Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Forty-Two

Into the Abyss Part 3:
Mansion Mishaps

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Callalily Thundersword-Petunia, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights

Riddle, Claire's baby basilisk

Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine

Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine

Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halftaur Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there

Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and mother of the Petunia clan; champion of the Living Dungeon

Astrid Oleander Rockham-Petunia, the Longstrider Shifter Drow Evocation Wizard

Calipso, Astrid's Lizard Raven Familiar
Kazul, the Copper  Platinum Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut who has fallen from grace

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne

Flimflam Pebblehead-Petunia, the Deep Gnome Selkie Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds

Alfalfa Cover Petunia, the Halftaur "Crocling" Wererat Fighter, formerly Rosebud's other half who can't take anything seriously and thinks he's the greatest at everything

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade

Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food

Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla attacked the party at a gateway they found

Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville attacked the party at a gateway they found

Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon

Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow

Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight

Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu

Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)

Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom

Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds

Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him

Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa

Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies

Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home

Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver- grick kibble

Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut- stayed in Blingdenstone

Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil- dust in the wind

Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone

Stool, the Myconid Child- stayed in Blingdenstone

Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist- MIA after the Battle of Blingdenstone

Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone

Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout- MIA after Astrid's wish

Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later- MIA after Astrid's wish, believed to be trapped in the Abyss
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer- stayed on the Material Plane

Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist- stayed on the Material Plane

Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar- stayed on the Material Plane

Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar- stayed on the Material Plane
Arwenel, the Elf Scholar- victim of Geophry's tantrum
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy- banished to the Material Plane

Party members killed: 25

Overall party members lost: 40

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Nightal 10, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Azzagrat, 45th Layer, aboard the Abyssal Kestral

       Momma and I decided we needed to discuss the plans with the captain, and perhaps strike a better deal with him that would get us free. Rosebud came with us, and Seluna attempted to keep Flimflam in our room in the ship, but he threw a fit and followed anyways. It's no wonder Geophry gets along with him so well.

       We learned the captain's name was Olos'nah, and that he wanted mortal souls in exchange for helping us; apparently demon souls weren't worth quite as much. We wanted to arrange a double-cross, where Olos'nah would take us to a bounty office that's easy to escape from, and then aid us in getting away. In return for his aid, Olos'nah wanted us to work for him on the Material Plane, we would collect for him the souls of the people we killed, and after each member of the Petunia family had gathered twenty-five souls, our debt would be paid. He gave us each a crystal, which we were to touch someone with after killing them, but we had a very short window to do so before their souls went to their God, or the Wall.

       Seluna had apparently already negotiated with him for her freedom, so Not-Kazul was the only one who hadn't tried, because she didn't care. He said if she wanted in on the deal, she'd have to pay two thousand souls, the amount her bounty was worth. She had dropped into meditation as soon as we got back from killing the demon treant, and hadn't budged since. Not that I cared.

       Since we wouldn't have our weapons or armor on us when we escaped from the bounty office, Momma decided we needed to spar for practice, so Astrid cast a spell she called Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion, which created a massive mansion full of food and servants for us. The place was incredible, the walls were fish tanks with tons of tropical fish swimming through them, but since it was magic you couldn't see what was on the other side of the wall. She set up a training room in the house, and we all began practicing what we could do unarmed, with no armor or anything.

       Flimflam thought the fish were plotting to kill him, so he cast the spell himself, wanting to go to his own mansion. Astrid felt the edges of her spell begin to bulge, she tried to stop it, but wasn't quick enough. Suddenly Momma, Flimflam, and I were back in the room on the ship, and no one else was anywhere to be seen.

       When Flimflam had cast his spell, he had tried to open an extradimensional space inside an already existing extradimensional space, creating the same reaction that occurs when you put a bag of holding inside another bag of holding. The entire ship had been shunted to the Astral Plane. Everyone who wasn't in the room was within fifty feet of the ship- except for Alfie and Astrid. Astrid and Alfie were lost, floating in the "Astral Sea," a gray expanse of nothingness. 

       We went up top and discovered we were now in a large gray expanse, which Momma said was the Astral Sea. The others were "swimming" to us, and the ship was badly damaged. The ship was adrift and Olos'nah said it was now in dire need of repairs. We searched, but saw no sign of Astrid or Alfie. I prayed we'd find Astrid.

Image courtesy of thecampaign20xx.blogspot.com

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Forty-One

Into the Abyss Part 2:
Bounties Hunted

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Callalily Thundersword-Petunia, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights

Riddle, Claire's baby basilisk

Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine

Urthstripe, Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine

Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halftaur Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there

Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and mother of the Petunia clan; champion of the Living Dungeon

Astrid Oleander Rockham-Petunia, the Longstrider Shifter Evocation Wizard

Calipso, Astrid's Lizard Familiar
Kazul, the Copper  Platinum Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut who has fallen from grace

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne

Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy

Flimflam Pebblehead-Petunia, the Deep Gnome Selkie Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds

Alfalfa Cover Petunia, the Halftaur "Crocling" Wererat Fighter, formerly Rosebud's other half who can't take anything seriously and thinks he's the greatest at everything

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade

Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food

Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla attacked the party at a gateway they found

Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville attacked the party at a gateway they found

Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon

Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow

Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight

Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu

Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)

Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom

Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds

Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him

Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa

Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies

Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home

Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver- grick kibble

Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut- stayed in Blingdenstone

Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil- dust in the wind

Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone

Stool, the Myconid Child- stayed in Blingdenstone

Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist- MIA after the Battle of Blingdenstone

Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone

Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout- MIA after Astrid's wish

Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later- MIA after Astrid's wish, believed to be trapped in the Abyss
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer- stayed on the Material Plane

Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist- stayed on the Material Plane

Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar- stayed on the Material Plane

Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar- stayed on the Material Plane
Arwenel, the Elf Scholar- stayed on the Material Plane

Friendly Fire: 296

Overall party members lost: 39

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Nightal 9, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Azzagrat, 45th Layer

       When we'd finished resting, Momma decided to let Not-Kazul out of his flask to see if he could figure out what's wrong with her. She looked at us all dully, as if she wasn't entirely registering us; she was completely impassive, and when Momma brought up Bahamut, she shrugged and said she guessed he was her God. Momma told her to use her acid breath, and it was a really weak spray; after that Momma used the spell that gives him information and came to the conclusion that Not-Kazul had fallen for killing the unicorn, and Bahamut was punishing her by revoking her powers. That explained why her scales looked tarnished.

       While Momma debated on what to do with Not-Kazul, Rosebud began yelling at Flimflam, demanding he shift into his seal form. He shifted and threw a bolt of flame at Rosebud. My crazy halftaur brother then picked Flimflam up and began running in a circle with him- creating a circle of seal shit. Flimflam was cussing him out the entire time; it was hilarious, and a wonderful distraction from Not-Kazul, who Momma had decided could stay out of the flask.

       We'd been traveling for about half an hour when we heard a vrock screech. Rosebud decided to lead it away from us, by making false tracks for it to follow and concealing our actual tracks.

***** Nightal 10, Azzagrat, 45th Layer

       After about eight hours of travel we were actually able to make out the shapes of the trees; we'd be entering the forest soon, we hoped. Then we heard the sound of vrocks coming from all angles. Momma told us to gather in close so he could drop a Hut on us, and to only step out of it if we had a clear shot.

       Vrocks began to surround us, and their screeches stunned most of us. I started chucking my javelin at one of them, and Rosebud finished it with a toss of his hammer. Then dretches began pouring out of the woods and another vrock swooped in with a screech. Flimflam cast something at it that looked like a beam of pure sunlight, then a phantom carrion crawler appeared next to Flimflam, apparently it was his steed now. Magic is fucking weird. Flimflam's beam didn't kill the vrock, and it managed to poison Astrid before flying back up; Rosebud and I hit it, but apparently we didn't hit it quite hard enough this time.

       The dretches released clouds of poison too, hitting Astrid and Geophry as they began to surround us. Not-Kazul moved to start pounding on the dretches, but she stumbled instead and three of them ripped into her. She's definitely Not-Kazul. Flimflam banished another vrock to the Celestial Plane, and Momma yelled that we needed to get rid of the damn dretches before he could put up the Hut. Alfie actually managed to stab one of them, and Astrid released a spell that looked like a rainbow- which killed the three in front of her. Rosebud and I finished off the last six of them.

       Suddenly Rosebud was unable to move, vrocks can't do that so we must have another enemy we haven't seen yet. Shit. Then Astrid released that rainbow spell again, only this time it was aimed at me, Rosebud, and Not-Kazul; something was controlling her. We still didn't see anything to attack, so Flimflam used a spell to try to clear the poisonous cloud that was still lurking near us. Flimflam turned to us and unleashed a group of multicolored beams at us. Geophry vanished, Astrid was hit with fire, Alfie was struck with poison, and I was struck by acid and cold, and I was suddenly exhausted again, and could not stand without something to lean on.

       Then I was engulfed in flames as Astrid dropped a fireball on me and everything went dark. Lily was charmed by the unseen enemies and told Rosebud that Claire had turned on them and he needed to bind her. Seluna realized what was happening and charmed Lily, overriding the charm the unseen foes had cast; she told Lily to break the enchantments on the others. Flimflam summoned two Hands, going for Rosebud and Lily; he missed the halftaur, but managed to scoop up his adopted mother. 

       Alfie shot his blowgun at Astrid and she went down; he went to retrieve the dart, and somehow managed to completely kill her in the process of removing it. Rosebud had been ordered to stabilize Claire, but keep her subdued; he gave her a potion and whacked her on the temple to keep her unconscious. Lily tried frantically to break the charms on the group, but so far it didn't seem to be working. Flimflam managed to grab and pin Seluna with his Hand, and Rosebud had Alfie in a hold he couldn't break. 

       Kazul ignored the plight of her companions and decided to head for the trees, which attacked her. The monk responded by setting one on fire; she had entered the Viper Forest. Kazul continued trekking through the forest, killing any tree that attacked her- and many of them did. 

      The unseen assailants finally began appearing, it was a group of cambions. Seluna shifted into a huge dinosaur and hit one of the cambion so hard with her tail it dropped. Another cambion went for Lily, with Rosebud's help; but Lily escaped the moment he was hit. Seluna hit the other cambion and it fell to its knees. Lily realized one of them wasn't actually down, it was awake and attempting to subtly cast a spell. 

       One of the cambions decided to head into the forest to go for Kazul, who was still ignoring the battle behind her in favor of killing trees. The cambion did some serious damage to the monk, and she attempted to hide from him in a bush- that was full of thorns. 

       Seluna was faced with little choice other than to beat on Rosebud; still under the charm, he could drop everyone who was still up. Lily pulled out his iron flask and put Rosebud in it, while Seluna worked on killing the cambions. Between the two of them, they managed to drop the three cambions.

       Lily cast a spell to revive everyone, but before the spell went off, a small hole appeared at his feet- which stopped the spell. Another appeared at Seluna's feet, and a third at Kazul's; they were all trapped in force cages. 

       Their captor announced that they needed to surrender if they wanted to live, he would rather take them alive. Lily began trying to force an attunement to his Staff of the Magi to get out of the force cage, but something in the cage prevented it from happening. He released Rosebud from the flask and commanded his son to break them out of the cage.

       After about ten minutes a ship appeared, descending from the air. Instead of wood, the ship was made of flesh and bones, a Ship of Chaos. A tiefling was leaning over the rail pointing a rifle at Lily, and an owlbear in robes was standing behind him. He told Lily that the group had bounties on their heads, everyone's was five hundred souls per person, except for Kazul, whose bounty was for two thousand souls. He said he would let Lily revive everyone if he surrendered peacefully; the entire time holding the gun on Rosebud, ready to kill him if Lily stepped out of line. 

       When I came to Astrid was a drow, and Momma explained to us that there were bounties on all of our heads. He said if we went peacefully with the tiefling threatening to kill Rosebud, we could make some sort of deal with him. We had little choice in the matter, so we all agreed. The tiefling said he'd take us to one of the outskirt bounty offices, instead of one in a city, so that we'd have an easier time escaping. He vouched for all of the Petunia Clan, so everyone except Not-Kazul, technically Seluna hadn't been adopted in, but that was only because she declined to be, that we would behave and not try to escape.

     The ship was the most peculiar thing I've ever seen. In the center of it was a massive maw where they fed living things to it, in order to keep it alive and regenerating. Where there should have been wood was bone, with flesh, and the rigging and sails seemed to be made of muscles. Needless to say, the thing was utterly disgusting.

       Since feeding souls to the ship was what kept it running, the captain told us that we would stay the night where we were, in hopes that someone would come walking by that he could scoop up and feed to the ship. We hadn't gotten the tiefling's name, but it seemed to be just him and the owlbear that he called his brother aboard.

       Rosebud randomly started beating up Alfie, and would not stop when Momma told him to; he was in big trouble now, and it was both amusing and terrifying to watch Momma berate my brother for ignoring him.

       After about seven hours, something was spotted in the trees below us. Momma, Rosebud, and Alfie jumped off the ship, while I pulled out the flying carpet I'd gotten from the dragon mummy and Astrid and I flew down. Not-Kazul stayed on the deck, watching us with her cold, dead eyes; it seemed I had not been wrong to send that letter to her temple, she was pretty much dead. I loathed what she had become, and wanted her out of my life for good.

       Trees began to attack Rosebud as soon as he landed, so Astrid shot some force darts at it, and it seemed to die. As we descended, I heard the captain tell Not-Kazul to go down and help us, she jumped off, but if this was anything like the last fight, she was just going to abandon us again; I don't think I've ever despised someone as much as I do her. Seluna became a bird and followed us to the ground.

       Below us Rosebud began beating on another tree, while one went for Alfie- who responded by biting the tree. Flimflam did his fire breath at a cluster of trees and was flung thirty or so feet away, landing in a bush, that began hurting him. I whipped at the bush, and it shuddered, then my brother fell unconscious. The tree Alfie had bit seemed to bite him back, and he froze as though he couldn't move. Rosebud and Astrid began slinging fire at the trees, and I revived Flimflam before killing a tree myself.

       Suddenly, green fists came shooting out of the ground, grabbing Astrid, and punching Rosebud and Not-Kazul; Astrid was pulled underground with the hands. I pulled out Urthstripe and sent him into the ground to find Astrid, just before a tentacle wrapped around me. I managed to sever it, but it still kept its hold- this place sucks. Not-Kazul was apparently uninterested in going after Astrid, though that shouldn't have surprised me, and she began beating up a different tree.

       The green fists came at us again, this time striking me, Momma, Flimflam, and Not-Kazul. Before they could retreat I stabbed one of them with my acid blade. Beneath the ground, Astrid struggled to escape the demonic treant, but it proved too strong for her. Urthstripe came across the treant and it killed him, reverting him back to a figurine. A bush began to strike me, and I retaliated- I couldn't help my friend and sister while being hit by that stupid bush. Flimflam set another section of the forest on fire, because he's a fucking pyro. Rosebud threw his hammers down the tunnel that Urthstripe had dug us, and from the cry of pain, I think he hit the owner of those green fists.

       A massive tree came partway out of the ground, and we all set our attacks on it. It died with a shudder, and we were able to free Astrid.

***** Neverwinter

       When Geophry vanished, he ended up back in Neverwinter, in the Tower. He threw a full on tantrum at being sent back, and began rampaging through the place. Amin barricaded himself in his room in the dungeon, but Arwenel wasn't so lucky. Geophry killed her, and Amin was the only witness; he told Lith and Niles that Geophry was an evil little monster, but they never found any proof of that. Lith and Niles were able to calm Geophry down, but unfortunately it was too late for them to save their friend. 

Image courtesy of thecampaign20xx.blogspot.com

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

5e House Rules

If you have your own house rules that you think would be a good addition to ours, let us know in the comments; you may see your rules in this sheet the next time we update this!

These pages were created at The Homebrewery, an amazing resource for people who make their own content.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Forty

Into the Abyss Part 1:
The Arena

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Callalily Thundersword-Petunia, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights

Riddle, Claire's baby basilisk

Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine

Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine

Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halftaur Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there

Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and mother of the Petunia clan; champion of the Living Dungeon

Astrid Oleander Rockham-Petunia, the Longstrider Shifter Evocation Wizard

Calipso, Astrid's Lizard Familiar

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne

Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer

Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy

Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist

Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar

Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar

Flimflam Pebblehead-Petunia, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds

Arwenel, the Elf Scholar

Alfalfa Cover Petunia, the Halftaur "Crocling" Wererat Fighter, formerly Rosebud's other half who can't take anything seriously and thinks he's the greatest at everything

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade

Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food

Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla attacked the party at a gateway they found

Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville attacked the party at a gateway they found

Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon

Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow

Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight

Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu

Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)

Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom

Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds

Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him

Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa

Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies

Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home

Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver- grick kibble

Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamu- stayed in Blingdenstone

Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil- dust in the wind

Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone

Stool, the Myconid Child- stayed in Blingdenstone

Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist- MIA after the Battle of Blingdenstone

Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone

Kazul, the Copper  Platinum Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget was restored to life by her god- MIA after Astrid's wish

Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout- MIA after Astrid's wish

Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later- MIA after Astrid's wish, believed to be trapped in the Abyss

Friendly Fire: 272

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Nightal 5, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Neverwinter

       We realized that Alfie wasn't with us, he had run away when Momma had scared him for trying to bite him. Retracing our steps, we eventually found my brother cowering in fear in the top room of the pyramid- a room that was quickly filling with smoke. Momma said the only way we could get out would be to plane shift, and Lith said she could protect us for a few seconds in the Feywild. Momma cast the spell, and I felt a lurch, as if I'd been shifted to the left without moving; it was an odd sensation.

       We were in a large, cold, finely but sparsely decorated foyer, with torches that glittered in an icy blue light. All of the eyes in the portraits shifted to gaze at us, and every statue began advancing on us. Thankfully Momma was able to move us out of there, and to the Tower before they could do anything.

       Seluna told us that about two blocks of the city were on fire because of us, and she cast out about a hundred different seeds so the forest wouldn't take to heavy of a loss in the rebuilding that would now have to happen.

***** Nightal 6, Neverwinter

       In the morning we divvied up the mummy's hoard, and Astrid found something that made her give Flimflam that stupid ring. Momma and Rosebud went into the city to get some shopping done so we could leave; I stayed behind to finish the Tome Momma had bought me, and Astrid needed to copy her spells into her new book. When they returned they said there was going to be an auction that night that we needed to attend.

       I left a little early for the auction so I could mail a few letters. I sent letters to Elle's pack, Kara's mercenary group, and Vadania's village telling them what happened and the heroic actions my friends had done that led to their deaths. I also sent one to Kazul's temple telling them of her death in Bahamutsville. I left out the part about her being brought back, because she was trapped in the Abyss, and because she isn't Kazul anymore. The final letter I sent was to my mother in Cormyr, telling her that I was very much alive, explaining that the Deck of Many Things is what led them to give up on me, and telling her I very much wanted to come home, but I wanted to resume my life. I couldn't resume my life in the Thundersword family or in the Army of the Purple Dragon while I was considered dead. I whispered a prayer to Torm that my family would reverse this and let me come home.

       Momma ended up buying out the entire auction, and we got some wonderful goods for the money.

***** Nightal 7, Neverwinter

       I needed twelve more hours to finish the Tome Momma had gotten me, and I really wanted to finish it before we went to the Abyss- which worked well, since Astrid was still working on adding her spells to the new book we'd gotten from the hoard.

       Momma and Rosebud went back into town to pick up and order and finish up any last minute shopping. A wizard from the auction the night before jumped Momma in an alley, so Momma teleported them all back to the Tower and attempted to bind the wizard. He escaped and turned Rosebud into a chicken, then Astrid into a rabbit. Once Momma dispelled the magic that made Astrid a rabbit, he adopted Astrid into our odd little family.

***** Nightal 8, Neverwinter

       We were finally ready to go to the Abyss to find Mithrilye, and possibly Not-Kazul. After a little debate, it was decided that Flimflam, Geophry, and Seluna would accompany us there; Alfie threw a tantrum and stormed off when we told him he had to stay in the Tower. Amin made us some amazing potions before we left, and I asked Lith to take care of Riddle for me; I whispered a prayer to Torm that he wouldn't be permanently in her care.

       Finally we made the shift, but it was different this time. Just as our destination began to take shape, we felt as if we were shunted to a different location. Flimflam was a little sick when we arrived- in an arena in the middle of a feast. In the ring were a couple groups of slaves, some fighting, and some fucking- we were definitely in Graz'zt's realm, and right next to the weird orgy.

       There was a gasp of surprise from the audience, followed by applause; I think they thought we were there on purpose. We were in a hazy landscape, and we could almost make out a tree line in the distance, but it seemed pretty far off. Momma said "greetings from the Material Plane," and apologized for interrupting their party. A female lamia told everyone to clear the stage, and asked what we were doing here- I think she may have been the host, considering how quickly the slaves moved at her command.

       Momma gave her an odd description of what we were doing there, saying we were looking for a couple of missing slaves of hers. The lamia told us to come and enjoy her hospitality before discussing our plight; Momma started to move toward her, but was stopped by guards, and the demon harshly told us we'd speak later.

       With that, the fights resumed, and a small group of adventurers was destroyed by a displacer beast. Momma started bragging that Rosebud or I could easily take the beast- then Rosebud said he could with one hand tied behind his back. She told us that if we all fought her creatures and won we would receive safe passage out of there.

       Rosebud went first, fighting that displacer beast with one hand tied behind his back. Of course, my brother won that fight. Next up went Flimflam and Geophry, against a doppelganger; they won their fight too, with Flimflam shouting to the crowd that he would murder everyone. Astrid was next up, fighting against a cockatrice, and she disintegrated it right away.

       My fight did not go as well as my sibling's fights had. I was fighting a demon ape thing- I think Momma said at one point that they're call balguras. It was creepy as hell, and we exchanged blows for what felt like forever, before the thing pinned me down. The last thing I remember is pain and my vision darkening. Claire was dead, so Rosebud ran into the arena to avenge his sister and bring her body back to Lily for revival. He defeated the ape, declared himself "Bud, the Crusher of Rapist Demon Apes," and got Claire's body back just in time. I came to with Momma shoving potions down my throat, telling me I'd died for a couple of seconds, but not long enough for the ritual that's illegal according to Cormyrean law.

       Munching on some bread, I turned my attention back to the arena in time to see a very familiar platinum dragonborn walking in. Not-Kazul was here, and seemed to be in a daze. Astrid asked me if I was okay, and since I'd already made peace with the real Kazul being dead, and this platinum version being an impostor, I didn't really care. Not-Kazul was fighting a unicorn... that wouldn't go well for her, no matter how the fight ended. After exchanging blows for a moment, Not-Kazul killed the unicorn, and with a burst of energy it became a nightmare. Not-Kazul's scales took on a tarnished look, it seemed Bahamut was punishing her, which makes sense since killing a unicorn is a completely evil deed.

       Momma named himself his champion and said he wanted to fight Not-Kazul. Momma grabbed her right away, turned her into a mouse, and sucked her into his iron flask. It was very anti-climactic, except for Alfie popping out of the flask the moment Momma opened it. Apparently the little shit had hidden himself in there so he could come with us.

       After that we just had to watch the shows for a couple of hours before the lamia decided to let us leave. The safe passage she was granting us through her lands ended right outside the arena- of course.

       Momma thought that Mithrilye was in one of Graz'zt's towers, and did some sort of spell with an amulet that indicated we should head toward the forest, that was so far away we could barely make out its existence. With that big of a distance to travel, we began to brainstorm ways to travel faster, but were interrupted when Alfie began throwing stars at Momma. Momma was furious and summoned his Hand, scooping my strange little brother up in it, bringing him over to him, and spanking him with the Hand. Alfie's ass was broken, and he was really fucked up. I took the Robe of Stars away from him per Momma's request.

       As we traveled I heard Geophry telling Rosebud to make a song about me being humped to death by the demon ape... the song was awful. When that got shut down, he started picking on Alfie; for some reason, Geophry cannot stand our new brother.

       Eventually we stopped and made camp, the Hut was really crowded with so many of us. While we rested, Momma put something called a Geas on Alfie to make him like him. These random attacks on Momma were getting very irritating to all of us.

***** Nightal 9, Azzagrat, 45th Layer

       It took us a little while to figure out which direction we had been traveling in last night, the landscape here kind of blended together. Rosebud had left a mark on the ground, outside our Hut, but it had gotten a little smudged in the night. Thankfully, Momma was able to determine which was we needed to go.

       After eight hours of walking, I dropped to the ground from exhaustion. I don't know why I was suddenly so wiped out, but I just couldn't walk another step. As I stumbled, we felt a rumbling in the ground, but before we could react to that, there was a familiar screech and a vrock dove at us. Shit. This was not a good time for this.

       Rosebud threw his hammers at the fiend just before it stunned him, Astrid, Alfie, and Chairy. One vrock dove at Astrid and another went for Rosebud; I rose, stumbled to the vrock that was attacking Astrid, and slashed it with my whip. Flimflam pointed his staff at the vrock on Rosebud and used plane shift to send it somewhere. It ended up in the Celestial Plane. 

       Seluna cast something on me that made me feel much better, and Momma attempted to turn a vrock into a mouse; instead, poison came out of it, poisoning Alfie and Geophry. The rumbling had been getting louder and louder during all of this, and suddenly a minotaur looking thing came charging in, spearing Momma on his horn, and punching him off. Momma didn't die, but he didn't look too god either. Momma told us later that this thing was a goristro called Orwantz who acted as border patrol for Graz'zt.

       I finished off the vrock and went for Orwantz, hitting him once with my blade. Flimflam used the plane shift on Orwantz, hoping to send him to the Celestial Plane as well. We collected ourselves, and about a minute passed before Orwantz returned; we'd hoped since the vrock hadn't come back that he wouldn't either. He speared Flimflam, and my brother crumpled in his seat- he seemed to be dying. Shit.

       I ran up to it and channeled my anger at it through my blade, hitting it with several vicious attacks and bashing it with Demon's Mirror, my shield. Seluna slashed at it with her blade, and even though it somehow- magically- drew no blood, the demon screamed in pain from her assault. Rosebud blew his horn and summoned his gargoyles, who instantly surrounded the beast. Astrid screamed at it, and Alfie- having been given back his Robe of Stars because of the Geas- tossed two stars at it. Orwantz slammed his foot into the ground, causing tremors to ripple out around us; they fucking hurt, and Astrid went down.

       Seluna, Rosebud, and I continued beating him, and it seemed to be hurting him, but he didn't seem to be injured enough yet to start wavering. As I felt my injuries knit closed from Momma's healing magic, it stomped its foot again, making us all stumble back. That quake must have messed up my balance a little bit, because my next series of strikes pinged off his armor; except my shield, but it doesn't do much damage on its own. Seluna hurried to revive Astrid, and Orwantz slashed her as she moved away, I retaliated with a strike of my own on him,

       As we continued slashing at it, it moved like it was going to charge Seluna, but instead went for Momma, hitting both him and Chairy with a nasty blow. Geophry toppled over and Momma was thrown about twenty feet away. Then the fucker went to stab behind Alfie. I followed it and began another series of strikes against it; between my strikes and Rosebud's- which were fueled by pure hatred at the sight of what this thing had done to our family- it was bleeding profusely and swaying on its feet. It shoved me aside and went for Seluna and Astrid, both of them dropped from the attack. Momma revived both of them, and after a bunch more blows, it finally went down. We saw its soul fly off, but knew it would be back eventually.

       Flimflam was completely dead, so Seluna had to reincarnate him. He turned into a selkie, which Momma said are elves that turn into seals; his new forms were peculiar.

       We only traveled for another hour, to get some distance between us and Orwantz, before Momma set up the Hut so we could get some rest; that had been an exhausting battle.

       Geophry offered Alfie a draw from the Deck of Many Things, and he chose two cards. The first one he drew was Ruin, luckily for him he didn't really have anything. Alfie's second draw was the Moon, and he got two wishes. First he wished for normal sized arms, and suddenly he had halfing-looking arms that were super buff. His second wish was beneficial to all of us: "I wish the demons couldn't hurt all of us, like all the time, as much." Hopefully that would make the demons unable to hurt us as easily.

Photo owned by Wizards of the Coast, artwork by Jared Blando.

Image courtesy of thecampaign20xx.blogspot.com/

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-Nine

Bean Troubles

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword-Petunia, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights

Riddle, Claire's baby basilisk

Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine

Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine

Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halftaur Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there

Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and mother of the Petunia clan; champion of the Living Dungeon

Astrid Rockham, the Longstrider Shifter Evocation Wizard

Calipso, Astrid's Lizard Familiar
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut astral projected in to help

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne

Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer

Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy

Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist

Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar

Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar

Flimflam Pebblehead-Petunia, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds

Arwenel, the Elf Scholar

Alfalfa Cover Petunia, the Centling legged "Crocling" Wererat Fighter, formerly Rosebud's other half who can't take anything seriously and thinks he's the greatest at everything

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade

Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food

Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla attacked the party at a gateway they found

Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville attacked the party at a gateway they found

Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon

Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow

Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight

Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu

Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)

Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom

Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds

Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing

Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa

Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies

Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home

Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver- grick kibble

Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut- stayed in Blingdenstone

Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil- dust in the wind

Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone

Stool, the Myconid Child- stayed in Blingdenstone

Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist- MIA after the Battle of Blingdenstone

Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone

Kazul, the Copper  Platinum Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget was restored to life by her god- MIA after Astrid's wish

Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout- MIA after Astrid's wish

Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later- MIA after Astrid's wish, believed to be trapped in the Abyss

Friendly Fire: 270

Party members killed: 24

Overall party members lost: 40

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Nightal 5, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Neverwinter

       Twelve shriekers appeared around Geophry, as two huge geysers erupted- one of tea, the other of beer. A statue of me and a statue of Momma appeared and each started berating us as twenty-two pink frogs appeared; they began turning into things as they bounced around. Then the ground began to rumble a, making Lith, Geophry, Flimflam, and Alfie fall over as a massive tree appeared, destroying the statue of me; it was a treant that had eyes only for Alfie.

       Rosebud crashed into the statue of Momma, destroying it for lying about him. Momma shot a beam of bluish energy at the treant, and Lith lashed out with her whip. Alfie backed away from the treant, and two frogs turned into displacer beasts, one scored hits on Alfie and Rosebud, while the other completely missed Lith. This room was quickly filling with all sorts of peculiar beasts. Alfie tossed out a fireball- I don't know where he got that ability- and killed several of the beasts, though the flames also caused a bunch more frogs to change. Flimflam tossed a lightning bolt at the treant, killing it and a bunch of other beasts, then he followed up with a double fireball, which killed everything except the mimic.

       Lith and Flimflam began casting ice spells to try to put out the fire he'd started, when we heard an otherworldly scream from the shop above, that was quickly silenced. The mimic was full of gold, and we took it to the room below us to sort out later. The room was very small and cramped, so Momma shrunk Geophry and Flimflam to make room; though it probably would have made more sense to shrink Rosebud.

       In Blingdenstone, Bahamut came to Mezzem and told her that Kazul was in trouble. He offered her the ability to astral project to the party to warn them, which she accepted. Mezzem appeared in the burning room above the party, and tripped, landing face-first at Lily's feet in the room below. 

       Suddenly, out of nowhere a silvery, translucent Mezzem was lying at Lily's feet. Apparently this day was not done being strange. Mezzem announced to us that Not-Kazul was in trouble, she was trapped in the Abyss. So that's what happened to her, oh well. I told Mezzem we were going there to find Mithrilye anyways, so if we found Not-Kazul, we'd help her probably. I honestly did not care where Not-Kazul was, even if it was the Abyss. Mezzem seemed insistent that we leave for the Abyss right away, but we told her we had to go kill the mummy and finish buying supplies first. I don't know why she cared so much, I don't think they interacted much while we were in Blingdenstone. Maybe Bahamut was pressuring her to go save Not-Kazul.

       Lily realized that the sandstone I was standing on sounded hollow beneath my feet, but there wasn't room for me to move to inspect it, so Rosebud and Lith went into the endless maze to make some room. Mezzem used a crowbar to pry the stone loose, and underneath was a staircase leading down.

       We went down the stairs, and entered another 10x10 room, that was only 5 feet tall, making impossible for most of us to stand upright. The air in the room was damp too, which seemed odd for an ancient mummy tomb. Momma shrank all of us so we'd fit in the stupid room, and Astrid announced one of the walls was a trap. It wasn't... so while Momma yelled at her for being an idiot, Rosebud began pounding on the very obvious doorway.

       When Rosebud had finished bashing the door in, we were standing before a long, dark hallway. As we began moving down the hall, Rosebud heard the sound of Alfie eating something, and discovered there were poisonous snakes swarming out of the walls. They went for Momma and I, so while Rosebud began swinging at the ones on Momma, Alfie began slurping down the snakes on me as if they were noodles. Astrid sent a bolt of flame at the ones on me, and I was able to finish them off. Momma produced a flute that seemed to piss off the snakes- though I doubt that was the intention. Mezzem thought it would be a good idea to hit Momma with her pillar of radiance to hit the snakes, but she hit Momma in the process. Alfie began slurping down the snakes on Momma, and Astrid finished them off with another bolt of fire.

       Eventually we came upon another staircase, and at the bottom of it the air felt even damper; but this room was a little bit larger. In this room were two enormous statues of vipers, that were disturbingly lifelike; almost as if they were two actual vipers that had been dipped in gold. Rosebud grabbed one of the statues and tried to wiggle it, but it wouldn't budge. Momma told him that they were full of some sort of transmutation magic and all of us needed to leave them the Hells alone.

       There were a couple of doors in the viper room, so Rosebud and I each broke one of them down; they both led to hallways with dead ends. We both called out that we were looking for potential doorways when Momma called out to us.

       While Rosebud and Claire had been searching for the way to go, the snakes began to glow red. They animated and lunged forward. Lily cried out to Claire and Rosebud that the snakes were active. Then he set off a lightning bolt that hit both of the snakes, turning them into two piles of molten gold and charred viper. As Rosebud turned around to aid his Momma, he set off a trap in the hallway, and then Lily stepped into the hallway to stop him, setting off a dart trap. 

       Astrid came into my hallway, and told me that the snakes had been disposed of. She found a pressure plate in the hall, and hit it with her spectral hand spell- the little one, not the giant purple evil. Apparently she wasn't far enough away when she pushed it though, she cried out in pain and was suddenly blinded and deafened. Momma came over to our hall and turned that trap off while Mezzem fixed Astrid.

       When we went back into the snake room Rosebud was trying to harvest the liquid gold, splashing it around everywhere. Geophry jumped in it and began leaving little gold footprints everywhere, giggling wildly. Then Alfie snapped his jaws in the gold, giving himself gold plated teeth. My brothers are insane... Chairy called our "gold ball fight!" and started chucking gold balls and Rosebud and I. Thankfully Momma came out of the hallway after that, putting an end to that. He had found the way out in the hallway Rosebud had been in. All the while Mezzem kept reminding us that Not-Kazul was in trouble, as if she expected us to leave the mummy tomb and just pop over to the Abyss straight away.
.
       Rosebud broke down the doorway that Momma had found, and the other side was hazy, almost like we were looking at an illusion; he kept swinging and hit Momma. Rosebud was then charmed by a pair of glowing eyes on the other side of the doorway. Mezzem tried to hold Rosebud with magic, but he broke out of the hold and swung at Momma again, his intent clear. Shit. Astrid tried to do something to counter the charm, but I don't think it worked. Lith tried to turn Rosebud into something else, which also didn't work, but Momma managed to succeed in breaking the charm. It was weird that Rosebud overcame those magics, he normally can't break out of spells like the hold Mezzem used.

       My brother turned to attack whatever was on the other side of the doorway, and stopped short- I think it was trying to charm him again, but he seemed to push through. The thing that charmed him was a skeletal snake, that began to slither into the room. Rosebud hacked at it and I finished the beast off, but just before it died it said "master will devour your souls for disturbing his rest." That's a little creepy.

       Flimflam and Geophry were charmed by something lurking in the next room, and Flimflam followed his instruction to attack. Flimflam tossed two lightning bolts down the hallway, hitting everyone except me, and then both he and Chairy vanished. Lith was so badly burned that she collapsed, and Astrid looked like she was about to. Something must have charmed those little shits too. Rosebud and I hurried into the room and began working on breaking down the walls.

       As Flimflam kept throwing spells at us, I frantically beat on the section of wall right in front of me. Astrid saw through the illusory wall that Rosebud was working on, and discovered a bone naga. This seemed to help Rosebud realize it wasn't a real wall, because he began beating on the naga right after- with Astrid finishing it off.

       Mezzem and Lily could see Flimflam and Geophry, and Lith had a pretty good idea of where they were at. The kobold sent her spirit blade after Flimflam, right before he used a Prismatic Spray that did nasty damage to Claire and Lith, hurt Rosebud a little, and the bulk of the damage hit Lily. Alfie saw this as an opportunity to attack Lily and ran over to him, grabbing his leg and attempting to gnaw on it, but he couldn't get a good enough grip to actually do anything. Lith charmed Alfie to make him stop chewing on Lily and sit down like a good little boy. 

       Lily was quickly turning to stone from Flimflam's spray, and there was nothing Mezzem could do to help him until he was solid. Geophry and Flimflam reappeared, and Geophry dropped a vitriolic sphere at Astrid's feet, badly injuring both her and Lith. Flimflam followed up with double lightning bolts to Rosebud and Astrid, and Astrid dropped unconscious. 

       I was still working on breaking down that wall- which would have been so much easier if I still had my Rod- when suddenly a snake head darted through it and snapped at me. At that moment, I realized that the wall I'd been working so hard to break down was a fucking illusion. I could have been protecting my little adopted family all this time, but instead I was beating on nothing. I could have kicked myself. Instead, I swung at the snake, and stumbled, missing it completely.

       Mezzem attempted to Banish the boys, but Flimflam's ioun stone negated her spell, keeping the little terrors there. Lith grabbed one of Lily's beads of force from his pocket, since he wasn't completely stone yet, and hurled it at Flimflam and Geophry; trapping them and Astrid, who had been too close to them. Astrid dropped a fireball in the sphere, where they shouldn't be able to avoid it- but somehow Flimflam was completely untouched. Whatever had been keeping them charmed was gone, but the little monsters decided to retaliate against Astrid anyway. Between the two of them Astrid was down again. 

       I looked into the eyes of the snake thing in the room, and felt compelled to wait beside it for the opportune moment to attack someone. That opportunity presented itself right away, when Rosebud came crashing in through the wall- a real wall this time. Turns out there was a little hallway connecting this room to the one he had been in. I swung at my adoptive brother and got in a good hit. Then he said "I'm telling Momma," and ran away from me. Coward.

       Lily was finally completely stone, so Mezzem fixed him; he was seething with rage at Flimflam and Geophry for what they'd done. He told both of them that if they ever did anything like that again, he would turn them into paste. Somehow Alfie didn't see his mother's rage as a sign that he shouldn't try to gnaw on him again, and bolted into for another leg chomp. Lily turned his head slowly toward the crocling, and gave him a look that made his blood freeze. Alfie wet himself and ran out of the room in sheer terror at the sight of the frozen rage in his mother's eyes.

       Hearing that Claire had been charmed, Lith lashed out with her whip at the naga that was keeping Claire charmed, and broke its concentration- Claire's mind was her own again. My head suddenly cleared and I realized what I'd just done. Shit. The snake thing stared at me again, but nothing happened; from the shudder I heard from Lith, I think it tried the same trick on her. With its failure, the snake thingy told us that our souls were forfeit, and its master would devour us all. I'm pretty sure another dead snake thing said the same thing to us; they really need more diverse material, the same threat over and over is rather boring. Before I could do anything, Rosebud charged into the room and went crazy smashing the thing, until it was more dust than anything.

       I heard that Geophry attacked Astrid after he was no longer charmed, and confronted the little shit about it. He of course claimed that he was still under a charm; when I pointed out that he probably was trying to kill Astrid to steal her ring, he denied it, shrieking at me in that obnoxious, shrill little voice of his. Before our argument really got anywhere, Momma cast something that silenced us, and then something to calm us down. Feeling better, I looked around and realized Alfie was gone, though Momma didn't say where he'd vanished to.

       Momma found a section of wall in that odd little hallway that seemed like it was supposed to slide. Rosebud pushed it open, and we were hit with a gust of damp air before we could see the staircase he'd revealed. Mezzem and I were the last ones in line, but before we could go down, the doorway vanished. I began hacking at it, but without my Rod I didn't have any blunt weapons. Mezzem used the spell that lets her move stone around, but it didn't get us too far, since the wall was apparently over five feet thick- which is as much as she can do at a time. She pulled out her mace, and I grabbed it since I am much stronger than the priestess.

       The others were working their way down the stairs, when suddenly the floor fell out from under them, making everyone fall into a puddle of acid. They all made it out of the pool, and found a doorway; Lily opened it and a pair of fists came out, hitting Rosebud. The halftaur began exchanging blows with the unseen enemy. There was a smokey, hazy area of the room that had some charred bodies in it, and Geophry charged over there to see what was happening, while Lith attempted to put the fire out. 

       I eventually broke through the stupid wall, and began going down the stairs- which then came out from under me and I tumbled into a pool of acid. Somehow Mezzem didn't fall on her way down though, so she was able to stay on the stairs and out of the fucking acid. Across the acid pool I saw Rosebud trading blows with a small mummy, which he of course dropped quickly. Momma was dragging some smoldering corpses over to the acid pit, and at the sight of Mezzem and I, he told Chairy to come get us. I fell off and into the pool of acid- which I think he may have nudged me a little, the little shit seems to have it in for me. Momma used a levitation spell to get me out of the acid, and helped me get the acid off.

       Rosebud began attacking the door on the other side of the room, and when that didn't seem to open it, he pulled on the lever-style handle... which opened it. On the other side was an antechamber of sorts with more doors. My brother picked one and kicked it open, revealing a room of large stone bleachers, that led to a path with a large reptilian creature attached to chains and in a pit. Lord Fury, were we facing a dragon mummy? That didn't sound good.

       We began to walk down these bleachers when everything suddenly shuddered, and the bleachers fell away; we were now falling down a thirty or so foot shaft toward something that made an unnerving, guttural growl. We could see a figure through the tunnel, and then everything burned. Lith and Astrid were down by the time the flames had cleared. Shit.

       Rosebud, of course, charged the figure, and it moved to bite him; then it said something none of us could understand, and a wave of rippling black energy emanated from it. Two of the sarcophagi in the room fell over and mummies emerged. As I began exchanging blows with the mummies, I realized I couldn't heal- not even my fucking potions were working. Rosebud had moved to one of the sarcophagi and was trying to hold it closed so we wouldn't be overwhelmed by the underlings- when that failed he tossed the lid aside and destroyed that mummy. Two of the mummies went for the unconscious Lith and Astrid, and breathed water into their lungs. Thankfully Mezzem was able to revive them somehow, I guess whatever was preventing me from healing was gone, or she got around it somehow. The mummies didn't seem to like her helping, and one of them grabbed her and breathed water at her- I retaliated with a stab.

      Astrid realized when she got up that she was blind, but thankfully she was able to see through Calipso's eyes. We continued to exchange blows with the little mummies for a few more breaths, while Momma kept the dragon busy, and finally there was only the big guy left. Momma used that mist step thing to get right above the dragon, and dropped a lightning bolt on it, but it didn't seem to do as much as it should have to it.

       Lith sent a couple bolts of bluish energy at it, as it struck me. Flimflam sent ice breath at it, and Astrid tried something that would drain the water from its body- which it barely seemed to resist. It spewed acid at me and I began stabbing the hell out of it. Momma sent another lightning bolt at it, and it somehow dodged, moving far more nimbly than a creature of its size and undeath should have been able to. Flimflam  grabbed my javelin and tried to use a spell to hurl it, but something in his odd magics prevented that from working.

       As Astrid screamed- literally- at the dragon it spewed more of its acid breath at me. I hate acid. Poor Lith was swimming in acid at this point. I swung in with my sword, and managed to stab it up through the brain, killing it!

       The loot was on a little island, surrounded by more of the stupid acid. Geophry tried to steal Astrid's portable hole, but I saw him and told Momma. Astrid said he could borrow it to get the items, but he had to give it back after- of course the little monster was pissed about that. When he brought back the loot he realized that there were no canopic jars in it, which meant they were stashed elsewhere, and apparently if we didn't destroy those the mummy could come back. Momma thought it was in the giant statue in the room, but when he opened that up all that came out was a swarm of insects- which he hurriedly dispelled.

       There were some stepping stones in the acid pool, and Momma decided that was the only other place they could be. Geophry volunteered, and I put some acid resistant oil on him, then Momma used a spell to make him even more resistant. It took him a minute, but eventually he emerged unscathed from the acid pool, with five jars; Astrid disintegrated them.

       Mezzem started to vanish and called out a final reminder that Not-Kazul was in trouble, though we still didn't care.

Photo owned by Wizards of the Coast, artwork by Jared Blando.

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.