There's More Than One Way to Skin a Monkey
Dramatis Personae:
Kithri "Quickshadow" Tealeaf, the Lightfoot Halfling Werebat Order of the Lycan Blood Hunter and Ruin Raider
Tilea Aervavil'A'Sum, the Wild Elf Circle of the Moon Druid Barbarian
Scritch, Tilea's Squirrel Animal Companion
Sachi Kno, the Vistani Weremonkey Thief
Forgrotken Anvilrocker, the Blugrim Forge Cleric of Moradin
Pineck, Anvil's Horse
Kithri "Quickshadow" Tealeaf, the Lightfoot Halfling Werebat Order of the Lycan Blood Hunter and Ruin Raider
Tilea Aervavil'A'Sum, the Wild Elf Circle of the Moon Druid Barbarian
Scritch, Tilea's Squirrel Animal Companion
Sachi Kno, the Vistani Weremonkey Thief
Forgrotken Anvilrocker, the Blugrim Forge Cleric of Moradin
Pineck, Anvil's Horse
NOTE: Things will be mostly from Kithri's perspective, anything in italics is from a third party view, since the Hunter can't be everywhere at once.
***** Hetedik Honap 1, CY 735, Blood of the Vine Tavern, Village of Barovia
Just as we got the door to the room closed, the sun sank. Sachi had taken another berry from Tilea, so he couldn't shift; I could, and got into my hybrid form. Sachi may not have been able to shift, but he still got the full moon bloodlust, and the door was magically sealed until dawn now, bloody Hells.
Sachi leapt at me and I tangled him in my whip. Of course he got himself untangled quickly, but I just hit him again. The boy lunged at me again, missing, and I whipped him hard enough to knock him out. I used my manacles and rope to hog tie the little shit. An hour later he got out of one of the sets of manacles, but I knocked him back out and redid the bindings. I'm not going to get any bloody sleep tonight. This happened two more hours in a row. On the third time, as I was redoing his bindings again, Belmont strode in and told me he'd deal with Sachi so I could go sleep; I was so bloody grateful- and I'm starting to think this bloke is stalking me.
***** Hetedik Honap 2, Blood of the Vine Tavern, Village of Barovia
I slept in a little, dealing with Sachi was bloody annoying. I'm so used to having control and being 'round those with control that I forget sometimes that not everyone is in the Order. I was very pleasantly surprised when I got up to find Anvil had bought us a feast; everyone was there except for poor Sachi, who'd been put in Tilea's room once the sun rose. Over breakfast, Anvil began asking Belmont about consecration again, and was again told to stop asking because it's allegedly a myth.
After breakfast we decided to go enjoy day two of the Solstice festivities, and today was what they called the Festival of the Blazing Sun. There was a parade of unhappy children who were dressed up as flowers trudging through the muddy streets of Barovia, leading a group of sorry-looking men and women, who carried a wicker ball that was 10 feet in diameter. The burgomaster and his wife, who was holding a pathetic bouquet of wiling flowers, followed this procession on horseback. As Barovians gathered to watch, the ball is hung in the town square from a 15 foot high wooden scaffold; then the townsfolk began splashing it with oil. Before the burgomaster can light the ball, the sky tore open in a sudden downpour. The burgomaster cried out "all will be well" before brandishing his torch, that looked like it was about to go out, and marched to the wicker ball... His torch went out just as he thrust it into the sphere. The crowd erupted in a singular laugh before the burgomaster glared at everyone- if only the fire in his eyes could be used to light the pathetic wicker ball.
Anvil offered to help the burgomaster with the ball, and was instantly told no. The burgomaster spent the next couple of minutes fiddling with a soggy flint, trying to get the damned ball to light. When Anvil couldn't watch anymore, he stepped up to the burgomaster and used a spell that dropped a pillar of radiant light onto the wicker ball... completely incinerating it. Tilea and I watched in horror, knowing we couldn't step in.
The stupid bloke then gathered a bunch of wicker baskets from the townsfolk and demanded rope. He proudly hung the new, misshapen ball, and the burgomaster called for the guards. The poor fucker was arrested promptly, and he did not seem to understand why.
Belmont materialized behind Tilea and I and told us that an army of demons was called upon Anvil's head for repeatedly asking about consecration in public- after he'd been warned about how monumentally stupid that was.
Tilea sent a mouse to follow where the guards were taking Anvil. The mouse got eaten by a cat, but the mouse managed to chew its way out of the cat's stomach, killing it; but before Tilea could get to it, it bled to death from a missing leg.
I went to try to get Sachi up, while Tilea continued to follow Anvil. I woke Sachi up with a huge plate of food and a massive pot of tea to get him up and moving. He wasn't pleased about being woken up, and chugged the entire pot of tea, right out of the pot! He wouldn't even let me put it in a cup for him. Uncivilized little shit. But he learned his lesson about chugging tea straight from the pot- he got the runs and spent the next twenty minutes shitting. I don't know how he does it. At least at the end of it he'd passed the goodberry and could shift again.
Sachi zipped off to find Anvil and I followed in my little bat form. By the time I got there, Sachi was perched on a roof and Anvil was outside. Then a dire wolf appeared under Anvil, which I assumed was Tilea. She turned to run from a figure in black, but the person grabbed onto Tilea. I slashed at the figure, then Sachi jumped on her and began to pick her pockets before he ran away. Anvil attempted to shove her and he was rewarded by the figure hitting both him and Tilea hard, then the woman vanished. I caught up to Tilea quickly and climbed on, hiding myself in Anvil's shadow.
Tilea found a dire wolf den for us to hide in, and she dominated them, becoming the new alpha. Anvil wanted to go back for his stuff, but we had to wait until dark to do so. Thankfully, Belmont had given Sachi a couple potions to keep him sane during the moon, so we didn't have to worry about the monkey losing his shit again.
After about four hours, a shadow passed over our cave. Sachi saw Strahd approaching us, and hurried into the cave to warn us that Strahd was here. We had just a moment to prepare for what would not end well. Twelve wolves appeared at the mouth of the cave, then Strahd stepped up and told us to give him the one who seeks consecration; if we complied, the rest of us would live, if we refused, we would all die.
Anvil admitted it was him, but said he'd given up on it; Strahd said he still had to kill him for asking about it. The vampire asked what Anvil's clan's motive was for looking for the information, and Anvil said they were just trying to recover lost knowledge. Sachi offered to buy Anvil's freedom, but Strahd would only take Sachi's life or servitude as payment, and for some reason the monkey agreed. Tilea suggested Strahd just make Anvil serve him instead, but he wouldn't do it.
Strahd bit Sachi- that's how he would serve him. Tilea lashed out at one of Strahd's wolves and beat its ass, so the other wolves joined Tilea. Strahd advanced on Anvil, and just before he plunged his fangs into the blue idiot's neck, he said he was going to turn all of us. I tried to shift to get away, but I couldn't, so I began to run... And learned Tilea was under Strahd's control. She caught me and sat on me. I wiggled free just as Belmont arrived- I swear this bloke is stalking me.
Tilea grabbed me by the cloak and drug me back into the den. I fought her hard, but it did me no good. Strahd grabbed me and sunk his teeth into me- though I bit back- and felt myself fall unconscious. Belmont revived me quickly, along with the others, and I was relieved to see Tilea was back on our side again. I activated my Blood Rite and stabbed the fucking vampire. Tilea attempted to wrestle Strahd to the ground, but he got up and started backing out of the cave, dragging Tilea with him. When he reached the mouth of the cave, he dropped her, turned into mist, and vanished.
After that ordeal, I didn't think it was a good idea to go back into Barovia to get Anvil's stuff, but they insisted. As we started heading that way, the bloody jail blew up. Sachi insisted we go anyway, so Tilea and I shifted and held onto him. We left Anvil, he's too bloody conspicuous, and we don't have any way to shift him.
Belmont was outside the jail, fighting a group of flaming beasts. Sachi went to break into some noble's house instead of helping Belmont. He broke the window and I used my echolocation, causing a shitload of bats to fly out the window at us. While we waited for them to clear out, we checked on Belmont; there were only two beasts left and he looked fine, so Sachi resumed his breaking and entering. As soon as Sachi climbed into the window, the bloody guards showed up and we had to flee.
We went to a window on the other side of the house, and found two dusk elves in there, who nearly caught Sachi before he turned 'round. He decided the jail was too burned to raid, which it wasn't, and decided to rob some merchants instead. I shifted and told him to go back to the jail, then hopped back on. As we passed, we saw Belmont explaining the beasts to the guards.
The jump that Sachi did to get into the barracks was completely fucking insane; I seriously thought he was going to crash. The room was full of guards who seemed to be hiding. Sachi got us out of the room unseen and locked the door behind us. There was a really pissed zombie in the halls, which Tilea realized was a bloody revenant. Sachi dashed into the nearest room, which was full of elite guards. He told them he'd let the revenant in if they bothered us, so they all backed down. We'd ended up in the room they kept everything they confiscated.
I shifted into my hybrid form to conceal my identity, and found a bag of holding to put stuff in. I wasn't paying attention to other things I grabbed, and I accidentally put a portable hole in the bag. The explosion was massive and I found myself in the ethereal realm with four guards. After about thirty seconds I got out, and was now in the room with the revenant, alone. It hit me hard before I took flight and got the fuck out of there. So much for getting any loot.
We were back in the cave and amidst a rant about the bloody barracks, I said "son of a monkey cunt," which I say often, I just like that specific curse. Tilea decided I was insulting Sachi by saying it, and Sachi instead took offense at Tilea's comment. He attacked her and hit her hard with those creepy ass gloves of his, and looked confused and disturbed after. Tilea's wolves dropped poor Sachi, but I revived him. He said it wasn't him, it was the gloves.
Tilea tried to force Sachi to eat a berry, and he refused, attempting to flee her. She shot him with the berry instead, turning him human. She had Anvil hold Sachi against the tree she'd grown into the cave earlier, then directed the bark to bind Sachi in place. She was going to peel the gloves off him, one way or another. I left... I couldn't watch this. Tilea was terrifying, and she had the blue dolt on her side, so I knew I couldn't take them and save the monkey. Apparently she gave up pretty quickly; I guess monkey skinning isn't something they cover in druid school.
***** Hetedik Honap 3, Wolf den in Svalich Woods
A couple hours after Tilea had given up on skinning the monkey, a group of werewolves came to the entrance to the cave, which was mostly blocked off by tree roots. They broke through the tree with ease- it was the full moon, after all. Tilea blasted them with moon water, pushing most of them back. I got in the air and began whipping one of them. Tilea passed the chalice to Anvil and began trying to shoot them with moonberries. Anvil then beat on the one I'd been hitting and set him on fire, I don't know how he set someone who was drenched on fire, but what the fuck ever. It killed the bloke. We made quick work of the lot, being forced back into human form significantly weakened them.
In the morning, Anvil was still exhausted, so Tilea and I went back to town alone; no one had seen our faces in this mess. There was significant damage to the village from the damned fire. While there, we learned that those who wish to leave Barovia have to seek an audience with Strahd, so Tilea sent her raven to him. When we left town a few hours later, the raven appeared at our feet, dead. I guess Strahd doesn't want to just let us leave.
When we got back to the cave, something felt off about it. Tilea decided to stay outside the cave, and I shifted to go get Sachi and Anvil. After just a few moments, I realized something was very wrong, I wasn't making any progress into the cave; it was an endless tunnel.
Inside the cave, all of the wolves stood and began snarling at Sachi and Anvil.
Outside the cave, a voice whispered to Tilea: "I expected you both to go in."
All maps from the "Curse of Strahd" Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast
Just as we got the door to the room closed, the sun sank. Sachi had taken another berry from Tilea, so he couldn't shift; I could, and got into my hybrid form. Sachi may not have been able to shift, but he still got the full moon bloodlust, and the door was magically sealed until dawn now, bloody Hells.
Sachi leapt at me and I tangled him in my whip. Of course he got himself untangled quickly, but I just hit him again. The boy lunged at me again, missing, and I whipped him hard enough to knock him out. I used my manacles and rope to hog tie the little shit. An hour later he got out of one of the sets of manacles, but I knocked him back out and redid the bindings. I'm not going to get any bloody sleep tonight. This happened two more hours in a row. On the third time, as I was redoing his bindings again, Belmont strode in and told me he'd deal with Sachi so I could go sleep; I was so bloody grateful- and I'm starting to think this bloke is stalking me.
***** Hetedik Honap 2, Blood of the Vine Tavern, Village of Barovia
I slept in a little, dealing with Sachi was bloody annoying. I'm so used to having control and being 'round those with control that I forget sometimes that not everyone is in the Order. I was very pleasantly surprised when I got up to find Anvil had bought us a feast; everyone was there except for poor Sachi, who'd been put in Tilea's room once the sun rose. Over breakfast, Anvil began asking Belmont about consecration again, and was again told to stop asking because it's allegedly a myth.
After breakfast we decided to go enjoy day two of the Solstice festivities, and today was what they called the Festival of the Blazing Sun. There was a parade of unhappy children who were dressed up as flowers trudging through the muddy streets of Barovia, leading a group of sorry-looking men and women, who carried a wicker ball that was 10 feet in diameter. The burgomaster and his wife, who was holding a pathetic bouquet of wiling flowers, followed this procession on horseback. As Barovians gathered to watch, the ball is hung in the town square from a 15 foot high wooden scaffold; then the townsfolk began splashing it with oil. Before the burgomaster can light the ball, the sky tore open in a sudden downpour. The burgomaster cried out "all will be well" before brandishing his torch, that looked like it was about to go out, and marched to the wicker ball... His torch went out just as he thrust it into the sphere. The crowd erupted in a singular laugh before the burgomaster glared at everyone- if only the fire in his eyes could be used to light the pathetic wicker ball.
Anvil offered to help the burgomaster with the ball, and was instantly told no. The burgomaster spent the next couple of minutes fiddling with a soggy flint, trying to get the damned ball to light. When Anvil couldn't watch anymore, he stepped up to the burgomaster and used a spell that dropped a pillar of radiant light onto the wicker ball... completely incinerating it. Tilea and I watched in horror, knowing we couldn't step in.
The stupid bloke then gathered a bunch of wicker baskets from the townsfolk and demanded rope. He proudly hung the new, misshapen ball, and the burgomaster called for the guards. The poor fucker was arrested promptly, and he did not seem to understand why.
Belmont materialized behind Tilea and I and told us that an army of demons was called upon Anvil's head for repeatedly asking about consecration in public- after he'd been warned about how monumentally stupid that was.
Tilea sent a mouse to follow where the guards were taking Anvil. The mouse got eaten by a cat, but the mouse managed to chew its way out of the cat's stomach, killing it; but before Tilea could get to it, it bled to death from a missing leg.
I went to try to get Sachi up, while Tilea continued to follow Anvil. I woke Sachi up with a huge plate of food and a massive pot of tea to get him up and moving. He wasn't pleased about being woken up, and chugged the entire pot of tea, right out of the pot! He wouldn't even let me put it in a cup for him. Uncivilized little shit. But he learned his lesson about chugging tea straight from the pot- he got the runs and spent the next twenty minutes shitting. I don't know how he does it. At least at the end of it he'd passed the goodberry and could shift again.
Sachi zipped off to find Anvil and I followed in my little bat form. By the time I got there, Sachi was perched on a roof and Anvil was outside. Then a dire wolf appeared under Anvil, which I assumed was Tilea. She turned to run from a figure in black, but the person grabbed onto Tilea. I slashed at the figure, then Sachi jumped on her and began to pick her pockets before he ran away. Anvil attempted to shove her and he was rewarded by the figure hitting both him and Tilea hard, then the woman vanished. I caught up to Tilea quickly and climbed on, hiding myself in Anvil's shadow.
Tilea found a dire wolf den for us to hide in, and she dominated them, becoming the new alpha. Anvil wanted to go back for his stuff, but we had to wait until dark to do so. Thankfully, Belmont had given Sachi a couple potions to keep him sane during the moon, so we didn't have to worry about the monkey losing his shit again.
After about four hours, a shadow passed over our cave. Sachi saw Strahd approaching us, and hurried into the cave to warn us that Strahd was here. We had just a moment to prepare for what would not end well. Twelve wolves appeared at the mouth of the cave, then Strahd stepped up and told us to give him the one who seeks consecration; if we complied, the rest of us would live, if we refused, we would all die.
Anvil admitted it was him, but said he'd given up on it; Strahd said he still had to kill him for asking about it. The vampire asked what Anvil's clan's motive was for looking for the information, and Anvil said they were just trying to recover lost knowledge. Sachi offered to buy Anvil's freedom, but Strahd would only take Sachi's life or servitude as payment, and for some reason the monkey agreed. Tilea suggested Strahd just make Anvil serve him instead, but he wouldn't do it.
Strahd bit Sachi- that's how he would serve him. Tilea lashed out at one of Strahd's wolves and beat its ass, so the other wolves joined Tilea. Strahd advanced on Anvil, and just before he plunged his fangs into the blue idiot's neck, he said he was going to turn all of us. I tried to shift to get away, but I couldn't, so I began to run... And learned Tilea was under Strahd's control. She caught me and sat on me. I wiggled free just as Belmont arrived- I swear this bloke is stalking me.
Tilea grabbed me by the cloak and drug me back into the den. I fought her hard, but it did me no good. Strahd grabbed me and sunk his teeth into me- though I bit back- and felt myself fall unconscious. Belmont revived me quickly, along with the others, and I was relieved to see Tilea was back on our side again. I activated my Blood Rite and stabbed the fucking vampire. Tilea attempted to wrestle Strahd to the ground, but he got up and started backing out of the cave, dragging Tilea with him. When he reached the mouth of the cave, he dropped her, turned into mist, and vanished.
After that ordeal, I didn't think it was a good idea to go back into Barovia to get Anvil's stuff, but they insisted. As we started heading that way, the bloody jail blew up. Sachi insisted we go anyway, so Tilea and I shifted and held onto him. We left Anvil, he's too bloody conspicuous, and we don't have any way to shift him.
Belmont was outside the jail, fighting a group of flaming beasts. Sachi went to break into some noble's house instead of helping Belmont. He broke the window and I used my echolocation, causing a shitload of bats to fly out the window at us. While we waited for them to clear out, we checked on Belmont; there were only two beasts left and he looked fine, so Sachi resumed his breaking and entering. As soon as Sachi climbed into the window, the bloody guards showed up and we had to flee.
We went to a window on the other side of the house, and found two dusk elves in there, who nearly caught Sachi before he turned 'round. He decided the jail was too burned to raid, which it wasn't, and decided to rob some merchants instead. I shifted and told him to go back to the jail, then hopped back on. As we passed, we saw Belmont explaining the beasts to the guards.
The jump that Sachi did to get into the barracks was completely fucking insane; I seriously thought he was going to crash. The room was full of guards who seemed to be hiding. Sachi got us out of the room unseen and locked the door behind us. There was a really pissed zombie in the halls, which Tilea realized was a bloody revenant. Sachi dashed into the nearest room, which was full of elite guards. He told them he'd let the revenant in if they bothered us, so they all backed down. We'd ended up in the room they kept everything they confiscated.
I shifted into my hybrid form to conceal my identity, and found a bag of holding to put stuff in. I wasn't paying attention to other things I grabbed, and I accidentally put a portable hole in the bag. The explosion was massive and I found myself in the ethereal realm with four guards. After about thirty seconds I got out, and was now in the room with the revenant, alone. It hit me hard before I took flight and got the fuck out of there. So much for getting any loot.
We were back in the cave and amidst a rant about the bloody barracks, I said "son of a monkey cunt," which I say often, I just like that specific curse. Tilea decided I was insulting Sachi by saying it, and Sachi instead took offense at Tilea's comment. He attacked her and hit her hard with those creepy ass gloves of his, and looked confused and disturbed after. Tilea's wolves dropped poor Sachi, but I revived him. He said it wasn't him, it was the gloves.
Tilea tried to force Sachi to eat a berry, and he refused, attempting to flee her. She shot him with the berry instead, turning him human. She had Anvil hold Sachi against the tree she'd grown into the cave earlier, then directed the bark to bind Sachi in place. She was going to peel the gloves off him, one way or another. I left... I couldn't watch this. Tilea was terrifying, and she had the blue dolt on her side, so I knew I couldn't take them and save the monkey. Apparently she gave up pretty quickly; I guess monkey skinning isn't something they cover in druid school.
***** Hetedik Honap 3, Wolf den in Svalich Woods
A couple hours after Tilea had given up on skinning the monkey, a group of werewolves came to the entrance to the cave, which was mostly blocked off by tree roots. They broke through the tree with ease- it was the full moon, after all. Tilea blasted them with moon water, pushing most of them back. I got in the air and began whipping one of them. Tilea passed the chalice to Anvil and began trying to shoot them with moonberries. Anvil then beat on the one I'd been hitting and set him on fire, I don't know how he set someone who was drenched on fire, but what the fuck ever. It killed the bloke. We made quick work of the lot, being forced back into human form significantly weakened them.
In the morning, Anvil was still exhausted, so Tilea and I went back to town alone; no one had seen our faces in this mess. There was significant damage to the village from the damned fire. While there, we learned that those who wish to leave Barovia have to seek an audience with Strahd, so Tilea sent her raven to him. When we left town a few hours later, the raven appeared at our feet, dead. I guess Strahd doesn't want to just let us leave.
When we got back to the cave, something felt off about it. Tilea decided to stay outside the cave, and I shifted to go get Sachi and Anvil. After just a few moments, I realized something was very wrong, I wasn't making any progress into the cave; it was an endless tunnel.
Inside the cave, all of the wolves stood and began snarling at Sachi and Anvil.
Outside the cave, a voice whispered to Tilea: "I expected you both to go in."
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| Blood of the Vine Tavern |
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