trust.

       The Dao knocked Mezzem prone, and then the wall opened up- Lily charged in and set off an entire necklace of fireballs; Tali was dead. Then the way sealed off again, preventing anyone from following Lily. 

       I set up my ladder to see if we could get to Lily that way, as soon as I reached the top I entered a darkness so thick that my drift globe couldn't penetrate it. Then I felt as if I was floating for a moment, before crashing to the ground. The wall suddenly opened right in front of me, and I saw the charred remains of Tali... then her body was teleported away. My dear friend was dead. I'd mourn later, but for now I had to kill the damn Dao.

       An elemental that was advancing on Mezzem attempted to turn her into a gaseous form, but failed to do so. I charged the elemental threatening Mezzem and destroyed it. Since she couldn't move as fast as me, I scooped her up and ran back to the group.

       Suddenly Lily found himself in a small room that was completely sealed off, and full of acid. The bard cast a spell that allowed him to walk through the wall, calling it out with its true name. 

       A hammer came out of the wall and whacked Lily. The Dao attempted to plane shift him, but Lily was too strong for that to work. Niles took a shot at the Dao, and he teleported away again. This thing was really fucking irritating. Some of the Dao's bllod was on Mithrilye's clothing, so Lily demanded her clothes, which she took off with a somewhat unsettling speed... damn, she was stunning. A circle had popped up in the room with Lily, and apparently he was going to use the blood on Mithrilye's clothing to attempt to bind the Dao to him somehow. I didn't really understand it, magic is fucking weird.

       Before Lily could do activate his spell, the Dao teleported him away again. That ability is quite annoying. Mithrilye started going after Lily, and Amin told Rosebud to collect the blood. As soon as it was in vials Flimflam grabbed them and misty stepped straight to the circle. Rosebud ran into the circle and picked up the vials, Lily shouted instructions at him, but I don't think he did it quite right. The Dao didn't appear in the circle, but we could see its blood through the wall... I hate magic sometimes.

       The Dao attempted to get away from Lily, but the spell he had just done kept the Dao from getting away from him. Lily cast blight at the Dao, and it dropped- they had beaten the genie.  

       I began breaking down the wall with the battering ram function on my Rod, and called over my shoulder for Rosebud's help. When he didn't come I glanced back and saw him staring slack-jawed at Mithrilye... and so was Flimflam. I guess it's up to me. I finished breaking down the wall just in time to see the Dao drop. Lily had won! I hefted its maul up and slung it over my shoulder, somehow I was the only one who could lift the damned thing.

       With our enemy gone, Lily hurried to Tali and used a reviving spell to bring her back to life. Something seemed off about her though, so he told her to go live a normal life. I didn't want her to go, she's my friend.

       The room began rumbling and cracks began to appear in the ceiling and walls. The fucking Dao appeared in the center of the room, and told us Lily had granted him his freedom. Since he didn't want to be indebited to us, he said he would grant us all three wishes. As much as I wanted to go home, I couldn't just leave without helping my friends in Blingdenstone. It would be too selfish of a wish... which Tali then instantly made for herself.

       Rosebud then wished from he and his tribe to become legends, whatever that means. Mithrilye made the final wish on behalf of all of us. She wished for the changes that have occurred in all of us since we came to the Underdark to be fully realized.

       Claire, Mezzem, and Rosebud became true lycanthropes. Rosebud's sutures- the ones that kept his halfling body attached to his pony body- fully healed, he was truly a halftaur now, no longer just Lily's creation. Niles became a better archer. Mithrilye became a fulled blooded succubus- though the only change everyone saw on the surface was that she was now even more beautiful. Flimflam remembered his family's secret to making spell stones, something he'd been trying to remember for a long time. Amin's hammer became a legacy weapon. Lith got even younger, going back to her prime, and Fitzzle turned purple; the faerie dragon had absorbed her age. 

       Right before the Dao vanished, I heard in my head that he'd be back for his maul. Then we were back in the Tower, and there was a massive pile of loot in the corner.

***** Marpenoth 13

       After the night we'd had, we decided to spend the day relaxing in the Tower. Rosebud spent the bulk of the day building an IKEA Fortress- it's everything you need to build a fortress, but you have to assemble it yourself. I spent time watching him build it, and it was completely hilarious.

       While watching I pulled out Hans for companionship, someone fluffy to snuggle with. Riddle is wonderful, but he's not a big fluffy wolf. Mezzem saw this and pulled out a little alabaster figurine of a badger named Urthstripe. He was a complete sweetheart, and I fell in love. Mezzem gave him to me.

       A couple of hours after Rosebud finally finished his fortress, we were all playing in it when we heard the all to familiar buzzing of hellwasps. Two of them were coming straight for us, and as they arrived, another two portaled in. Geophry, Lith, and Rosebud all fell unconscious from the sound- I slapped them awake. Rosebud decided this battle was still part of play, and he acted as if the fight was nothing but a game.

       Vadania had been evading demons all day, when she heard some shouts from a side passage. She looked down the passage and saw two towers- one stacked on top of the other- and hellwasps attacking the people on them. She turned down the passage to help them.

       Mezzem decided to play along and summoned her spirit blade, telling Geophry it was his. Lily's Hand grabbed one of the wasps and began to squeeze- I shuddered in memory of the Hand killing me. I hate that stupid thing now. As one of them swooped toward us Lith lashed out with her whip, and it wound around one of its wings- the hellwasp plummeted to the ground. Flimflam used misty step to get to the very top of Rosebud's tower- and for the next minute every time something hit him it would be struck by lightning. 

       Niles shot at one of them and missed horribly. Evidently his archery wasn't as improved as he though it was. One swooped and struck Rosebud, and Geophry flew at it, clawing a good chunk out of it. Apparently he's very protective of his new adopted brother. A stormy sphere appeared, hitting all of us- it must have been Flimflam. I began beating the one on the tower, and whacked it with my shield, tossing it right into Rosebud's maul, and he swung it like a bat, sending it flying off the tower, though definitely not on its own.

       As Rosebud took out the hellwasp that was on him, a hippogriff carrying a dark-skinned elf came flying in. The elf took out one of the wasps, with a flash of holy light as her blade hit it. Niles and Flimflam finished off the other two hellwasps quickly enough, and we were left facing a potential new ally.

       The elf introduced herself as Vadania, and the hippogriff as Barkbeak. Since she was also trying to get to the surface, I invited her to join us.

The Dungeon

The Rules of the Living Dungeon

This page was created at The Homebrewery, an amazing resource for people who make their own content.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty

The Living Dungeon Part 1:
Playing the Game

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Riddle, Claire's baby Basilisk
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her
Lit, Mezzem's baby Basilisk
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster
Osaw, Tali's baby Basilisk
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker; who sees magic where there is none
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud and Geophry's "Momma"

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Flimflam Pebblehead, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who really likes killing things, thinks he has powerful enemies out to get him that are telling him what to do, he has a voice giving him directions in his head, and is enamored with every beautiful voice he hears
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver from the Miner's Guild
Smoothpalm, the Deep Gnome Monk of Smoothhands
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy
Stool, the Myconid Child was raised from the grave by Mezzem
Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist
Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist
Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals
Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar
Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith to trade
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Kazul, the Copper Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa
Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone
Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies

Party members killed: 22
Overall party members lost: 31

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Marpenoth 12

       We were relaxing in the tower, trying to decide what our next move was, when Rosebud showed us a box that said "The Living Dungeon, want to play a game?" Inside the box were tiles, a black diamond, and several small, nondescript figurines. Rosebud picked up one of the figurines and vanished... inside the box was a small version of the lad. Interesting... Lily called everyone into the room to invite us to play.

       Lily, Rosebud, Tali, Mezzem, myself, Lith, Mithrilye, Flimflam, Niles, and Amin ended up playing- thought Amin didn't play by choice. Coward. Once we were all inside, a voice announced the rules:

       "Worry not about your own head, there are always spares. Heads are not scored until returned to spawn point. Deaths caused by hazards do not count. Spawn zones are safe zones, none may enter but you. One must wait a moment before passing through safe zone, it can only be entered once per round. To win the game you must collect one of every head, or three of a single head."

       So we had to kill each other. This was going to be interesting.

       In the tower, the rest of the group watched the game begin, and placed bets on their friends.

The bets:

Smoothpalm: 50 gold on Claire

Roswyn: 50 gold on Flimflam, and 50 gold that Niles wouldn't kill himself twice

Twyla: 50 gold on Lily, and 50 gold that Niles would kill himself twice

Seluna: 50 gold on Flimflam

Galothel: 50 gold on Rosebud

       Rosebud charged out of his spawn zone, ready for battle as always. Tali covered herself in the sand in her zone before sneaking out. Flimflam launched two fireballs at Rosebud, but only one of them went off. Mithrilye sashayed out of her safe zone, looking as seductive as possible, and became ghostly. Niles made the mistake of attacking Rosebud, he not only missed, but then found himself scooped up by the halftaur, who demanded he hand him his head. The elf tried in vain to convince Rosebud to go for Flimflam instead. Amin cast a spell that made the room quake and tiles changed. 

       The floor around Rosebud turned to green slime, as Rosebud ripped Niles' head from his shoulders. Unfortunately the halftaur couldn't make it back to his safe zone quickly enough. 

       I saw a few little winged creatures that looked like they were made of earth and fire- I learned later they were magma mephits- appeared, and one breathed magma at Tali; she jumped on the wall. A shadow creature rose out of my shadow and took a swipe at me, missing me completely. I saw the magma mephit explode from one of Tali's arrows, as a centaur randomly appeared. This game is fucking weird. I destroyed the shadow easily, and chucked my javelin at Tali, but the damn cat moved. She's way too fast to hit easily. 

       The fireball that Flimflam had thrown at Rosebud earlier finally went off, striking the halftaur. Flimflam breathed his dragon fire at Rosebud, and a ring of grease appeared, which was instantly burning from the flame spell. Lith stole Niles' head from Rosebud, and began moving to her safe zone. Mithrilye used a suggestion spell to make Lith hand over the head. Mithrilye jumped back into her safe zone immediately, and scored the first point of the game.

       Lily's Hand scooped me up and began moving toward a ring of fire. I began working on trying to break out of her spectral grasp. As she moved me, I heard her shout an insult at Flimflam. 

       Amin stepped out of his safe zone and shot a chromatic orb at the newly respawned Niles, missing completely. Rosebud charged his momma, who somehow deflected the attack with ice. A magma mephit appeared in Flimflam's ring of fire and attacked him. Mezzem finally emerged from her spawn point, and sent a spiritual weapon after Rosebud. The centaur saw a new target and charged the priestess- missing her entirely. 

       Tali summoned four giant spiders and four giant badgers, and had them surround Lily, Mezzem, and the centaur. The badgers and one of the spiders killed the centaur with ease; the remaining spiders weren't as lucky with their attack on Lily. 

       I felt some weight on the Hand, which helped keep me pinned- Flimflam had used a spell to move himself to be on top of it. I kept struggling against the Hand and just couldn't get out of the damned thing. I felt a pressure as the Hand hit something, from the grunt I heard, I'm pretty sure it punched Mezzem. 

       Flimflam turned the mephit that had been in his circle into a statue, then an owl appeared and handed him an empty scroll case. The dungeon then teleported Flimflam right back into his circle. Lith saw Rosebud turn toward her, and knowing he'd kill her instantly, she scooped up a handful of the green slime and swallowed it; the dragonborn killed herself to prevent Rosebud from getting the head. Niles failed an attack against Amin, and ran back to the safety of his spawn point. 

       Lily sent a torrent of magic missiles at Tali- they hurt her, but she didn't drop. Mithrilye turned the sounds of battle into a song that caused Rosebud to slow. The tiles shifted again, putting a stream right below one of Tali's badgers, killing it instantly; another died trying to scramble out of the stream. The remaining critters moved to attack Lily and Flimflam, and they all missed their marks. Rosebud charged Mithrilye for stealing Niles' head from him, killing the bard instantly. The halftaur scooped up her head and ran for his safe zone- though he couldn't enter it yet. 

       Mezzem's spiritual weapon hit Lily again, but not enough to break her concentration on the Hand. Lily got randomly teleported to the edge of the stream, and proceeded to push one of Tali's badgers into it. Tali hurled magic missiles at Mezzem, while a troglodyte appeared and went right for Rosebud. Flimflam killed two more of Tali's spiders with a force wave, then he struck a pose that he imagined looked awesome, and set himself on fire...

       I continued struggling in Lily's Hand. I could feel it trying to squeeze the life from me, and dammit I would not die from a stupid spectral Hand. I had to break Lily's grasp. I fucking hate that damn bard right now, and made a point to yell that at him- she probably found it amusing. I heard a bone couple of bones snap as the Hand squeezed. I also felt pressure as he used the Hand to punch someone. 

       Lith attempted to charm Rosebud, but failed at it. In frustration, she lashed at him with her whip, which missed; she bolted back to her safe zone, and paused at the entrance, unable to enter just yet. Mithrilye then tried to charm Rosebud, and also failed. Even though the barbarian is usually the most easily charmed, apparently he was immune to the feminine wiles of the women he had grown up thinking of as his aunties. The troglodyte attempted to poison Rosebud, and he killed the beast. With no new critters around for him to kill, he could now focus on his friends.

       Mezzem's spirit weapon dropped Flimflam, and as she moved to get his head, one of Tali's spiders bit her. A bite wasn't enough to sway her from her path, and she quickly cut Flimflam's head off. Tali ripped another star from her robe and hurled it at Mezzem- the priestess was not looking good, she was very near death. Flimflam respawned and used his dragon breath, it washed over Mezzem, Lily, and the Hand holding Claire. Then he became naked and everything he had on him was in a leather backpack that appeared on the ground. Flimflam then used misty step to get away from them, and a deerstalker cap appeared on his head and a magnifying glass in his hand. 

       I felt my hair burn and my flesh sizzle as fire hit me, I don't know where it came from. The damn flames didn't destroy the Hand though, or cause Lily to lose the spell. Sometimes I really hate magic. I struggled against the Hand, praying that I could escape, but it still wouldn't let me out. I reminded Lily of how much I hated her in that moment. The Hand smashed into something, and Lily yelled something at me, I'm not sure what exactly she said, but it made my head throb. I feared I was nearing death. I had to break out of this fucking Hand before Lily finished me off. I felt one final blow before everything went dark... 

       Lith finished Mezzem off, and used her whip to retrieve her head. The head vanished when she grabbed it, as Fitzzle took the bag with both of them back to Lith's spawn point. Mithrilye turned her charm on Flimflam, but he managed to resist her beauty; she instead caused him to slow. While Niles shot Tali, Amin managed to strike him with a chromatic orb. Tali's badger retaliated against Niles, one spider finished him off, and the last removed his head. 

       Rosebud again went for Mithrilye, killing her again, but Tali stole the head out from under him. Mezzem threw a guiding bolt at Amin, but a shield flared, protecting the coward. He is well practiced in avoiding injury. Flimflam cast a thunderwave at Tali, killing her badger and one of her spiders, a burst of colorful spray then flowed from his outstretched palm, which did nothing; he then snatched Mithrilye's head from the spider, and whirled to run away- crashing right into Lily's legs. Niles was deafened by the thunderwave. 

       Lily's Hand squeezed Claire and Lith's heads off, and Lily wrenched Mithrilye's head from Flimflam's grasp. 

      I found myself back in my spawn point... Fucking Lily had killed me. That bitch's head is MINE. I charged out of my spawn point with eyes for only him, and slashed at him with my blade- only one of my swings hit, I think my rage may have messed up my aim.

       Lily felt a tug at the bag with the heads in it- Fitzzle was trying to steal the heads for Lith. My rage was further fueled by Lily using the spell that hurtles her through dimensions, right back into his safe zone. 

       Mithrilye gave up on charming, and slowed Niles instead. Amin cast something to help protect his head, slipped and fell on his ass, and scurried back to his safe zone. Rosebud then slipped on his ass when he exited his safe zone. A thri-kreen randomly appeared and threw something at the prone halftaur. Mezzem had decided to target Tali in response to the tiger's assault on her; Tali used her snake armor and morphed into a huge snake. 

       Since the dragonbitch was hiding in her safe zone, I set my sights on Flimflam. It was easy enough to kill that insane svirfneblin, and I gathered his head. As Claire passed Niles, he swapped out the bag with Flimflam's head for a bag of coins.

       Flimflam hurled two fireballs at Mithrilye, killing her; the spell caused some rocks to start jumping around. He then used misty step to get to her head, and became outlined in blue faerie fire... his wild magic does some peculiar things. Lily turned his Hand at Niles, killing the rogue instantly; it retrieved both his and Flimflam's heads for the bard. 

       Mithrilye's charm finally worked, and she convinced Flimflam to give her back her head, and to bring her more. She promised they're have fun later if he did this for her. Rosebud got back on his feet, only to slip and fall back over. He got up again, and this time was able to charge Niles. Flimflam used his dragon breath on Rosebud and Niles- this time as ice- and poor Niles went down again. Mezzem sent a pillar of fire on Rosebud and the newest corpse of Niles, then sent her spiritual weapon against Flimflam. The priestess killed Rosebud, but before she could gather his head, Flimflam misty stepped to their bodies and collected the heads for himself. 

       Lily was finally within my reach again, I slashed my blade at the bitch, and missed completely. By the Nine I hate her right now. Then suddenly I was puzzled, unsure of my surroundings or what I was doing. Lith had used a confusion spell on Claire. Then Lily's Hand grabbed me again and dropped me in a pit. Through my confusion, my hatred for Lily burned. 

       Mithrilye got her head in her safe zone, and told Flimflam to bring Rosebud's and Niles' to her. Amin got his hands on one of Niles' heads and ran back to his safe zone- but he couldn't enter yet. When the tiles shifted, Tali found herself completely boxed in by walls. She was trapped in a tiny room. She decided that killing herself would be the best way to solve this problem, and began bleeding out. Mezzem threw another pillar of flames at Flimflam. 

       I looked up as I was falling, it felt like I'd fall forever- and saw Rosebud was now falling after me. Shit... I'd likely die again if he landed on top of me. He was wriggling around weird, but I couldn't tell what the hell he was trying to do. I landed with a thud, not dead, but I could tell most of my bones were broken. I thought that the ladder function in my Rod would get me out, but first I had to deal with the halftaur that was plummeting toward me. 

       Rosebud had been randomly teleported into the pit, and was attempting to snap his own neck in order to leave the pit... so far it wasn't working in the slightest. Since that plan failed, Rosebud managed to get his legs against one of the walls, and use his momentum to charge at Claire, sword first. The Purple Dragon died again. Her body seemed to break his fall, since the landing only hurt him a little bit. 

       Flimflam launched a fireball at Mezzem and Tali... and suddenly found himself wearing fine clothing, and his magnifying glass shattered. The sorcerer didn't know that Mezzem was immune to fire. Lily's Hand scooped up Mezzem, it was her turn to be squeezed to death. Mithrilye walked up to Flimflam, gave him a very passionate kiss... and slit his throat. Newly spawned Flimflam hurled a lightning bolt at Lily, and his Hand vanished- Mezzem was almost dead from it. Flimflam then vanished in a puff of silvery light.

       In the pit, Fitzzle used her euphoria breath on Rosebud, and took the bag with heads in it from him. Frustrated, with no way out, Rosebud decided to kill himself and respawn. 

       I saw Lith near my spawn point, so I darted out and beheaded her. She respawned and tried to get her head from me, but I was much stronger than her. After dropping off Lith's head, I rushed back out at her, and unleashed several strikes on her, which she wasn't able to return. If I could get her head two more times I could win this stupid game. Next time someone says we should play a game, I'm asking what the fucking game is first. 

       Lily summoned a new Hand and crushed Mezzem to death with it- he then bolted for his safe zone. Tali hurled a star at the newly spawned Mezzem, doing some hefty damage to her. 

       Mithrilye attempted to charm Flimflam again, but this time she failed. He probably didn't appreciate her killing him while kissing him. Flimflam used his ice dragon breath on Mezzem, since he'd learned that cold didn't affect her, and as he did a globe of darkness appeared. He then misty stepped away, and felt ill. Tali summoned more spiders and badgers and had them surround Flimflam, but only one spider managed to score a hit. Since Flimflam is a generally reckless person, he decided to drop a fireball on himself, killing all eight of Tali's critters, and himself in the process. 

       During all of this, Amin and Niles had been walled off from the rest of the combat, exchanging fire with few actual hits. Rosebud respawned next to the pair, and charged at them both. Amin cast a reduction spell at Rosebud to shrink him, but the halftaur shook it off. The cowardly dwarf bolted back to his safe zone. Niles didn't even attempt to ht Rosebud, he just ran back to his safe zone. The tiles around their room changed, and a door appeared. Rosebud couldn't ram it open though, and in the process of trying to, the ceiling collapsed, pinning him under rubble. 

       I managed to kill Lith once more and get her head back to my safe zone. Now I just needed to drop her once more and this stupid game would be over. Unfortunately the bitch moved her spawn point after my second shot. This meant I had to search for her, and if I got lucky I'd be able to kill Lily at least once in the process. Currently I was boxed in, and no one was near me. At least I had a moment to gather my thoughts.

       Lily had been in the same area as Claire, but he was invisible. He used a dimension door to escape the wrath of the Purple Dragon. 

       Mezzem threw a globe of daylight up to negate the darkness Flimflam's wild magic had formed. Tali, able to see again, summoned eight more spiders, hoping they wouldn't get decimated instantly by Flimflam like the last batch was. Unfortunately for the therinthrope, Flimflam cackled madly to himself and dropped another fireball, killing all of her spiders again. This cause a wild surge that allowed him to hear the thoughts of others... and he heard the naughty things Mithrilye was planning to do to him is she won. He then unleashed a ray of frost on Tali. 

       Mezzem dropped Mithrilye, though she wasn't bleeding out, just unconscious. Flimflam, determined to make those thoughts become reality, pushed Mithrilye into her safe zone and tossed his head in after her. However, she was to be unconscious for the next hour or so, which meant she couldn't win. He was definitely not going to be seeing anything of those thoughts come to life anytime soon.

       As soon as Lily emerged from his dimension door, Mezzem dropped a pillar of fire on him. Tali, frustrated with Flimflam fireballing her spiders, decided to summon three giant hyenas instead- she hoped those would last a little longer than the spiders had. 

       A path finally opened up for me, and I ran straight for Mezzem. As I hit the priestess she informed me that Lily was hiding behind a pillar  right by me. My target was finally in sight. I abandoned my plan to kill Lith once more, even though the way to her had just opened up. Though the bitch hit me with a cold spell that chilled me to the bone. I should have gone back to end her. That would have been the smart move. But I had to get my revenge on Lily.

       The next room shift had Mezzem completely submerged in magma- the only person who it wouldn't actually kill. The random teleportations had me surrounded by Rosebud and Tali's hyenas. I slashed at Rosebud, scoring a couple of nice hits on him. One of the hyenas went for Flimflam, ripping off his head and bringing it to Tali.

       A purplish smoke appeared out of nowhere and hit Rosebud, he seemed to relax a little. That was fucking weird. Lily went for the hyena holding Flimflam's head, and wrestled it away, then he used the spell that hurls him through dimensions right into his safe zone. The bitch had just won the fucking game.

       We were all suddenly in our spawn points, and the chambers began filling with sand. We were being buried alive.

       Lily found himself standing in a grand chamber standing before a Dao- an earth genie- and it was clearly ancient. It thanked Lily for its gifts- the rest of the party- and told him that each of the others would have the chance to become a Dao too. Lily demanded the group be released, but the Dao simply laughed at him. It told Lily that he was getting three wishes as his prize for winning the game. 

       Lily used his wishes to attempt to help the group. The first wish was that everyone was released and back in the safety of the tower. The second was that the Dao release everything it had gathered over the centuries- both people and treasure alike. Lily's final wish was for the Dao to go away and never do this crap again. At that the Dao chuckled and told him that he couldn't simply leave the game. So Lily wished for him to find whatever it was he needed to be released. 

       Suddenly the sand stopped rising, and we were all in the middle of the arena, Lily included. Dust began to swirl as Lily told us it seemed we had to fight a Dao. This game fucking sucks. I may never play a game again after this. All of us were refreshed as if we'd just respawned, except for Lily. Mezzem prayed to Bahamut and her prayer was answered, Lily was refreshed now too. This is going to be a grueling battle, but at least we were all on the same side again.

*****

The death count from the Living Dungeon:
Claire- 2
Mezzem- 2
Tali- 1
Rosebud- 2
Lily- 1
Niles- 5
Amin- 1
Mithrilye- 5
Lith- 3
Flimflam- 7

The Dungeon