Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-Five

The Battle of Blingdenstone Part Two: 
The Pudding King

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Riddle, Claire's baby Basilisk
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her
Lit, Mezzem's baby Basilisk
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud and Geophry's "Momma;" champion of the Living Dungeon
Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil
Barkbeak, Vadania's Hippogriff Steed
Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy
Stool, the Myconid Child was raised from the grave by Mezzem
Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist
Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist
Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later
Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar
Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar
Flimflam Pebblehead, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds
Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Kazul, the Copper Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver from the Miner's Guild- grick kibble

Friendly Fire: 214

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Uktar 5, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Blingdenstone

       Before we could pursue the invisible red, we got a call from our artillery support that a group of them were cut off from the Diggermattocks and were in desperate need of healing. Mezzem decided to go help them, leaving us without a healer.

       Lily had also heard the call for a healer, and he grabbed Geophry- who he had seen lurking in the background of the fight- and told the chair to take him to that group. By the time the bard had reached the group needing help, Mezzem was already there, so Lily decided to head over to the main party, since their healer had randomly abandoned them.

       Flimflam was in the middle of freezing the slimy path that the Pudding King had taken when he fled, when Lily and Geophry flew in. It was a relief to see them, since we were not happy Mezzem had randomly decided to leave us. Rosebud offered Flimflam some of his blood to help speed up the process, and when he did the lad fell asleep, flashed with colored light, and was outlined in faerie fire; then a draconic roar echoed around the cavern as the floor became covered in ice. Apparently blood is a very good way to empower a spell.

       Before we could advance too far, Flimflam exclaimed in pain, he had been hit with another mental attack- those were getting really annoying. I want to say war was simpler in Cormyr, but I know that's just me hating this battle and missing my home; you know you've grown homesick when you even miss the wars you were part of. I shook those thoughts aside before my homesickness overtook my ability to fight. I would not let my melancholy be the reason that my friends died.

       The room we were walking into "Phosphorescent lichen illuminated this cave. the floor of which was covered with pools of green slime. More green slime clung to the ceiling and formed hideous drapes along the walls. In the middle of the cave, facing east, was a slime covered throne."* Based on the throne this seemed to be the Pudding King's base of operations.

       Lily had Geophry wake his brother, and Rosebud got right up and grew much larger; then slime landed on him. I shot at the throne in this frozen room, thinking there might be something hiding back there, but nothing happened; I barely dodged a slime falling off the ceiling of the cavern. Suddenly a crown of crystallized, spiky slime appeared around Rosebud's forehead, as if the ball that had just landed on him solidified into the crown. That was not going to be good for us.

       Flimflam used his ice breath at the throne and we saw "The Pudding King cowered behind his slime covered throne and chortled in his joy. 'Callooh! Callay! Now you can join the party!' he cackled. 'You can be one with the Faceless Lord. Just let yourselves be eaten and disgorged!'"* Yeah, cause that sounds fucking pleasant. Vadania's hand went to her forehead in pain from a mental attack, and Lily told Geophry to fly him to the throne; the King was indeed hiding back there, and now we could end this. I hope.

       Vadania and I ran over to the throne to help Lily deal with the King, but for some reason I could not see him back there. Then Lily summoned his Hand- I shuddered- and picked up the King. Rosebud whacked Flimflam and chucked his hammer at me- that fucking hurt! The stupid crown thing must be fucking with his mind, we had to get it off of him somehow. In Lily's Hand the Pudding King screamed and blood began flowing from between the fingers... the blood turned into ooze that then enveloped the Hand- it was like looking at a pudding that was made of flesh and blood- really gross.

       Lily called to us that we couldn't use fire, cold, or acid against the King, and that our weapons would do little damage. So I was going to be kind of useless in this battle apparently. Geophry pointed out to us the pudding that had been hitting us with mental attacks, and it looked like multiple different types of puddings had merged to form that one. Vadania called a beam of moonlight down on the King, and he became a gnome again, who was clinging to one of the fingers on Lily's Hand. I shot my crossbow at it and missed horribly, and Lily punched the ground with the King still gripping the finger- I pushed away the memories of the Living Dungeon at the sight of that. A shield flared before impact though, the King had cast something to prevent the punch from hurting him- so Lily yelled out that "I've shit better oozes than you!" Eew.

       The King managed to get off of the Hand, and the moment he was out of Vadania's light he turned back into an ooze. He spewed acid at everyone, missing only Lily, Geophry, and Vadania, destroying Lily's Hand, dropping Flimflam, and then he engulfed our elemental. Geophry turned immediately to help his friend, and Lily jumped off of the chair as soon as he was close enough. Vadania's beam moved back onto the King, and he became a gnome again- still gripping our elemental; this was going to be annoying- more so than everything already was.

       I stabbed the King, but it didn't seem to do anything to him, Lily insulted him to no avail, and our poor elemental just could not break out of its grasp. The Pudding King teleported and began to run away, calling to the invisible psychic ooze to devour us. Green bolts came flying from the ooze, slamming into the elemental and I, and then it held its head in pain- the ooze must have hit it with a mental attack.

       The combination of the acid and the mental attacks were too much for our poor elemental; it died. Flimflam attempted to use his blood to do something magical- the arcane words I heard sounded like his lightning bolt- but he dropped unconscious instead of casting anything. Geophry went to revive Flimflam, and announced to us that Lily was trapped in a cube. I hurried to catch up to help him.

       Lily went after the Pudding King, but there was a gelatinous cube blocking his path- that he didn't see until he had run into it. Rosebud followed, and thought at first that Lily was just playing around, the halftaur didn't realize his mother was trapped in the cube. The ooze hit Rosebud with a blight spell, but that wasn't enough to slow him down when his momma was in trouble. 

       I slammed my Rod at the cube, hoping to free Lily, and I think it worked, since a second later he broke out of the cube. Rosebud dealt it the killing blow for hurting his momma, and we hurriedly scraped some of the acid that was stuck to us off so it would quit hurting us. While we were doing that, I saw Geophry fly Flimflam up near the psychic ooze, and he let loose a lighting bolt at it... which then bounced right back at him. Chairy did an impressive maneuver to make the lightning hit him instead of Flimflam.

       The insane svirfneblin then used his blood to fuel a thunder spell, which hit me instead of the ooze. At that Flimflam declared that he was useless, and told Geophry to drop him off and pick up Lily instead. Something in Flimflam snapped and for the next few minutes he was convinced that he was an ooze. My head screamed in pain as I was hit with another mental attack, and I was dimly aware of Chairy dive bombing Rosebud and I to neutralize the acid on us. The mental pain struck me again, it felt like my head was about to explode.

       Flimflam then decided to use blood magic to usurp control of the oozes from the Pudding King, which backfired in a few ways. First he turned into a hobgoblin, then a tree appeared and scorpions came flowing out of it, which all began attacking Flimflam, and then he was polymorphed into a pearlescent ooze. 

       I saw a new ooze in the room, a pearlescent one, and went for it, since I couldn't reach the damn psychic one anyway. Of course it responded to my attack, and left some weird goop on me- different than other oozes we've encountered. Vadania joined my assault of this ooze, and together we killed it... only to have it turn into a bleeding and unconscious Flimflam. Shit. Why the Hells did he think turning into an ooze was a good fucking idea right now?

       The fucking scorpions swarmed toward me now that their prey had died, so I pulled out an item I've been carrying for a long time now, and turned one of them into a giant scorpion that was under my control. Vadania revived Flimflam and I tossed him over my shoulder so we could catch up to the group. For some reason Vadania decided she needed to chop down the scorpion tree before following.

       Lily had Geophry fly him up to the psychic ooze and began stabbing it. The ooze responded by completely engulfing the bard, but he broke out of its hold quickly enough. Rosebud began beating on the ooze in retaliation. 

       I rounded the corner just in time to see Lily shove a bag of gunpowder and ball bearings into the ooze and ignite it. He couldn't get his hand away in time, and we were showered in ooze goo. None of us, including Lily, were hurt by the explosion though. Once Vadania had finished chopping down the tree, we continued on the path the Pudding King had taken.

       The chamber we entered was fairly large, with a sea of oozes being attacked by our troops, water pouring from one tunnel, and a group of gnomes attacking a large ooze. We realized that not all of the svirfneblin were actually attacking the ooze though, some of them appeared to be dead, two were fighting each other, and one was spinning uselessly in a circle. There was an odd babbling noise coming from the ooze, and it had a bunch of mouths; Lily said it was a gibbering mouther.

       Rosebud charged straight in toward the mouther, and Flimflam wriggled out of my grasp, going instead to the sea of oozes, slinging his ice spells at them. Vadania and I began running for the mouther, and commanded my scorpion to do the same, while Lily and Geophry flew toward it. Lily dropped his Hand on top of it, trying to mash it into the ground- I barely suppressed a shudder at the memory.

       As Rosebud slammed into it with his spear, I noticed that the bodies seemed to be sinking into the ground, which had to be a trick of the eye, since it wasn't really a place where they should be able to do so. Lily's Hand punched the mouther- shiver- and he tossed an insult at it, while I kept running. Rosebud suddenly froze in his tracks, as if something were preventing him from moving. Close contact with the mouther made Rosebud temporarily insane, and he literally could not do anything. 

       I saw the mouther shoot something at Rosebud, and lean in to bite him. It had spat acid at him, blinding him, but it missed with its bite attack. At that I shot my crossbow at the mouther, and had my scorpion claw at it. Lily's Hand came down hard on the thing, and it seemed to die; then a cloud of toxic spores came bursting out of the mouther, killing my poor scorpion.

       The only way the Pudding King could have gone was through the tunnel the water was coming from, but there was too much water for us to just cross it, so Lily used his Hand to start digging a trench to divert some of the water. Lily and Flimflam combined their power, and their blood, in an attempt to freeze the water, but it wasn't frozen enough for us to get through yet. It did make an illusion of a tarrasque appear, which distracted the oozes from us for a moment. We were getting pinned between that toxic cloud, the water, and the sea of oozes; we had to find a way through now or we may not survive this. We could hear more oozes coming from the way we had just came from too, so doubling back wasn't even an option.

       At that moment, Lily announced that the ooze wasn't dead, it was the Pudding King, and he was using the cloud to keep us away so he could heal. He grabbed Rosebud and used their dimensional portal to get back to the King. Chairy and Flimflam flew back toward it, once again leaving Vadania and I to run.

       Lily hurled a fire spell at the mouther, and Rosebud moved its body, revealing the Pudding King who had been hiding underneath it; he had indeed been eating the gnome corpses to heal himself. When Flimflam got there he dispelled the cloud kill to allow the rest of the group to get to them.

       I saw Lily drawing some runes around the Pudding King for Flimflam to use, as Vadania got to it; I was still a little further behind her. The flesh of the ooze began to bubble up as a green beam came out of it, aimed for Flimflam- but Vadania was in the way. My friend was reduced to a pile of ash. Seeing that, Rosebud sliced his leg, offering Flimflam fresh blood and told him to get the spell done and finish this. Flimflam threw two lightning bolts at the King, and it began to grow...

       Then a chunk of the wall behind it exploded, and the debris that slammed into it seemed to finish the ooze off. A large gelatinous cube appeared, and we could hear shots in the tunnel behind it, as 150 kobolds came pouring out of the tunnel. Platinum rays of light came from the cube as it sucked itself up into a suit of full plate armor that had been inside of it. The oozes fled from the cube, as it pursued them mercilessly. This had to be Glabbagool and the kobolds of Bahamutsville! We had won! Blingdenstone was saved!

***** Blingdenstone

       We spent the next couple of tendays cleaning up the remaining oozes, and reclaiming parts of the city. The myconids and kobolds settled into their new home quickly.

       In addition to losing Vadania, we lost Galothel, Umund, Elyn, and Glyphic; along with about 20% of our fighting forces. Medic and Dorbo were permanently disfigured by the oozes, and Dwarvenforge lost an arm- though that didn't seem to bother him, he said he could still smith one handed. He's probably going to make himself another arm like he did for me.

       True to their word, the Diggermattocks gave us a map to the surface, but the only way they knew of that would for sure take us there would put us somewhere in the High Forest. Instead of potentially spending month lost there, we chose to take the Deep Roads, which was a less scouted route, that they believed would take us to Gauntlgrym. The ancient dwarven city was near enough to Neverwinter that I could easily buy a portal home from there. We were given a guide named Schnella, who we were told was almost as good as Roswyn had been.

       Lily adopted Flimflam after the fight, his antics had shown that he belonged in the Petunia family. Rosebud finished crafting the repeating crossbow that Fidget had been working on before he died, and gave it to me so I'd have a better ranged weapon.

       On the 26 of Uktar we said goodbye to Mezzem, Thecker, the twins, Glabbagool, the kobolds, and our other friends in the city and set out on our journey to the surface. The group was now myself, Lily, Rosebud, Flimflam, Seluna, Niles, Twyla, Lith, Mithrilye, Amin, Arwenel, and a platinum dragonborn who was with Kibbik; he said it would be good for her to go with us.

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-Four

The Battle of Blingdenstone Part One: Wading Through Oozes and Muck

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Riddle, Claire's baby Basilisk
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Urthstripe, Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her
Lit, Mezzem's baby Basilisk
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud and Geophry's "Momma;" champion of the Living Dungeon
Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil
Barkbeak, Vadania's Hippogriff Steed
Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Flimflam Pebblehead, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds
Smoothpalm, the Deep Gnome Monk of Smoothhands
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy
Stool, the Myconid Child was raised from the grave by Mezzem
Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist
Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist
Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later
Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar
Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar
Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Kazul, the Copper Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver from the Miner's Guild- grick kibble

Friendly Fire: 207
Party members killed: 23
Overall party members lost: 30

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Marpenoth 25, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Blingdenstone

       After we got settled back in at Blingdenstone, we met with the Goldwhiskers, Diggermattocks, the Miner's Guild, the Stoneheart Enclave, the Burrow Wardens, and the ghosts to find out what had happened in our absence and to come up with a plan of attack. We would need a tenday to get everything together,

       We were told that the ooze attacks had escalated, they were attacking more often, and as a result the svirfneblin had to collapse two tunnels to keep them out. We would have access to one greater earth elemental from the Stoneheart Enclave, and ranged artillery support; the ghosts would be attacking from above and below.

       The majority of the Goldwhiskers and Diggermattocks would be on the front lines, keeping the oozes distracted so we could find the king. In addition to those factions, Amin, Galothel, Lith, Mithrilye, Lily, Medic, and Terrik would be part of the frontal assault.

       Flimflam, Rosebud, Vadania, Mezzem, and I would be taking a greater elemental and doing the infiltration, hopefully reaching and killing the Pudding King. We also made two small surgical strike teams that could be merged into a second infiltration team if we failed. The first would be Topsy, Thecker, and Seluna along with twelve Goldwhiskers; the second would have Turvy, Smoothpalm, Twyla, Niles, and twelve more Goldwhiskers. I hoped we wouldn't need to use the second strike team. We were not bringing Geophry with us, we didn't want to put the chair in harm's way.

       Once we had figured out on the maps where exactly everyone would be going, we all settled in to prepare for this fight.

***** Uktar 5, Blingdenstone

       Today we fight the Pudding King and hopefully save Blingdenstone. I had polished my armor, and said a quick pre-battle prayer to Torm. The letter to my mother was rewritten to tell her that if she was reading that I had died trying to save Blingdenstone. I hoped no one would need to send it. I made sure the others knew where it was, to make sure it would get to her. I also asked Mezzem to look after Riddle if I died. It was time for me to fight in another war against a seemingly endless army to save a good city from falling. I felt like it was the year of the Nether Mountain Scrolls all over again, when I was in the war against the Sembia and the Shadovar.

       We began our journey through the winding tunnel, hoping it was a backdoor that would bring us to the Pudding King faster. Rosebud and Mezzem were kind of scouting ahead, but not too far- we couldn't afford to lose sight of them. Rosebud came upon a puddle and splashed his maul into it, it splashed slime back at him. Turns out it wasn't an ooze, just a puddle of goo. Flimflam polymorphed him into an air elemental to get rid of the slime, which resulted in a bunch of slime balls whirling in the air around Mezzem. Rosebud tried to throw a slime ball at Flimflam and missed horribly.

       A little bit later we ran into a white pudding that pummeled Flimflam and he got stuck; I hate those ones. Then a black spiny one dropped down next to Mezzem, and two more whites dropped down, one grabbing Vadania and the other failing to grab Rosebud; a gray one followed them and took a swipe at our elemental. Mezzem and Rosebud each took a swipe at the spiny one, and it literally exploded in fire, hitting all of us. Vadania managed to break free of the white that was holding her, but poor Flimflam went down, and fell in the white on him even further.

       Rosebud hit one with his maul and it split, bludgeoning doesn't usually split them- he still killed both halves though. I decided to try a slashing blade on the next one, thinking since bludgeoning split one maybe slashing wouldn't, and that didn't work- it split, and then split again on the second swipe of my blade. Rosebud went for the one that had swallowed Flimflam, and though he hit it, he got stuck by it; Mezzem went for that one too, and she tried to move it to see Flimflam so she could heal him- which didn't work.

       Our elemental made short work of the gray that was on it, while I finished off the split pieces on me. Rosebud and Vadania kept working at the ooze that had swallowed Flimflam, before Mezzem decided to take a huge risk and reach into the ooze to attempt to revive the svirfneblin. We couldn't tell if it worked, but Mezzem's arm was now stuck in the fucking thing. I hate oozes. Flimflam was revived, but the horror of coming to inside an ooze broke his fragile mind, and he is now a hoarder.

       Vadania pulled Mezzem out of it, and just in time- Flimflam dropped a fireball on himself inside of it, the ooze was gone, and Flimflam was lying unconscious on the ground with his hands glowing brilliant colors. The explosion killed poor Barkbeak again- that insane gnome was really good at killing that hippogriff.

       A little while later we came across a huge puddle of slime that we couldn't get around, so Flimflam decided to freeze it. He began using the spell that makes a beam of frost come from his hands, but got annoyed with how long it was taking, and ended up using his dragon ice breath, which covered the entire tunnel in ice- and he suddenly seemed a little thinner.

       Shortly after that Rosebud rounded a corner, and saw what he described as "a shiny... magical... lump of death!" and charged forward, straight into a gelatinous cube. As we came up behind him a white ball came bouncing in, smacking Vadania and bouncing off of her into Mezzem. If it wasn't war, this would have been rather amusing to watch.

       Rosebud had broken free of the cube, and was now being attacked by three crystal-looking things. Flimflam used the spell that shoots a beam of frost out of his palm on the bouncy ball, and it seemed to shudder on impact. Mezzem whacked the ball with her sword, only to have it bounce back and hit her... I couldn't suppress a chuckle at that, it was just too funny watching her sword rebound right into her. Her rebounded hit seemed to kill that ball though, so we could turn our attention to the cube and crystals attacking Rosebud.

      Vadania and I went for the cube, and took it out in only a couple of hits. The metallic lump of death came up and began attacking Rosebud in the meantime- these oozes didn't seem to like the halftaur. He of course retaliated, but his maul barely seemed to chip one of the crystals. Flimflam used a lightning spell on one of the crystals- it exploded and paralyzed him. He's good at accidentally hurting himself while killing an enemy. Lucky for him Vadania fixed him before an ooze got to him.

        Both the elemental and I seemed to be barely able to touch the fucking crystals, and the elemental randomly burrowed into the ground after its attack. Flimflam unleashed a lightning bolt at all of them, killing all but one crystal and the metallic. Mezzem sent her pillar of radiance at the crystal, but it didn't drop- instead it paralyzed Rosebud.

       Vadania and I finished off the metallic, and Flimflam used more lightning on the remaining crystal. The elemental popped up too late to do anything. We gathered ourselves and continued our search for the King.

       We came up on another huge puddle of slime we couldn't get around. Mezzem tried to use the spell that cleans things, but it didn't do anything, so Flimflam froze the slime again. After we crossed the frozen tunnel, we saw the Pudding King. "The insane, slime-covered deep gnome pointed at us and cackled, 'Devour them, my precious children! Make your father proud!' He then bolted."*

       Rosebud fired an arrow in a direction where he thought one of them was, and we saw a metallic shimmer where the arrow landed. He then began to shake as if he was being attacked, but none of us could see anything great now we have invisible oozes. In his head, Rosebud heard a voice say "what's soft and gooey and red all over? You in about two seconds." He was being attacked by invisible tendrils. Flimflam blindly sent out a wave of thunder, and we saw a flash of light as the spell went off- we could briefly see the tentacles flailing about, but a second later they were gone. Flimflam could now hear mad giggling in his head.

       Rosebud was hit with a psychic attack so nasty his brain hurt- then the metallic slammed into Rosebud and spat at him, the spit sticking to him somehow. I shot at the wall where Rosebud had just shot, and in response tentacles whipped out, hitting both Flimflam and I. Mezzem did something to illuminate one of the oozes, and Flimflam froze the area; we could see a red metallic, that just missed me with spit.

       I chucked my javelin at the red, and followed up with my crossbow- it spat at me again. I fucking hate oozes. Our elemental walked up the wall toward it and slammed into the thing, I think it hurt the ooze but it's hard to tell against something like that. Flimflam shot fire at that one, but that didn't seem to do anything to it at all.

       Rosebud and Mezzem went for the one with whips, which did not spit when it was hit. Horrible pain coursed through my brain as one of the oozes targeted me with something; I shot at the red again. The ooze with the whips dropped poor Flimflam, and as Vadania retaliated something happened and I was blinded. I wish I still had Dawnbringer, she could have cured the blindness.

       The elemental kept pounding away at the red ooze, and Mezzem revived Flimflam. Flimflam climbed on Rosebud's back and shot a lightning bolt at the red ooze. I got my sight back right before Flimflam used that misty step thing into the air, hurling a lightning bolt killing the whip and a red; we could see now there was more than one red.

       Now we had a new problem, the spit balls the red had been throwing at us were very acidic and stuck to us. I doused myself in water, but that did nothing to get the goo off of me. Our elemental seemed to be in even worse shape, it was covered in the spit balls and seemed to be very badly hurt. Thankfully Mezzem sent out a burst of healing at that moment; while it didn't get the spitballs off of us, it at least knit some of our injured flesh back together.

       Flimflam sent another bolt of lightning at the red, causing it to split into two- I hate that oozes fucking split. It felt like a hammer hit me upside the brain as another mental attack got me. The ooze started spitting at us again, but it only hit Flimflam this time. I worked to get one of the globs off of myself so it would quit trying to destroy my armor, the poor elemental peeled one of the globs off, and I saw Vadania toss a glob off to the side. Flimflam kept chucking lightning bolts at the red, getting hit with more and more of that horrible spit.

       I shot at it with my crossbow, but the headache it had given me must have distracted me, I missed my shot completely. Mezzem used her pillar of radiance on it, and it was dead; now there was only one red left. Throughout all of this Mezzem kept sending out healing bursts, which was the only reason we were able to keep going in this fight.

       We then had a few seconds where all of were missing this damned ooze, I don't know how, it was right there, but it eventually Rosebud shot the fucking thing. Rosebud and Mezzem finished that one off, while the rest of us frantically worked to get the goo off of us. When they had finished it off, Rosebud announced there was another one further down the tunnel. None of us could see it, but Flimflam was hit with a mental attack, which backed up Rosebud's thoughts on there being yet another one.

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-Three

Rehearsal Interrupted

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Riddle, Claire's baby Basilisk
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her
Lit, Mezzem's baby Basilisk
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud and Geophry's "Momma;" champion of the Living Dungeon
Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil
Barkbeak, Vadania's Hippogriff Steed

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Flimflam Pebblehead, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who really likes killing things, thinks he has powerful enemies out to get him that are telling him what to do, he has a voice giving him directions in his head, and is enamored with every beautiful voice he hears, and periodically slips into a catatonic state, his mind is slipping and his intelligence is waxing and waning
Smoothpalm, the Deep Gnome Monk of Smoothhands
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy
Stool, the Myconid Child was raised from the grave by Mezzem
Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist
Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist
Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later
Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar
Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Kazul, the Copper Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa
Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone
Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver from the Miner's Guild- grick kibble

Friendly Fire: 206
Party members killed: 23
Overall party members lost: 33

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Marpenoth 16, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Neverlight Grove

       Rosebud charged in, as Lily had ordered, and bashed one with his maul, splattering bits of fungus all over himself. I followed him and skewered another one with my spear, while he turned his maul onto two more, dropping them too.

       Vadania and Barkbeak flew in and dropped the biggest one, but they were hit with the spore cloud in the process. I hate the damn spore clouds. Mezzem sent her spiritual blade and a pillar of radiance at one of them, dropping it, while Lily summoned his Hand to grab and squeeze another one- I suppressed a shudder at the memory. The fungi began swarming us, badly injuring Barkbeak in their assault. Flimflam sent a ball of acid at a cluster of them- without hitting any of us! As he did, a puddle of grease appeared under Lith, Mezzem, and Mithrilye, and Flimflam seemed to get a little shorter; magic is fucking weird. His sphere killed all but one of the mushrooms he'd attacked.

       A group of the little guys stepped through a nearby mushroom and appeared in front of Vadania and I. Rosebud, Vadania, and I killed one each of the little ones, and hacked into the big myconid, with Vadania getting the killing blow. Mezzem dropped the last little one that was near me.

       Lily slammed his Hand- that was still squeezing the myconid in its grasp- into one of the big guys near Vadania; I shuddered at yet another unpleasant memory of that damn Hand. He then pulled out a wand, unleashed a volley of missiles at the big one, and then the wand exploded finishing it off. I don't think he meant to do that. There was only one big myconid left, and it slammed into Rosebud, seeming to hurt the halftaur a little; Flimflam and Geophry each unleashed bolts at it, finishing it off.

       The spore cloud Rosebud had been hit with earlier, by the larva, made it so he was no longer capable of taking anything seriously. The more serious a situation, the more hilarious it is to the halftaur.

       All that was left to do was dispose of the heads, and Rosebud thought it would be fun to smash them- except with his first swing he hit Vadania in the face with one... She was pissed, but it was so funny. Flimflam and Geophry decided to just blow them up instead, it was a much quicker way of dealing with this. I was a little surprised that none of the insane myconids had caught us up here yet.

       Once the heads were dealt with we headed to the creepy mushroom tower. "We had no clear reference to judge the towering mushroom's size at this distance. Thousands of smaller fungi cling to the mam stalk, which itself splits into several lesser stalks, each long enough with a cap big enough to be the top of a great tower. The cavern floor surrounding the stalk is covered by a carpet fungi.

       "An eerie luminescence pours through slitted windows carved into the trunk, with the same cacophony of atonal music heard earlier echoing within. A stench of rot and decay wrapped around us, seemingly threatening to penetrate my flesh and pervade my soul."*

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

       A huge ledge hugged the cavern wall behind it, and we could see writhing lumps within it. We quickly realized those lumps were people, and one of them opened, revealing a fungal drow who was screaming. As it locked its eyes on us, the screams were silenced, and its eyes rolled into the back of its head, as it sunk back into the ground.

       For the next few minutes, Rosebud was convinced Mezzem was his lucky charm, and he was suffering from vivid hallucinations. Flimflam's mind is now slipping, and his intelligence is waxing and waning. 

       Rosebud began freaking out, saying zombies were attacking- there were no fucking zombies. His freak out caused Flimflam to launch a bolt of flame at the tower. Lily cast something to calm everyone down, making Flimflam, Geophry, and Barkbeak lethargic. He summoned his Hand to scoop up Rosebud and Mezzem.

       We decided we needed to go tell Basidia what was happening up here, we would need help if we were to attempt to take this tower down.

       Basidia decided we needed to evacuate all of the sane myconids in the Grove, and the easiest way to do that was to load up all of them into our Tower and take them back to Blingdenstone with us. We kept a few out in one of our carts to help guide us back to the city. Mezzem told Turvy we were doing it, and he told us not to; of course she ignored him, since we didn't have any other options for these poor mushrooms.

       As we began to leave we noticed that Phylo had gathered a group near the Garden of Welcome, and they were moving toward us. We were going to just ignore them, since they move much slower than we do, but Lily decided to deal with it. He told us to just keep moving, and he'd catch up, then he used the spell that lets him go through dimensions to appear next to Phylo.

       Phylo told Lily that the Garden of Welcome had been burned, and asked if he knew who the vandal was. The bard told him that the party had gone up there to investigate the fire, but that they didn't see anyone up there. He told Phylo that he would help with the investigation if he wasn't called back to his college- then he teleported away and turned invisible.

       Rosebud completely flipped out when Lily vanished, but we managed to calm him, assuring him that the myconids didn't do anything to him, that it was all part of Lily's plan. With that taken care of we left Neverlight Grove, to return to Blingdenstone.

       Before we left Mezzem had used a spell to remove some of Flimflam's insanity, taking the GPS out of his head. She then left him in the Tower because his catatonic states and his mind slipping were liabilities to us.

       Several hours later we arrived at a freshwater stream that had six water orbs. Rosebud and Geophry decided to harvest them, both messed up one each, getting themselves drenched, but the chair managed to gather the rest of them with no issue.

***** Marpenoth 17, Underdark Wilds

       Without Roswyn to do our scouting, Rosebud and Niles decided to do it; though really it should have been Twyla since Roswyn taught her to be a scout.

       Rosebud and Niles came upon a carrion crawler and decided to take care of it on their own without telling the rest of the group. By the time the rest of the party caught up they had finished the beast off.

       Later the pair encountered a group of drow and quaggoths, and again decided to handle it without telling the group. They snuck up to the group, and dropped one each before the drow knew they were there. The quaggoths began to surround Rosebud after he dropped another drow. 

       We walked into a cavern to find Rosebud killing a quaggoth and a drow, and Niles shooting at them from the sidelines. Lily instantly began insulting the drow, while Mezzem and Smoothpalm moved up to finish off the remaining quaggoths.

***** Marpenoth 18, Underdark Wilds

       We finally found a place to set up the Tower and check on everyone today. Mezzem went to Flimflam to cure his madnesses, but he was pissed about having to spend all of yesterday in the Tower. He refused to let her help him, and took off running. Mezzem chased him around and out of the Tower, before she finally caught him and cured a large part of his madnesses, but not the catatonic state or the mind slipping... the two we actually needed him to be cured of. He elected to stay in the Tower the next day too.

***** Marpenoth 19, Underdark Wilds

       When we got the Tower set up tonight, Mithrilye charmed Flimflam into going to see Mezzem to get his madnesses cured; Flimflam was finally sane.

***** Marpenoth 20, Underdark Wilds

       We came upon a tunnel that had been filled completely with webs, and Flimflam shot a bolt of flame into it, destroying them webs. We heard some screams from up the tunnel before six fire beetles came running out of it at us- Rosebud killed them all in a single shot. The rest of our day was peaceful.

***** Marpenoth 24, Underdark Wilds

       We came upon some ruins of buildings that looked like they were better suited on the surface than out here. We began to search the area, and in the very first building we entered, there was evidence of a recent fire.

       Outside the building, Flimflam, Geophry, Niles, Twyla, and Smoothpalm heard a stone fall, right before a foghorn echoed through the cavern. A group of orcs appeared and began attacking, badly injuring Smoothpalm and killing Barkbeak.

       We heard what sounded like a foghorn being blown, echoing throughout the cavern, and rushed outside to find a badly injured Smoothpalm. Rosebud blew his horn and summoned a group of gargoyles to aid us in this fight. Most of the fucking orcs were attacking from the roof, wonderful.

       Flimflam launched a fireball at a group of them, dropping three in the process; then he was enveloped in darkness... his magic is so damned confusing. Vadania appeared on the roof behind one of them, slashing it with her battleaxe. One of the bastards dropped Smoothpalm as Lily summoned his Hand and punched one in the back. I slashed at one with my Rod, and saw Niles and Twyla shooting ones on the roof. The gargoyles Rosebud summoned converged on the orcs and began pummeling them.

       Flimflam, still wrapped in darkness, blindly shot a fireball at the roof Vadania was on... hitting her and killing the two orcs up there with her. Vadania dropped a beam that looked like moonlight on one of them, and I noticed Mezzem revive Smoothpalm before sending her radiant pillar at another. Lily and his Hand finished off another orc, as a bolt of acid came out of Flimflam's darkness- Geophry... he hit the ceiling of the cavern instead. Flimflam followed up with a bolt of fire, which completely missed everything. I'd had enough of that darkness, so I activated my Driftglobe to light up the roof. Geophry decided the globe needed to die and hit both it and I with a bolt of acid. My globe fell to the ground, it was off but not dead.

       One of the orcs began to run away from us, but Lily sent his Hand after it, it grabbed and pinned the orc. I hate that Hand. Vadania noticed a small cave in the cavern wall and pointed it out to all of us. Niles tried and failed to climb it, and Twyla showed off by succeeding at climbing it. I used the ladder function on my Rod to climb up there myself, and Geophry flew up with Flimflam- who then sent a lightning bolt into the cave, killing the two that were hiding up there, but missing Twyla and I.

       With everyone else dead, Lily released the Hand's grip on the orc, and demanded to know if there were more. Once he said we'd killed them all, he slit the orc's throat.

***** Marpenoth 25, Blingdenstone

       By the time we got back to Blingdenstone, Mezzem was convinced something horrible had happened to Turvy, because he hadn't been responding to her through the rings. The kobold ran straight for their house the moment we arrived, with Vadania on her heels. It turns out Topsy had stolen Turvy's ring and hidden it from him.

       Lily and I went to the Rockblight District to set up the Tower, since it was the only place in the city big enough for it. It was also the best place for the myconids to live until we cleared out the oozes near the refuse pile. Of course Rosebud had to set up Fort Awesome in the little garden above the waterfall, since there wasn't enough room for him to put it on top of the Tower.

       We had gathered everything needed to take on the Pudding King, or so we hoped. There was nothing left to do except strategize for the Battle of Blingdenstone.

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Twenty-Five

Blingdenstone, the City of Speaking Stones Part 6:

A Home for All Deep Gnomes

Dramatis Personae:

Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut
Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Riddle, Claire's baby Basilisk
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut
Lit, Mezzem's baby Basilisk
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion
Osaw, Tali's baby Basilisk
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker; who sees magic where there is none
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud's "Momma"

Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins
Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Flimflam Pebblehead, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who really likes killing things
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver from the Miner's Guild
Medic Stonebandage, the Deep Gnome Priest of Smoothhands from the Stoneheart Enclave
Smoothpalm, the Deep Gnome Monk of Smoothhands
Terrik Stoneshot, the Deep Gnome Gunslinger from the Bounty Hunter's Guild
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Commoner
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Commoner

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Kazul, the Copper Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Stool, the Myconid Child- unwilling dance partner to drunk stone giant

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin who can't sneak- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa

Quests in Blingdenstone:
Discover where the ooze infestation is coming from Found where the oozes were hiding thanks to Chipgrin's information
Parley with, or exterminate, the Goldwhiskers chose to parlay with them since most of the party are also wererats

Cleanse the Steadfast Stone, a temple that has been corrupted by Ogremoch's Bane

Kill medusa and bring Sark her head
tell Yanthal Coaxrock the location of Entemoch's Boon  told Nomi since Yanthal was absent
destroy Vazuk
recover Udhask's remains  gathered his remains, still need to lay Udhask to rest in the catacombs
Harvest samples of elementals corrupted by Ogremoch's Bane and return them to Nomi
Try to banish Ogremoch's Bane Banished
Lay Vort to rest 

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Eleint 9, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess)

       When we arrived at the gates to the Rockblight district for the meeting between the Goldwhiskers and the Diggermattocks, we found the gates open with guards and elementals milling about, working on making the area livable again. We got to the Steadfast Stone early and while we waited for everyone, Rosebud ran around telling everyone the story of our cleansing of the temple- he's definitely the son of a bard.

       Thecker and I approached the Diggermattocks before the meeting about the oozes, recanting our view of the circular room of muck and the voice claiming that the Faceless One wasn't ready for guests yet. We explained what Lily had told us about Juiblex, the Demon Lord that the insane voice was referring to. When we were done, Senni said she would be more than willing to speak with an open mind, since this situation was certainly not one that the gnomes could face alone.

       Thecker went to speak to the twins and Greenpaw, who were the only wererats in attendance, but she shifted before approaching them. The anger that radiated off of Dorbo was audible. He is so full of hate, it makes me sad.

       The meeting began with the twins laying out the information about the Pudding King and his oozes that the Diggermattocks didn't know. This Pudding King was part of the Diggermattock's original expedition into Blingdenstone, and he vanished without a trace. Everyone had presumed him dead, until he began popping up randomly recently.

       Topsy said the wererats wanted to move into a secure part of the city until the Pudding King had been taken care of and they could reclaim the part they currently occupied. This was a time for them to put aside their differences, and realize that even though they're wererats, they're still svirfneblin, and the svirfneblin needed to work together. Senni agreed completely, but asked for assurances that the wererats wouldn't spread once they were integrated into the city. Seluna offered a solution to that fear, in making charms for the wererats that would allow them to stay sane during the full moon and even resist the change. I needed to ask her for one of those in private later- I'm not revealing that I'm a wererat if I can help it, I like the power but not the form.

       After much discussion they finally struck an agreement. Blingdenstone would be a home for all svirfneblin, wererat or not, and they would band together to defeat this ooze threat. We would reconvene in two days with ideas for how to take out the Pudding King. Dorbo was disgruntled, but we kind of expected that. This meeting went much smoother than anticipated.

***** Eleint 10-11

       We spent the next two days excavating Fidget's house, hoping the insane inventor had some tools or schematics for something that could help us. That place was a completely disaster area, and even after two days we felt that we had barely scratched the surface of that place.

***** Eleint 12

       This meeting held a much better atmosphere than the previous one did. Topsy and Senni were getting along, which was not really surprising, and Turvy and Dorbo were glaring at each other- also not surprising. Pretty much everyone we've interacted with in Blingdenstone was present at this meeting, and it ended up being very civil.

       The Diggermattocks said they would provide soldiers, as would the Goldwhiskers. Since we had eliminated Ogremoch's Bane, the Stoneheart Enclave could provide elementals to help in the battle. Kazook Pickshine said that he could concoct an oil that would protect our weapons and armor from the oozes, but he'd need a large quantity of supplies from Neverlight Grove. It was also determined that we needed more arms and armor, so we would escort a caravan to Gracklstugh to trade salt for their weapons.

       We would leave in two days time, and would be going to Neverlight Grove first to collect the components Kazook needed, then we'd go onward to Gracklstugh to unload the salt and get weapons. Seluna would come with us to get components of her own from the Grove so she could make enough moon charms for all of the wererats. Before the meeting adjourned we were all given badges that declared us heroes as a thank you for all we had done so far.

***** Eleint 13

       Over morningfeast Topsy decided to bite Rosebud and Seluna to turn them, I suppose we'll find out tomorrow if it worked. Seluna gave Rosebud and I those control charms, for which I was very grateful.

       After morningfeast we decided to lay those remains to rest and get some of our questions answered by Burrow Warden Jadger. We had planned to ask him how we could prove that Thecker and the twins were part of Sajin's noble family, but when we went to lay Sajin to rest, we found all three of them listed in that area of the crypt.

       Burrow Warden Jadger told us that the Pudding King was named Jerold Smoothstones when he was still a regular svirfneblin. That would give us something to research. We asked him about the increase in demon attacks that had been seen, and he said that there was chaos in the entire Underdark, but he couldn't tell us why. To assist our travels in the caravan he also told us to seek lodestones at the Stoneheart Enclave.

       Once we finished that up, we went around looking to hire guards for our caravan. The Miner's Guild gave us a delver to guide us named Roswyn. The Stoneheart Enclave sent us a cleric named Medic, and Thecker hired a bounty hunter gunslinger named Terrik. A monk called Smoothpalm volunteered to join us for free, and an arcanist with a slightly crazed look in his eye volunteered to join too, he's called Flimflam. With our little group put together, we prepared to leave in the morning.

***** Eleint 14

       We left Blingdenstone first thing in the morning, heading for the Enclave first to get those lodestones. The twins were staying behind since they now led the wererats, and Thecker wanted to retire, so she stayed behind too. Mezzem was willing to come with us even though it meant leaving Turvy behind. The pack lizards we had were elemental, the ones Topsy had summoned before.

**** Eleint 15-16

       We arrived at the Enclave the day after leaving Blingdenstone, and got our lodestones the next day. From there we headed to the Pickshine Mines to get our salt.

***** Eleint 17-20

       Our journey to the mines was silent, thankfully, and on the fourth day we arrived and picked up our salt and food provisions to get us through the journey. We then left for Entemoch's Boon to get our lodestones activated.

***** Eleint 21

       While we waited for our lodestones to be activated, Mezzem, Tali, and I felt something tugging on our backpacks. We fished around and discovered the perfectly round stones we had found the last time we were here was the cause of it. Mezzem thought they needed to go in the circle, and moments after we stepped in the circle with the stones they hatched! It turns out they were basilisk eggs, and the infant basilisks imprinted on each of us, thinking us their mothers. Mezzem named hers Lit, Tali named hers Osaw, and I named mine Riddle.

       They are so cute! Thankfully they aren't born with their petrifying gaze, and can actually choose when they're older to turn it off and on. I'd begin training Riddle with that early.

***** Eleint 22

       We left Entemoch's Boon the next morning and began our travels to the Grove.

***** Eleint 26

       Around midday, Roswyn reported a gruesome scene up ahead. When we neared it, we found that a massacre of epic proportions had taken place in this chamber. There were a couple of carrion crawlers milling about, enjoying their meal. We decided to just skirt around them.

***** Eleint 29

       Roswyn was scouting ahead, when she heard voices speaking in orcish. After a moment, the scout was able to discern that there were twelve orcs in the group, along with a couple of ogres. She snuck back to the party to relay what she had discovered.

       We decided to take Flimflam up with us, and leave the rest of our guards- including Roswyn- behind to guard the caravan. As we got close enough to hear them, Tali told us that the orcs knew we were on our way. The orcs then demanded for us to lay down our arms and step out where they could see us. Lily stepped out and called the speaker a dumbass, which made his face cringe in pain. They opened fire on Lily, but somehow completely missed him.

       Rosebud then charged at them and caved one's skull in for attacking his momma. Two more took swipes at the halftaur, but they all missed. Tali splorted one with an arrow going perfectly into its eyeball. As arrows began to rain down around Rosebud, Lily spewed his poison breath and killed another orc. I was too far away to do anything yet, and I didn't have any clear shots to hurl my Javelin.

       Flimflam muttered that the custard stole his bonnet, and began laughing to himself, then with two thrusts of his hips, two fireballs landed on the orcs, killing a couple and wounding more- I heard the scream of another creature that we couldn't see. The chieftain chucked a spear at Rosebud and somehow managed to hit him, though it still barely grazed him. One of them hit Flimflam with an axe, as I finally was able to get close enough to hit them. I hacked my way through two of the fuckers with the Flame Tongue feature of my Rod.

       The orcs were surrounding Rosebud, and had actually managed to start hitting him. The lad was looking pretty wounded, so as one landed a nasty blow on him, I swung my sword and killed it. Arrows were still raining around Lily, but this time some of them were actually hitting her. I saw one of Tali's arrows sink into an orc as it dropped. More fire hit the orcs from Flimflam, and lightning followed up, he killed about half of them with those spells. We definitely hired the right guy. Rosebud kept swinging his weapon at the orcs, while the chieftain started beating on him. I stabbed it in retaliation again, and suddenly Rosebud swung at me, but missed. Magic must have done that.

       Magic went streaking up to the chief, probably from Mezzem, since it wasn't super destructive. Whatever the priestess did, it seemed to hurt the fucker a lot. Tali's arrows took out the final archer and the chief, and Lily summoned a huge, green hand that punched their cleric. The orcs were dead.

       We found two moon elves tied to a stalagmite in the cavern, one was dead but Lily revivified her before final death could take hold. Their names were Niles and Twyla, and they were prisoners who had been taken as slaves by the orcs. We offered to let the couple come with us, since we would eventually be getting there, and they agreed to join us.

***** Highharvestide Holiday

       We heard the sounds of battle all around us, echoing down the tunnels for miles. Roswyn was able to identify the sounds for us- she's quite helpful. We were hearing dretches, manes, and dire corbies, who sounded pissed. The sounds seemed to be coming from up ahead, and we didn't really have much choice but to press on ahead and see whatever the beasts were doing.

       Part of the wall of our tunnel had collapsed, and was now overlooking another cavern. Inside the cavern were the dretches and manes, attacking a huge tower that the corbies were in. Roswyn said that corbies tend to just take over random empty spaces, like towers, and claim them as their own. Lily realized it was a wizard's tower, and we had to kill all of them to find whatever knowledge was inside. 

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Twenty-Four

Blingdenstone, the City of Speaking Stones Part 5:

The Goldwhiskers

Dramatis Personae:

Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut
Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Berserker; who sees magic where there is none
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud's "Momma"

Topsy and Turvy, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins
Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Kazul, the Copper Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Stool, the Myconid Child- unwilling dance partner to drunk stone giant

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin who can't sneak- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa

Quests in Blingdenstone:
Discover where the ooze infestation is coming from
Parley with, or exterminate, the Goldwhiskers

Cleanse the Steadfast Stone, a temple that has been corrupted by Ogremoch's Bane

Kill medusa and bring Sark her head
tell Yanthal Coaxrock the location of Entemoch's Boon  told Nomi since Yanthal was absent
destroy Vazuk they took him out right away
recover Udhask's remains  gathered his remains, still need to lay Udhask to rest in the catacombs
Harvest samples of elementals corrupted by Ogremoch's Bane and return them to Nomi
Try to banish Ogremoch's Bane Banished
Lay Vort to rest 

Friendly fire overall: 143
Party members killed: 22
Overall party members lost: 28

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Eleint 5, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess)

       The day after we returned to the civilized part of Blingdenstone, I went to the Caves of Clattering to see if Dwarvenforge had finished my new hand yet. It was a thing of beauty, made mostly of mithril with adamantine joints, and a spell gem in the palm, with a slot for another one on the back. After an hour, it began working as if it were my flesh and blood hand- I could even feel through it! I loved it. I'd have to be careful not to touch Tali with my left hand, I don't want to risk hurting my friend on accident.

       We also got Rosebud's shoes removed- they were loud and would likely be a liability when traveling the Wilds of the Underdark. Thecker of course reminded me of Dawnbringer, but she was quiet, just really fucking bright. Once we were done making Rosebud's hooves quieter, we decided to head out to the Stoneheart Enclave to bring Nomi the samples and tell her the good news about Ogremoch's Bane.

       The twins were staying behind in Blingdenstone, they had some preparations to make before we went to deal with the wererats. Lily also elected to stay behind, but her reasoning wasn't entirely clear as to why.

      The first leg of this trip to the Enclave was blessedly peaceful.

***** Eleint 6

       As we continued to head toward the Enclave, we heard a roar coming from up ahead, followed by some shouts and growls- probably demons again, I'm getting so tired of fighting demons. After getting a little closer, Thecker decided to sneak forward to scout out the situation. There was a silvery light coming from the chamber up ahead, and a huge roar rang out through the tunnels- the roar sounded like a large hunting cat of some kind- then we heard a demonic scream of pain that was suddenly silenced. Interesting...

       There was a bar-lgura (ape demons) in the chamber, with a jaguar on top of it- guess that explains the feline roar. Another bar-lgura was nearby, poised to charge the cat. It began punching the cat, but it didn't seem to do as much to it as it should have- this was definitely not an ordinary feline. Two large arrows seemed to come from nowhere and slam into Rosebud, though that seemed to just piss him off. Then another pair of them came from a different direction and slammed into Thecker. I fucking hate archers. Mezzem heard words in Abyssal in her head, then became stunned as an arrow plunged into her flesh.

       Tali seemed to have spotted the damn archers and began returning fire, and Thecker followed suit at the bar-lgura on the cat. I watched the cat charge one of the archers, leap onto the ledge it was perched on, and ride it to the ground- it was ripping into the archer, but I didn't see any blood until it hit the ground... interesting. Rosebud charged the bar-lgura and began beating the demon with his hammer, making it turn around and return the blows.

       I saw Thecker crumble to the ground from another arrow, but before I could get to her a glabrezu with a huge, black bastard sword flew down from above and struck me. It fucking hurt. Tali began hitting it with arrows to defend me, while I slapped my automail hand on it and unleashed the necrotic spell that Mezzem had cast into it. Since the bastard was still up, I used the battleaxe feature on my Rod and began hacking at it. Tali followed up my attack with another arrow, and the demon was looking bad. It looked like we didn't need much more to finish it off.

       The cat ran straight up the nearest wall and pounced on the bar-lgura that Rosebud was exchanging blows with. Rosebud continued pounding on the ape demon, as an arrow went streaking past him and right into the cat, throwing it backward. It howled with pain and rage, and then became an elven woman. Of course the cat was a druid.

       Mezzem got her wits about her, and seeing Claire fighting the glabrezu, unleashed a guiding bolt at it. It seemed to know its time had come and began flying back up to the ceiling of the cavern. Tali shot it as it flew, and it immediately plummeted back to the ground, and was impaled on a very sharp stalagmite.

       The bar-lgura crumbled to the ground from a final blow from the druid, so Rosebud was free to help Thecker. Of course the odd little centaur was now being shot at, but he didn't seem to care since his friend was in trouble. I felt warmth course through me as Mezzem released a healing burst from Bahamut, and Thecker stirred. I rushed forward and hurled my javelin at one of the archers, then shot it with my crossbow to follow up. Thecker rose and shot the other archer, dropping it- the noise from the gun made poor Rosebud's ears ring for the next few minutes. 

       A pebble went flying at the final archer, and just before reaching it, it turned into a boulder, splatting it. The elf's name was Seluna, and she was also heading to the Stoneheart Enclave. Since there's strength in numbers, and she's fucking bad ass, we invited her to travel with us. As we spoke to her, she realized the demons had come from the direction of the Enclave, so we halted conversation and hurried to aid them.

       The tunnel was littered with the corpses of demons, there had certainly been a large battle here. When we reached the Enclave, there were a lot more elementals milling about, but it seemed completely untouched. Nomi told us there had been an increase of demon attacks lately, but no one was sure of why. She was overjoyed by the news that we had banished Ogremoch's Bane, and was very pleased by the samples we gave her. We decided to stay in the Enclave for the night.

***** Eleint 7

       The next morning when we prepared to return to Blingdenstone, Seluna said she would like to join us, since she had business there too. Our travels today were thankfully peaceful.

***** Eleint 8

       As we neared Blingdenstone, we began seeing signs of demonic activity again. We figured the city itself would be fine, it is well fortified, and when we finally arrived we discovered that it was.

       When we got back to Thecker's place, we found an envoy from the Diggermattocks passed out, with Lily telling them stories. We knew the Diggermattocks probably wanted an update on what we had been up to, so we just left the envoy with Lily and headed to meet them.

       We told them about defeating Ogremoch's Bane, cleansing the Steadfast Stone, and slaying the medusa. Our plan was to speak to the Goldwhiskers next, but that would wait until tomorrow- we wanted to hit the shops first.

       None of us found what we were looking for in the market, though Rosebud got a Deck of Illusions- it'll be interesting to see what he does with that. We visited Dwarvenforge next, and I gave him all of our drow equipment and the enormous bastard sword from the glabrezu to make me a really bad ass shield. Tali requested an awesome bow too, and gave him one of the ones from the demons.

       That night at the tavern we learned that Thecker had purchased it, we attempted to make a plan. Thecker showed us her ring that lets her shift into a little rat, the twins and Mezzem also had those. When Thecker shifted into a tiny rat, on the table, Rosebud flipped the fuck out. He yelled at the rat to stay away from Thecker's food, and grabbed her and stuffed her in a bag. He means well, but damn. Mezzem attempted to calm Rosebud by shifting into a rat too, and the odd little centaur lunged at her. Turvy, being the over possessive ass that he is, stabbed Rosebud for looking at Mezzem; then he accidentally stabbed Mezzem himself...

       We eventually calmed Rosebud and made him understand that the rat was Thecker. He pulled her out of his bag, apologized, and dropped her onto her plate of food. Having this kid around is going to be interesting.

***** Eleint 9

       Rosebud pulled out the deck of cards he had bought at the market yesterday, and with them he summoned two mages... The fuck? He ordered them to attack his enemies, and for some reason they turned on me. What Claire doesn't understand is that the illusions from the deck can only hurt you if you believe they're real; both Claire and Rosebud thought they were real, and so they attacked the only person they could- Claire. A fireball was launched in my direction by them, but I was able to get behind my shield quickly. Rosebud then told them I wasn't an enemy and they needed to go attack the wererats. They walked through the door, presumably toward the wererat warren. Rosebud proudly declared himself a powerful summoner.

       Mezzem decided to be, kind of mean really, and asked Rosebud if she could borrow his deck to study it. She obviously didn't want him summoning random things, but hey, I say let the boy have his fun, so long as they don't attack me again.

       Seluna and Lily stayed behind when we left to take care of the wererats, and we decided to just go for the direct route to the Goldwhiskers this time. The tunnel was still collapsed, so we decided to use some elementals to help us. We took that horn we had found in Rockblight, and summoned six gargoyles... who promptly attacked us. Turns out we hadn't gotten that cleansed at the Enclave.

       Thecker opened fire on them, badly injuring one of them right away. Rosebud charged one and smashed it. Thecker shot at another one as Mezzem unleashed a bolt of radiant energy at one. Tali finished one off with some arrows, and Topsy hurled her boomerang at another. Turvy killed one, and when he moved in to hit another one, he stabbed Rosebud instead... he's really good at that. Rosebud smashed the last one, and that was the end of those elementals. Topsy said the horn was cursed and we couldn't use it until it had been cleansed.

       Mezzem's elemental gem had been cleansed, and so she summoned that elemental to clear the stupid tunnel for us.

       The twins and Mezzem shifted into normal sized rats and scouted ahead of us. They did a fucking fantastic job of noticing the pressure plates that we all ended up stepping on... Topsy told Thecker through the ring, since it allows telepathic communication, that the wererats knew the party was there. Thecker booked it, running past the traps, setting most of them off along the way, though she seemed to dodge them. Tali started forward and got hit by a bunch of darts. Rosebud pulled out his bagpipes and began to play them as he ran through the traps, getting hit by some of them. I followed suit and ran though, somehow dodging the stupid darts.

       Thecker ran straight to the group of rats waiting at the end of the tunnel for us, and shifted into a wererat, calling out "My friends! Parley!" I came up behind her, but stayed human. I'm not fond of being in rat form. Tali finally made it through the tunnel of traps, and looked seriously beat up from it. "A small crowd has gathered here. Most of the assembled creatures are deep gnomes, but some have ratlike features- including a fat specimen standing in front of the others, smiling at us with jagged buckteeth. 'Peace,' the big wererat says. He took a step forward, arms extended and hands open. 'Chipgrin's the name. I'm the chief of the Goldwhiskers clan. Shall we talk?'"* I counted about five or so dozen wererats in the crowd around us, and we agreed to go somewhere Chipgrin claimed was more comfortable to speak.

       Chipgrin led us to a small plateau that he claimed was his personal retreat- I think we're off to a decent start with him. Of course Thecker and I both being wererats helps- I didn't shift, but they could tell. "Stairs led to the top of the rise, where the floor is covered with a soft and well-manufactured carpet of green moss. The wererat chief sat on a stone chair flanked by two giant rats. Draped over the chair's back is a cave badger pelt.

       "'Let's get down to the brass hobnails, then. You were sent by the Diggermattocks 'cause they want us out, right? Right?! Well, they might get their wish soon enough, but in a way they ain't likely to cheer about.'"* He told us that they have been under constant attacks by oozes as of late, and were close to fleeing the settlement, which would leave the rest of the svirfneblin to fend for themselves. He said he had some information that would likely make the Diggermattocks more willing to broker peace, it had to do with the oozes- but didn't want to tell us what just yet.

       We arranged to make a peaceful meeting the next day between him and the Diggermattocks, in the Steadfast Stone since that was neutral territory. Once that had been agreed upon, Chipgrin was willing to share his information with us. He said there was a mysterious figure that seemed to be controlling the oozes, "'I remember him from when he worked in the tunnels, and my kin saw him when he returned. I know who he is, what he's doing, and- most of all- where he can be found! If you and the Diggermattocks want, I can take you straight to him- he what calls himself the Pudding King.'"* He said that the oozes were in the northwest quadrant of the city, but that didn't give us much to go on.

       Thecker told them we have an ace in the hole, something that can give us a lot of leverage, I was confused, but growing up in Cormyr has taught me to just pretend I know what's happening even when I don't. After some circular talking about our aces, she told the twins to shift- Chipgrin hadn't noticed the small rats perched on the arms of his chair. Topsy shifted first, and Chipgrin looked at her like he'd seen a ghost- he called her Snipsy; when Turvy shifted he called him Snapsy, and appeared to be having a heart attack. Mezzem quickly shifted into her hybrid form- since a kobold randomly appearing would have made things get ugly- and assisted the chief.

       Once Chipgrin was settled, but completely catatonic, his advisor, Yornik Greenpaw stepped in to speak with us. The twins were completely confused by what had just happened, They said that Snipsy was their mother's name, but they didn't remember much of her, she died when they were very young- they did look related to Chipgrin. Yornik told us that Snipsy was Chipgrin's daughter, and about twenty years ago she was exiled for becoming pregnant by her twin brother, Snapsy. Snapsy had received a much rougher punishment- he was executed. According to Yornik, the twins are pretty much identical to their parents, which is why Chipgrin reacted like he'd seen ghosts- he basically had. Well, this changed things quite a bit. With Chipgrin completely catatonic, Topsy stepped in as leader, since she was technically next of kin; she loved it.

       Thecker called for food and booze while we all sat down and hashed everything out about the oozes, the impending peace talks, and the twins new role in life. We decided we would go scout the damn oozes, and possibly take them out on our own- which would greatly help the Goldwhiskers in the talks. Yornik began doing everything he could to begin preparing the twins to lead this conversation in their grandfather's stead.

       We decided to update the Diggermattocks on what was happening, and Rosebud instantly took off at a full run... I sent Tali after him to properly explain what Rosebud was about to tell them. Rosebud burst into the Diggermattock's hall, and blurted out everything that had been discussed in about 15 seconds, so of course it didn't make much sense. Tali got there just as Rosebud was running out, and smoothed things over. The Diggermattocks agreed to meet the Goldwhiskers in two hours, and neutral party would mediate the conversation. 

       Once Rosebud and Tali were back, we left to scout the oozes. Seluna had joined us by this point, since she would be one of the mediators at the meeting. The druid warded us against the oozes, making so they wouldn't hurt us quite as badly. Yornik showed us the locations of the traps between us and the oozes, so that we wouldn't get hit by them.

       As we moved through the tunnels, Mezzem spotted a rune in a disgusting refuse pile, that marked the place as Sajin's ancestral home. I doubled over laughing. Of course the asshole's ancestral home, that he had hoped to claim, was in a stinky pile of refuse. Eew.

       We came across several bodies that had been partially digested by oozes- we knew the signs thanks to Glabbagool; having him here would have been nice, he could have spied on them for us. In the tunnel ahead was a blackish-red ooze that was leaving a smoldering trail behind it, as if it were lava. That's not fucking good. There was also a black drip coming from the ceiling. Somehow Thecker could not see them at all, even though they were right in front of us- she asked for one of us to point them out. Rosebud began to charge in, then apparently remembered that Lily had told him to wear goggles against the oozes, and turned around to get some from Mezzem.

       After handing Rosebud some goggles, Mezzem released a bolt of divine radiance at the red one. Tali launched several arrows into the ooze. The black one had reached the ground and it collided with the red one, it caught flame and began to grow... Not good. Rosebud, now wearing his eye protection, charged out once more and attacked the black ooze- his sword got stuck in it and he had to strain hard to get the weapon free. Thecker used her ice gun on the red ooze, and it froze instantly. I popped off a shot at the black one that was still advancing toward us.

       Suddenly, a piece of marble that had looked like wall, detached and turned into a fucking ooze- it swiped at me and thankfully missed. Seluna shifted into a panther and tore into the black ooze, yet she somehow left no marks- interesting ability. Mezzem and Tali both directed their attacks at the marble pudding attacking me, while the black one advanced on Rosebud- and his shield got stuck... Thecker shot it with her ice gun and it melted. All that seemed to be left was the marble attacking me.

       I stabbed the marble with my Rod's spear function, and the damned thing split. I thought that they only split from slashing blades. Shit. I stumbled as it split and got stuck to the fucking wall, then one of the marbles decided to make me even more stuck by hardening around me. Seluna torn into one of the marbles and killed it, and Tali took care of the second one. I managed to get myself free of the stupid wall. We moved on to find the Pudding King.

       The Pudding King's court was housed in what used to be the heart of Blingdenstone's government. "The walls of the great cavern were covered in slime- dripping, sickening green slime. Echoes of dripping water also fill the cave, in the center of which is a large spherical structure is held up off the floor by stone pillars. Around these pillars crawl dozens of living oozes, heaving forward while reaching out with grasping pseudopods. The sphere's surface, like the cave walls, is covered with slime. Black slime swirls with yellow and gray slime in a disgusting soup, the unearthly patterns in the movement of the slime straining our eyes and tugging at our minds.

       "A disembodied voices filled the cave. 'What's this, what's this? Visitors? Now? Not yet! We're not ready! Go away, pests! I will call upon thee and all of Blingdenstone to announce our glad tidings of the Faceless Lord to come at the proper time! Begone!'"*

       Watching the slime soup tugged at Rosebud's sanity, and for the next hour his personality is only what he consumes. Since their last meal was cave badger, he believed himself to be a badger. This place was fucking disgusting. The oozes began slowly moving toward us, and we knew we'd need backup to fight this, but since we'd seen how bad it is, we had good intel for the meeting- that should help us broker peace.

       Mezzem prayed for Bahamut's aid in this, but she sensed he wanted to help but couldn't. Apparently this Faceless One is a demon lord. We asked Lily about it and apparently she knows pretty much everything about it:

       "Called the Faceless Lord and the Oozing Hunger in ancient grimoires, Juiblex is a demon lord of slime and ooze, a noxious creature that doesn't care about the plots and schemes of others of its kind. It exists only to consume, digesting and transforming living matter into more of itself.

       "A true horror, Juiblex is a mass of bubbling slime, swirling black and green, with glaring red eyes floating and shifting within it. It can rise up like a 20-foot hill, lashing out with dripping pseudopods to drag victims into its bulk. Those consumed by Juiblex are obliterated.

       "Only the truly insane worship Juiblex and tend to its slimes and oozes. Those who offer themselves up to the demon lord are engulfed by it and become vaguely humanoid, sentient oozes. The bodies of these former flesh-and-blood creatures for Juiblex's extended physical body, while the demon lord slowly digests and savors their identities over time."*

       Well, that doesn't sound good. Shit...

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.