Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-Eight

The Great Forge

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword-Petunia, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights

Riddle, Claire's baby basilisk

Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine

Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine

Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halftaur Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there

Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and mother of the Petunia clan; champion of the Living Dungeon

Astrid Rockham, the Longstrider Shifter Evocation Wizard

Calipso, Astrid's Lizard Familiar

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne

Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer

Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy

Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist

Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar

Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar

Flimflam Pebblehead-Petunia, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds

Arwenel, the Elf Scholar

Alfalfa Cover Petunia, the Centling Fighter, Rosebud's other half

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade

Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food

Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla attacked the party at a gateway they found

Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville attacked the party at a gateway they found

Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon

Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow

Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight

Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu

Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)

Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom

Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds

Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him

Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa

Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies

Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home

Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver- grick kibble

Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her- stayed in Blingdenstone

Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil- dust in the wind

Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone

Stool, the Myconid Child- stayed in Blingdenstone

Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist- MIA after the Battle of Blingdenstone

Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone

Kazul, the Copper  Platinum Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget was restored to life by her god- MIA after Astrid's wish

Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout- MIA after Astrid's wish

Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later- MIA after Astrid's wish, believed to be trapped in the Abyss

Friendly Fire: 232

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Nightal 4, Gauntlgrym

       We were woken up this morning to a knock at our door- again. Apparently that's the morning wake up call in this damn city. There was a svirfneblin dressed as a smith at the door, who told us he was instructed to bring us to the Great Forge by Dwarvenforge.

       As we were leaving, Alfie walked past Geophry, who tripped him and began giggling. The chair didn't want any competition as Rosebud's brother, so he despised the centling for being a potential threat to Rosebud's attention. 

       The Great Forge was just that- great. It was enormous, and fascinating to look at; I've never seen such an impressive forge before, and I've been to many blacksmiths in Cormyr. Dwarvenforge told me that his kin in Blingdenstone had told him to finish my shield- apparently he wasn't quite done with it when we left the city. He said that since he was already getting my shield done that he'd be willing to throw in some of the other's items, since he'd heard we were going to the Abyss- for a price.

       Momma produced his Defender sword, Lith put in her whip, Rosebud put in the maul we'd gotten from the Dao, Geophry put in his Wings of Flying, Astrid added a ring, and Flimflam put in both his wand and his Pearl of Power- then asked Dwarvenforge if he could attach the two. Dwarvenforge produced from what appeared to be the box I had delivered, a phoenix feather for Chairy's wings. Those should be interesting when they're done. The spirit of Fidget, which was trapped in a piece in Claire's crossbow, briefly took Claire over, and a part was snuck into the pile. 

       Dwarvenforge told us that the forging would only take a few seconds, and we needed to be ready to fight anything. Astrid's ring was the first thing to come out, and as Dwarvenforge hit it, flames shot out and two fire snakes appeared- he asked us to deal with those. Unfortunately most of our weapons were in the forge- all Rosebud had was a gun, so I tossed him one of my spare blades. Alfie charged one of them and killed it instantly, and I dropped the other one with my stupid Defender sword.

       Momma summoned an ice elemental in case anymore fire things popped out of the forge at us. Next up was my shield, and this time four fire snakes appeared. The elemental hit one with ice, and Flimflam followed up with an ice spell of his own, killing it. Momma, Rosebud, and I each dropped one on our own. About thirty seconds later four more fire snakes emerged. One of them began beating on Alfie pretty bad, and Rosebud killed it. I killed two more of them, and our ice elemental grabbed the final one and jumped into the water that Dwarvenforge was using to cool our items- flash freezing the tub and killing the final snake. Flimflam hurried to unfreeze it so the temperature wouldn't destroy Astrid's ring.

       After that Dwarvenforge said he needed to take a quit break to let his anvil recover. Geophry started getting pissy and impatient during the wait, so Flimflam decided to give him alcohol... which Chairy them proceeded to puke up all over Lily. This family hurts my head sometimes.

       The next item to come out of the Forge was Lith's whip, and six fire snakes came from it. Alfie actually hit one, I was quite proud of him in that moment- he so seldom hits anything. That pride was short-lived as I got surrounded by three of them. Rosebud charged up to the snakes around me and killed two of them; I killed the last one and moved to help the others with the remaining three. Turns out I didn't need to do that, as I got near Flimflam unleashed an ice spell that killed all three of them.

       Geophry's wings were next, and when Dwarvenforge grabbed them a large burst of flame came out, throwing him back; a phoenix rose from the anvil. Flimflam instantly released that ice spell again, but it wasn't nearly as effective on that as it had been on the snakes. The bird took a swipe at me and grabbed me in its talons... shit. As Rosebud swung at it I wriggled free from its grasp. Alfie charged at the bird, while Momma sent several magic darts of force at it, when suddenly Lith turned into some sort of fire fey, grabbed her whip from the water, and hit the phoenix.

       Her whip looked like one of the fire snakes, but it was blue and radiating cold- the bird screeched in pain from her attack. Geophry used a spell that made it look like there were four of him, and Flimflam since he was sitting on him, and Flimflam tossed an ice spell at the bird. As a product of Flimflam's wild magic, Alfie was suddenly convinced that Flimflam's magic was out to get him. Alfie randomly charged Flimflam,and missed hitting him by a long shot. I wonder what the Hells is wrong with that child; aside from the obvious.

       Momma unleashed more of his magic force darts at the thing as it lunged for me, and completely biffed it. At that Dwarvenforge grabbed the bird and began smithing it into the wings. Rosebud hurried to help hold it down for him. When he struck it, there was a flash of flaming energy, and he declared the wings done; putting them in the water with our other items.

       Alfie was still going after Flimflam though, but this time he hit Geophry, who started yelling at him in his high-pitched shrill little voice. Geophry started going after Alfie, and declared he was going to eat him... What? How could he possibly eat him? Momma threw out a spell that made them calm the fuck down.

       The next item was Flimflam's wand, and twelve of the snakes appeared for that one. Of course Flimflam went straight for his ice spell, but Momma seemed to be rather done with these things. He summoned a fire elemental and told it to deal with them, so it began to scoop the snakes up and swallow them whole. I managed to kill one of the two it didn't eat, and Rosebud grabbed the final one and held it over the wand so Dwarvenforge could add it to the wand.

       Next up was Momma's sword, and only six snakes emerged from it to start. Rosebud scooped one up and whipped it back over to the sword- then pointed out to me after I killed one to stop that so we could add them to our items. I grabbed one of the snakes and brought it to the anvil. Flimflam summoned two Hands to help hold them on the sword, and somehow cast a lightning bolt in the process, which barely grazed my arm.

       Salamanders appeared as we finished dealing with the snakes, and one instantly grabbed Alfie, burning him so badly that he went down. One began beating on Rosebud, but seemed to barely do anything to him. Geophry exclaimed that we had to put Alfie down because he couldn't walk- the kid seems to have a fixation with the idea of putting one of us down because they can't walk. That chair is so fucking weird.

       Rosebud charged at the salamander that had dropped Alfie, completely ignoring the blows he received from the salamander he was walking away from. I grabbed the other salamander and drug it to the anvil, pinning the damned thing for Dwarvenforge. Flimflam unleashed a wide beam of multicolored rays, some of which hit Alfie, and he melted into a puddle, and then froze; Geophry thanked Flimflam for killing him. As I held the last salamander down, Rosebud turned his enraged eyes at Flimflam.

       The halftaur punched Flimflam and demanded he pay for a priest to resurrect him. Flimflam placed a delayed blast fireball on Rosebud, and the only witness was Geophry. Geophry told Flimflam that Lily was going to be pissed and called him over to them so the fireball wouldn't strike him. Flimflam was acting guilty about something, and Momma instantly began questioning him. He admitted to hiding a delayed blast fireball on Rosebud, and once Rosebud found it, he drug Flimflam to him and held the fireball right between them. Momma dropped one of the Hut shields on us to protect the rest of us from the blast. At the last second, Flimflam tried to use his mist spell to get into the Hut, but failed miserably, and was hit with the full blast of the fireball.

       Throughout all of this Dwarvenforge was working diligently on Rosebud's maul. Geophry was muttering about putting me down next, and I heard the little shit. When I called him out on it he started to argue with me, but our argument was delayed by a bright flash of energy; we were now on the Elemental Plane of Fire.

       I felt a burning touch, and suddenly I could only see through a hazy smoke- I had been turned into a gaseous form... shit. Turns out that behind me was an invisible and huge fire efreeti that only Momma could currently see. He told Rosebud where to strike, and he definitely hit something. I flew over to Momma in hopes of interacting with him, but Geophry thought smoke was trying to attack Momma, so he started inhaling me. Momma told him it was me he was inhaling, and he spazzed out, completely disgusted about having inhaled me.

       Momma dispelled its invisibility, and Rosebud was able to start attacking it. The efreeti was after his hammer for some reason. I was trying frantically to will myself back into my physical form, so I missed the bulk of the fight. But of course the boys beat the efreeti, and I became myself again right before we popped back into Gauntlgrym's Forge.

       We went back to the villa and asked Seluna to reincarnate Alfie, and she said it was best done under the moonlight. We spent the rest of the afternoon recovering from the Forge and waiting for our gear. When it finally arrived we used a teleport type spell to get to the hill that overlooks Neverwinter. Since Momma didn't have much of Alfie to use for the reincarnation, Seluna had to use some of Rosebud's blood.

       I honestly didn't pay much attention to the ritual, I was too busy rolling in the grass and staring at the moon. I had often thought I wouldn't see this again, and finally being here felt like a triumph to me, even though I had lost my love during this journey.

       When Seluna finished reincarnating Alfie, our little brother had halfling legs still, but his torso and head was now that of a crocodile; and thanks to Rosebud's blood donation, he was now a wererat too. We dubbed him a Crocling, and Seluna used a spell that made him somewhat intelligent. Awakening Alfie cracked his mind a little, and he now believes he's the best at everything, and cannot take anything seriously. 

       Momma decided we would spend the night here, in our Tower. I was so excited to show Riddle the surface! I spent the night in the grass, under the stars. It was magical, and the fresh air was nearly intoxicating.

       Lith suggested that we dress Alfie up as a kobold, because he could kind of pass for one now. He did, but he's definitely the ugliest kobold in existence.

***** Nightal 5, Neverwinter

       We decided to go shopping in Neverwinter today, we figured we'd have better luck finding things there than in Gauntlgrym. Momma decided we were going to sell some of the random stuff we've picked up through our travels, but first we had to have a family meeting. He pulled out two rings that might have the ability to control elementals, and told Flimflam that he needed to attune to the rings and test them out. It turns out they were both control elementals rings, and now Flimflam was one shy of being able to control all elementals.

       The boys decided that Flimflam needed the ring that controls air elementals so that he could have all of them. Flimflam and Geophry flew into town on their own, with Rosebud chasing them by foot. The chair found a really shady back alley shop where literally everything cost $500,000 gold. He wouldn't tell us what any of the items were, and wouldn't let us identify them ourselves. Geophry produced his Deck of Many Things and offered him a draw from it- the shop keep vanished. Shadows began closing in around us, and only Alfie and Astrid had the time to grab anything before the shadows took everything away, leaving us in a barren room with a slumped over skeleton sitting where the shop keep had been. Alfie had grabbed a harp, but Astrid had gotten a Ring of Feather Fall, which may be the air elemental control ring that Flimflam wanted.

       Flimflam demanded that Astrid hand the ring over to him, but refused to make it a trade, so she told him to piss off. Geophry said if she didn't give him the ring he'd do something bad, something he really didn't want to do. While they bickered Momma decided to plant a magic bean, and a hole opened up in the ground. Before jumping in the hole, Geophry told Flimflam his life depended on getting one of those rings.

       We found ourselves in a 10 x 10 room that didn't have any visible doors. Flimflam started looking around and found a plaque that he thought might be a button, which he proceeded to press. There was a flash, and we found ourselves in a slightly larger room made from sandstone. Flimflam took off down the nearest tunnel; this place was nothing but a labyrinth of tunnels. Momma cast his lore spell, but he only got directions that circled back to where he cast the spell. At that, Lily realized it was an endless maze, and suddenly found himself in the room above. 

       Momma vanished, leaving me alone with the boys in this annoying maze. Flimflam was next to realize that it was an endless maze, and he vanished too. Lily gave Astrid a vial of his blood to use to pull him back with a spell, and went back into the maze for his lost children. 

       Geophry randomly announced "what Momma knows, I know," and vanished. I tried it and nothing happened. Geophry saw an opportunity to begin trying to convince Flimflam to kill Astrid and take the ring; but he didn't take the bait, which was good since Lith was also there and watching this discussion transpire. 

       I began a kind of chant of my own, "think like Momma, think like Momma," and it worked! I was suddenly back in that cramped room.

       Alfie and Rosebud were the only ones left in the maze, and Alfie tried to think so hard that he literally hurt himself. Rosebud spent a couple of minutes trying to think like Momma before he figured it out. Alfie realized it a few minutes after that- but not before nearly killing himself from thinking too hard. By this point, Lily had been wandering the maze, unable to find his kids for several minutes. He sent Astrid a message asking if everyone was there, then thought himself back to the group. 

       As soon as Momma appeared in the room Geophry started trying to blame everything on Astrid. Flimflam tried to storm off, but in such an enclosed space, the effect was pretty much lost. He found another panel and tossed a dart at the button- nothing seemed to happen.

       Geophry began pestering Momma to plant another bean, a request that both Flimflam and Rosebud vegan to echo. Astrid and I thought it was a horrible idea, but Lily is nothing if not indulgent to his children, and he gave in. He held up a bag and told us that most of the contents were pebbles, but one was an actual bean. We were all to take one and plant them at the same time.

       They were all fucking beans.

Photo from the "Gauntlgrym" novel by R.A. Salvatore

Photo owned by Wizards of the Coast, artwork by Jared Blando.

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-Seven

Drowning in Paperwork

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword-Petunia, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Riddle, Claire's baby basilisk
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud, Geophry, Flimflam, and Claire's "Momma;" champion of the Living Dungeon
Astrid Rockham, the Longstrider Shifter Evocation Wizard
Calipso, Astrid's Lizard Familiar

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy
Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist
Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar
Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar
Flimflam Pebblehead-Petunia, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds and thinks everyone should be gluttonous
Arwenel, the Elf Scholar
Falkryn Stonekey, the Shield Dwarf Ruin Raider
Schnella Stonesneak, the Deep Gnome Delver

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla attacked the party at a gateway they found
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville attacked the party at a gateway they found
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver- grick kibble
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her- stayed in Blingdenstone
Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil- dust in the wind
Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone
Stool, the Myconid Child- stayed in Blingdenstone
Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist- MIA after the Battle of Blingdenstone
Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone
Kazul, the Copper  Platinum Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget was restored to life by her god- MIA after Astrid's wish
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout- MIA after Astrid's wish
Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later- MIA after Astrid's wish, believed to be trapped in the Abyss

Friendly Fire: 225
Party members killed: 24
Overall party members lost: 39

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** The Feast of the Moon Holiday, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Gauntlgrym

       When everything was properly oriented again, we were standing in front of some massive gates that seemed to make up the face of a dwarf. There was some movement on the battlements above us, but it was hard to make much out. On the ground next to us were two human corpses, that appeared to have been flogged to death. Astrid said they were Fred and George, her friends from her ship, and the only ones still alive when she had escaped. Momma gathered samples from each of the so we could resurrect them later.

       Flimflam, Schnella, Falkryn, Geophry, and Lith were still unconscious from the drow poison, but what mattered was they were here.

       We realized that Twyla, Mithrilye, and Not-Kazul weren't with us, something had prevented Astrid's wish from bringing them with us. While I didn't really care what happened to Not-Kazul, I was worried about Twyla and Mithrilye.

       Rosebud yelled at the gates and banged on them with his hammer. Someone responded, asking what we were doing there, people were supposed to be going to the upper bastion. Since we hadn't gone through any of the checkpoints that would have led us to the upper bastion, we didn't know. Before they could let us through the gates, two enormous snails landed next to us.

       Frantically Rosebud slapped Schnella and Falkryn awake, while Astrid attempt to wake up Lith- but she wouldn't rise. I slapped Flimflam and the jackass wouldn't budge- of course when we need him he's napping. I hate drow poison. One of the snails lashed out tentacles at me, as if they were flails; the other did the same to Falkryn. Momma threw up a wall of fire between the snail and Flimflam, Geophry, and I, to buy me time to wake their asses up.

       Rosebud pounded on the snail that was on him and Falkryn- but he also hit Falkryn once too. Astrid tried again to rouse Lith, and I tried on both Flimflam and Geophry to no avail. Momma even threw an insult at Geophry, and he still didn't wake. The snail that was behind the fire wall moved through it as if it wasn't even there, and began flailing at me, Flimflam, and Geophry- and those hits actually woke up Geophry! Flimflam ended up with a concussion and a broken leg from the beating. 

       Falkryn tossed her grapple at the snail on her and began to climb it- it lashed out and hit her pretty hard, she started swinging, but held tight to the rope; then she lashed at it with a silver chain. Schnella joined the assault on that snail and seemed to hurt it pretty badly, it flailed at them in response, then withdrew into its shell to hide. Rosebud began beating on the shell in rage- I think he was trying to crack it open.

       From behind me, a beam of crackling blue energy came at the snail on me, but the magic seemed to vanish right in front of it. Shit. I stabbed it with my javelin, and the lightning was reflected back at me- that thing fucking hurts. I used the battleaxe function on my Rod to hack into the beast. Momma slashed his palm to use blood magic again, I heard him mutter something about waking up the others. The snail's flail slammed into Lith hard, and I heard a sickening crunch that signified it had broken something- probably a rib given the spot it hit her. Geophry began zapping Flimflam, trying hard to wake him up, but still the insane svirfneblin refused to rise.

       Falkryn swung into the shell of the other one, and was probably going to finish it off. I managed to score one hit on mine through its shell, and Rosebud joined me in beating on it. Some glowing darts came flying from behind me again- likely from Astrid- and instead of going into the shell they exploded all around her. Momma attempted his blood magic again, and it again seemed to fail. The snail poked its head out and spat a rope of goo, then it swung to the gate; Rosebud and I each got a hit in before it got away.

       Geophry seemed determined to wake up Flimflam, as he shoved a potion down Flimflam's throat and then slammed his head against the ground- and he still didn't rise. Rosebud took a shot at the snail, then I used my new crossbow... and it fucking jammed. Momma sprayed his blood all over our sleeping friends to set off whatever spell it was he was using to awaken everyone; the spell worked, and he collapsed. Geophry was instantly at Momma's side, pouring a potion down his throat. The one on the wall seemed dead, so we all moved to the one hiding in its shell on the ground. Then Seluna got up and asked why we were beating up dead snails.

       Several dwarves emerged from the gates to confirm that the snails were dead, and asked why we didn't come in through a safer route. Momma explained to them that we had been wished here, and didn't know about the dangers lurking outside these gates. They permitted us entrance and brought us to a waiting area; a couple of minutes later we were brought food and ale.

       Geophry was being bratty at me, and Momma reminded him that he had adopted me too, so Chairy pulled my hair. Little brothers are the worst sometimes. Then Geophry dared me to kick him, but I wouldn't rise to his bait- so Rosebud kicked him, and his foot got stuck to Chairy somehow.

       While we waited Momma instructed Geophry to pretend he was just a chair in front of others, for his own safety. Eventually a dwarf in full plate armor came in, introducing himself as Gurnin Bloodshield, and said he was here to take our statement. Momma rambled out the story, in much less eloquence than normal, and Gurnin told us he believed us, even though a lot of our story sounded insane. Which honestly, if I hadn't lived it I'd probably think much of it was insane too. After that some of their priests came in to heal Momma, since he'd taken heavy damage trying to wake everyone up during the snail fight. Gods, even saying "snail fight" sounds insane; in Cormyr they're a delicacy, and here I am slaughtering enormous ones.

       We were taken to accommodations by way of a mine cart, I was a little surprised they had one Rosebud could fit in, and on the way we were given a tour of the city- it was breathtaking. The work the ancient dwarves must have put into creating something like this was incredible; I thought Cormyrean cities were amazing, but this was like nothing I'd even seen before. When we finally arrived at our rooms they were fantastic; apparently they have rooms set up for surfacer's comforts.

       Momma and Astrid went to nap, they were completely exhausted; Rosebud and Geophry decided they wanted to go shopping, and I went with them so they'd have some supervision. The jackasses took off before I could follow them, and by the time I caught up, Rosebud had purchased several magical items and was in the process of buying out a food stall. He got directions for where to find the best ale, and the shitheads took off before I could follow them.

       Since I had no hope of catching up with my brothers, I went to the smith's guild to get directions to the Forge, so I could deliver the box to Dwarvenforge's kin. I got horribly lost and ended up in a mine. Instead of getting myself even more lost, I decided to help the miners in exchange for them helping me get back when they were done. For the first couple of hours I kept up with them pretty well, but by the end of the last hour I could barely lift my pickaxe. They gave me endless shit about it on the way back to my rooms.

       When I got back the room was completely packed with food and booze- Rosebud had been very busy. I was so exhausted that I headed straight for bed without having anything. As I passed Momma on the way he cast a spell on me that made me slightly less miserable, but I was still barely able to stay awake long enough to get out of my armor.

***** Nightal 1, Gauntlgrym

       The next morning a dwarf in robes came by to take our statement for King Bruenor, and Momma was much more awake today, so he gave them a much better report of what had happened. We were told the King would want to see us soon. They also inquired about the alcohol in our room, and Rosebud told them where he got it from; turns out it was a group of thieves who he had purchased it from, and the information he provided could lead to an arrest.

       We also requested an area to put up the Tower, and there was a lot of red tape we had to get through before they'd allow us something like that. Before the dwarf left, I told them I needed to deliver something to Dwarvenforge, and he said he'd pass along the message.

       After he left Momma told us he had a nightmare that Mithrilye was in the Abyss being tortured. We needed to go after her as soon as possible.

       Later that day Rosebud was given a badge for helping them apprehend the criminals, which he could take to the quartermaster for a reward.

***** Nightal 2, Gauntlgrym

       The next morning we were woken up to a deep gnome knocking at our door, it was Dwarvenforge's kin. I gave him the box I'd been carrying around for so long, and we placed some orders for gear from him.

       We needed to get some better magic items if we were to go into the Abyss, so Astrid went to inquire about those. It turns out we have to fill out forms to purchase those types of things, and those forms were available at the quartermaster's place.

       The badge Rosebud had gave him some credits and permission to buy items, but the rest of us still had to fill out the forms. I had to fill out a lengthy lineage tree, while the others had to fill out lengthy background reports. We were told they'd have our answers in the morning.

       That night we all went to the tavern to blow off some steam- well, everyone except Seluna and Niles, who had barely left the kitchen since we'd arrived. When we got back to the rooms we found that they weren't completely packed with food anymore. Seluna and Niles had hidden the food to keep Flimflam from constantly eating it, which was pretty much all he'd done since it had been delivered. 

***** Nightal 3. Gauntlgrym

       The next morning Lily rose very early and slipped out of their rooms to get to the quartermaster the moment he opened the doors. When the quartermaster finally opened, he told Lily that Astrid had been denied, handing him a very thick folder explaining why; it all boiled down to her life of crime and piracy. 

       Claire had been denied as well, because the Ruin card she'd drawn had made her family declare her dead. The Thunderswords had told the quartermaster that she was most certainly dead, and if someone was there claiming to be her, it was an impostor, not the real Claire.

       The quartermaster told Lily that they wouldn't be taking legal action against Claire or Astrid, but they would be keeping an eye on the two of them. 

       Lily, Flimflam, and Rosebud were the only ones who had been approved to purchase magic items. 

       Lily returned to the room and woke up everyone except Claire and Astrid to discuss what he had learned about them. Once he had talked to the others he decided to wake them up in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible. 

       I woke to Momma's voice booming that it was time to get up. He told us that Astrid and I had been denied permission to purchase magic items, and handed Astrid a massive folder. Momma said she had best behave herself while we're in this city.

       Then he handed me a much smaller folder, and told me that according to my family I was dead. He put up the truth telling spell and had me tell him everything of my journey again; once I'd finished that he explained that the Ruin card I'd drawn from the Deck of Many Things must have been the culprit. I had to find a Fates card to undo the Ruin card in order to go home. Then Momma said that perhaps the Fates are trying to take me out, considering I drew the card that made the angel of death appear.

       My entire world had just crashed around my ears. My life was over. I was no longer Lady Claire Thundersword, but merely Claire. I wanted to just crawl under a rock and die. Instead I grabbed a large bottle of liquor and began drinking. Eventually Astrid began reading her file to me, telling me stories from her criminal past; they were amusing, but didn't do anything to pull me out of the pit of despair I now found myself in.

       Lily, Rosebud, and Flimflam decided to go out shopping while I drank my sorrow, I didn't care if they found me anything useful. I just wanted to cry and drink.

       Lily searched for and found the black market, attempting to entice them into stealing a Deck of Many Things he'd found in the most upscale part of the markets. Shortly after he came back, there was a commotion in that area, and Lily was sure it was one of them stealing the Deck. It took them several hours to finally get out of the area, but they had made some good purchases. 

       After Momma got back from shopping, a messenger showed up and told us we needed to fill out a bunch of forms in order to erect the Tower. Momma tried to find some way around that, but the dwarf insisted there wasn't one. This place sucks. Its bureaucracy is worse than Cormyr's.

       Momma also had a plan to steal a Deck of Many Things from some thief in the city. Of course I was in, since only a Fates card would allow me to come home. Rosebud was much father ahead of a us, and we caught up with him in the red lantern district, having far too much fun in a brothel. Momma paid them to keep him, Geophry, and Flimflam busy for a while, and suggested Astrid and I also enjoy ourselves. Since stealth isn't really my thing anyways I stayed, but I wasn't really that into it.

       Lily and Lith went out on their own to the house of the man who they believed had stolen the Deck. When they arrived, they found him dead, with the deed to a keep next to him; he'd drawn the wrong card. Lith picked up the Deck, did a divination spell, moved some cards around, and drew the Star, the Vizier, and the Fates cards. Her patron had given her a mission to collect as many Fates cards as possible from the Deck, but in this draw, she took the one card Claire so desperately needed. 

       Eventually Momma and Lith came back to the brothel and got everyone, the boys were very unhappy to leave and whined the entire way home. When we got back to our little villa Momma produced the Deck and told us all we could draw from it. Rosebud went first, drawing the Knight, and causing a strange creature with the head of a horse attached to the hips of a halfling to appear. Apparently this is Rosebud's other half, Alfalfa; when Momma had created Rosebud he'd used the parts that were leftover to create this odd monstrosity. Rosebud's luck with the Deck didn't last though, and he drew the Ruin- which wrote him out of Lily's will.

       I needed to draw, but couldn't risk losing anything else that was important to me, so I completely stripped down, gave all of my things to Momma, claiming he owned them while I drew. Astrid did the same before she drew, but that didn't seem to help her luck much. She drew the Euryale, which is apparently a curse, followed by the Donjon which caused her to vanish. I went next and drew the Talon, which caused my Rod of Lordly Might, my Belt of Dwarvenkind, and my hand to disintegrate. Momma said it was supposed to make all of my magical items vanish, but since I had given him all of them before drawing, it could only dust what I had been attuned to. My second card was the Key, and a Defender sword appeared in my hand. It was a halfway decent sword, I guess, but it wasn't my Rod. I loved that thing. Maybe this stupid Deck really is out to get me.

       Flimflam went next, drawing first the Comet, which didn't seem to do anything, then he drew the Sun which gave him some magical item- I'm not sure which, I wasn't paying much attention; his final card was Balance, and I don't know what they card did either.

       Geophry was in the midst of drawing when Lith told him to say "yes" first. Then the little shit drew the Moon and got three wishes. Momma went next and drew the Rogue. Niles went last, drawing the Flames card.

       Now that we were done, Lith told Momma she wanted to make a deal to help get Astrid back, which would require him to give her assistance once when requested. He agreed and made Geophry use a wish to get her location. Then they had to convince Flimflam to let them borrow his Staff of the Magi, so they could plane shift to her. As Momma and Geophry vanished, a thirty foot geyser of oil erupted from the floor. I was still naked, and now covered in oil, slipping and sliding all over the place. Flimflam started making lecherous comments at me, and ignored me when I reminded him I'm his sister now. I yelled at him to fix the issue, so the asshole set the oil on fire, burning up everything in the room that wasn't magical- but he somehow didn't hurt me. He then hit me in the face with a firebolt, I guess just because he could.

       Momma, Astrid, and Geophry reappeared after that, to find scorch marks all over the room, and Flimflam trying to grope me with his Hand. I punched him and walked away, so he began attacking me with his Hand; I didn't want to fight him, but apparently that wasn't mutual, since the jackass kept hitting me, and managed to knock me unconscious. After Momma revived me, he punched Flimflam for being a perverted dick.

       I now had no clothing, thanks to Flimflam, and no longer hand a hand. Lith let me borrow one of her dresses, and we went to the temple to get my fingers regrown. It took about two minutes, and was the most agonizing pain I've ever experienced; I almost passed out. After that we bought me new clothes.

Photo from the "Gauntlgrym" novel by R.A. Salvatore

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Ruin Raider Archetype for Rogues

This page was created at The Homebrewery, an amazing resource for people who make their own content.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-Six

The Deep Roads

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Riddle, Claire's baby basilisk
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud, Geophry, and Flimflam's "Momma;" champion of the Living Dungeon
Astrid Rockham, the Longstrider Shifter Evocation Wizard
Calipso, Astrid's Lizard Familiar
Kazul, the Copper  Platinum Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget was restored to life by her god

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy
Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist
Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later
Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar
Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar
Flimflam Pebblehead-Petunia, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds and thinks everyone should be gluttonous
Arwenel, the Elf Scholar
Falkryn Stonekey, the Shield Dwarf Ruin Raider
Schnella Stonesneak, the Deep Gnome Deep Delver

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver- grick kibble
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her- stayed in Blingdenstone
Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil- dust in the wind
Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut- retired in Blingdenstone
Stool, the Myconid Child- stayed in Blingdenstone
Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist- MIA after the Battle of Blingdenstone
Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins- stayed in Blingdenstone

Friendly Fire: 216
Party members killed: 24
Overall party members lost: 36

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Uktar 26, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Deep Roads

       When we stopped to camp tonight, Geophry pulled out a deck of cards that he said was a Deck of Many Things. I've heard of these, they're very rare. He offered us each a draw from the deck. Lily drew first, pulling out the Throne and the Rogue; which I don't know what either of those mean, but he seemed pleased about the Throne card. Rosebud drew next, he only took one card, and got the Flames. I went next, and drew the Ruin card and all of my money turned to dust, then I drew the Skull card and an avatar of death appeared before me. I had to fight the damned thing, and I barely beat it; after drawing it Lily adopted me into the Petunia clan. Flimflam was next to draw, and he got the Euryale- which made him shudder- and the Key, which caused a magical staff to appear in his hands. The odd platinum dragonborn drew next, taking two cards; she drew the Sun, causing an Iron Flask to appear in her hands, and the Void, which made her keel over.

       We didn't know really anything about this quiet dragonborn, but someone said her name was Kazul; that must be a common name for dragonborn. Lily used a spell that gives him information on things and people, asking me to tell him about my Kazul, so I did, even though it was impossible for that one to be the same. Somehow though, Lily's spell came back saying that it was my Kazul, but that doesn't make sense, how could it possibly be her? I stared at Lily, stunned and trying to process this information, when a cry of surprise was made by Rosebud behind us.

       While Lily had been working on that spell, Geophry had picked up the iron flask Kazul had been holding, but since he doesn't have hands he convinced Rosebud to open it for him. A nalfeshnee demon came out of the flask, and turned to look at the halftaur who had just released it. 

       Some hideous demon thing was staring at Rosebud, and it told him to say its name; to which Rosebud said "my name." The demon pressed, and Rosebud apparently said its name on accident, causing him to lose control of the demon- who promptly turned to attack us. It scared me, and I began to run away from it, as did Mithrilye and Geophry.

       The nalfeshnee turned to Rosebud and bit him, hurting the barbarian badly. Lily summoned his Hand, and accidentally hit Rosebud with it instead of the demon- the halftaur was very badly injured now. Rosebud grabbed the horn he'd gotten in Blingdenstone that summons gargoyles to fight for him, using them as a distraction so he could take a couple potions before the nalfeshnee got anymore blows in.

       Astrid Rockham had escaped the drow who had taken her and her crew prisoner, and had been lost for what felt like days in the tunnels of the Underdark. She heard the sounds of combat coming from the chamber up ahead and began moving toward them. Then she slipped and fell, tumbling head over heel, and landing in a chamber where an odd group of adventurers was fighting a nalfeshnee.

       Lily and Flimflam were  both hit with the demon's fear, and turned to run, leaving Rosebud mostly alone to deal with it. His elementals did some damage to it, but really it hurt the elementals more than they hurt it. Rosebud noticed the nalfeshnee was covered in piercings, and he grabbed a ruby nipple ring and ripped it out- the demon collapsed from the pain, allowing the gargoyles to rip into it. Astrid sent some magic missiles at it, and with that the demon flew up and away- getting a few more lashes from the gargoyles- and said it would be back, as it ran away.

       Rosebud presented a ruby nipple ring to Lily when we had all gotten our wits about us. Lily said it was a phylactery of some kind, and turned to Astrid- the wizard who had stumbled upon us- to draw a circle so he could identify it.

       I recognized Astrid from Cormyr, when I'd arrested her for piracy early in my career. She had escaped from me, by using that mist spell that Flimflam uses to get away from things. It was good to see a familiar face down here, even if it was someone I had arrested.

       Lily said the soul in the ruby was humanoid, and his lore spell told him the soul had entered the ruby very recently. He had Rosebud put the fake Kazul's body in the circle, and then smashed the ruby to release the soul. Rosebud smashed the stone and a boom reverberated throughout the cavern; I felt more than heard it. Ruby dust went everywhere, the circle was trashed, and the soul returned to the body. I cannot believe that this is Kazul, if it was my cherie she would have said something to me before we left Blingdenstone. She needs to stay away from me.

       Before we retired for the night, Geophry offered Astrid a draw from the Deck of Many Things, which she accepted. She drew the Moon card, and Momma said that gave her one wish.

***** Uktar 27, Deep Roads

       When we set up camp for the night, the impostor Kazul approached me, she wanted to know why I wanted nothing to do with her. She also recognized the holy symbol and prayer book that I had taken as tokens to remember my cherie by. So she recognized a couple of small things, but cannot remember the friend who stood by her for months. I tossed the book at her, kept the holy symbol, and told her to stay away from me. I want nothing to do with this impostor. The rage that filled me was somewhat overwhelming, and I was surprised that I did not attack her- I really wanted to.

       I learned that Astrid can turn any liquid into alcohol. She's amazing, I think we'll become good friends.

***** Uktar 28, Deep Roads

       We found what Momma said was an ancient dwarven way marker, but none of us could read it. Momma even tried using my Belt of Dwarvenkind as a focus, and he still couldn't get anything. Even though we couldn't read it, we figured it would be best to just follow the marker; it was most likely to take us where we wanted to go.

       Schnella stopped us at a chasm, she said it was newly formed- with as large as it was, that was troubling. We traveled alongside it for a while since Schnella said that was the way we needed to go. After a while, we heard dretches, and saw about fifty of them coming out of a tunnel on the other side of the chasm, chasing a lone dwarf. She got to the chasm and jumped- Momma tried to use her dimensional spell, but the dwarf jumped before she could cast it; instead the spell beheaded a dretch that had started to go through the door. Several more of the dretches lemminged off the cliff.

       Something metallic flew up from the dwarf, and hit the ceiling, it seemed to be some sort of portable grapple, because she was now swinging toward us. The dwarf's name was Falkryn, and she was separated from her group. Since we were trying to get to Gauntlgrym to reach the surface, she said she'd tag along for a while.

       Eventually we were able to find a cavern that was big enough for us to put up the Tower. I'm sure those who were in it were relieved to be able to get out and move around. Falkryn said if we gave her a day, she could figure out where we were.

       All night we could hear dretches, but none approached us.

***** Uktar 30, Deep Roads

       Falkryn said she was pretty sure where we needed to go to get to Gauntlgrym, the problem was we needed to go down a fifteen foot cliff to get to the tunnel we needed. Getting there and then down the cliff took most of the day, but eventually we found whatever it was Falkryn had been looking for.

***** The Feast of the Moon Holiday, Deep Roads

       Astrid found the remnants of an ancient doorway or gate that we needed to go through. It was a tight squeeze, and Flimflam had to shrink Rosebud to get him through the door. When we had finally all squeezed though the door, we found ourselves in an ancient dwarven fort that looked fairly intact. The room appeared to be a foyer, since there was another set of doors in front of us, and there were signs that it had been opened recently.

       Falkryn used that knock spell to open the door, but used an ancient form of dwarven- that we only recognized because of Momma's spell. On the other side of these doors was a set of dusty stairs that went down into darkness. The room at the bottom of the stairs appeared to have been a storage room at one time, and even though it was clear that the door above us had been opened recently, Schnella and Twyla couldn't find any tracks. Falkryn began to search for a secret door, and found it within a couple of minutes- she's really good at this. Behind this secret door was a dark tunnel.

       The tunnel ended at a large room with some sort of odd dais in it. On the dais was a huge circular gate-looking thing that was ringed with runes, but three of them were missing. Schnella had found one of them up above in the fortress, and we began to search around for the other two. It was very dark in here, and I offered to light up the cavern with my Driftglobe, but the others said it wasn't necessary. Suddenly a globe of darkness appeared, and a figure in very heavy armor emerged from it.

       An angry voice rang out, "took you long enough, lay down your weapons and surrender now." We were surrounded by drow. The figure was Zenit, which the party didn't know, since no one was left that had known her. Kazul tried to sneak around to flank one of the drow but was spotted instantly. Of course we would never surrender that easily, but a crossbow bolt flew out and dropped poor Niles; it was likely drow poison though, so he wasn't dead, just asleep. A cloud appeared over the gate, causing Lith, Mithrilye, and Twyla to fall unconscious. Rosebud summoned his gargoyles to aid us.

       Schnella was the next to fall from a crossbow bolt. As each attack hit, a globe of darkness dropped. A command rang out to drop our weapons, and that seemed like a good idea. I began to unchain my Rod from my wrist. Seluna activated her Driftglobe, and we were bathed in moonlight; her globe dispelled the rest of the darkness, and we saw exactly how many drow were surrounding us. This was not good.

       Not-Kazul began pounding on the drow nearest her, while Momma dropped a Hut over our unconscious friends. Rosebud was hit with some sort of spell that made him look very uncomfortable, and one of his elementals woke Mithrilye up and got her out of the cloud. The other elementals followed suit and began waking up our fallen friends. An odd looking shadow mouse (Orvald) picked up Rosebud's discarded hammer and began hitting him with it, while a drow came at him too. Geophry jumped off of Rosebud's back, and somehow managed to wrestle Rosebud's hammer away from it, then he fell over. It was odd to watch.

       I threw my Rod out of the Hut, up on one of the ledges above us, right before it was dispelled. Spiders began to crawl all over the place, slowly covering the floor and walls with their disgusting little bodies. Astrid used some sort of flame spell, targeting one of the driders; instead it hit Lith and she fell. Mithrilye grabbed the arm of one of the drow and convinced him to attack the quaggoth that was looming over her; she's damn good at that.

       Astrid was the next  to fall, and as she did the drow who seemed to be in charge called for our surrender again. Mithrilye telepathically told Lily to activate the gate; she then told Rosebud to feign surrendering. Mithrilye randomly said "now," then seemed to teleport across the room- reappearing as a succubus... that explains a lot. She cut herself and told Momma to use her blood to activate the portal. As the portal began to open, Kazul quickly jumped up to where Claire had thrown her Rod and grabbed it for her. 

       The portal opened and Graz'zt himself stepped out; using the blood of his daughter brought him there. 

       We barely escaped the drow, but Schnella, Falkryn, and Twyla were unconscious and got left behind. The landscape of our destination was disturbing, there was a throne with webs behind it, and a shadowy figure in the webs. Momma announced we were in the Abyss, in Azzagrat, the home of the Demon Lord Graz'zt. Kazul handed me my Rod and bent over to check on Mithrilye, who was unconscious and bleeding profusely. Suddenly we felt disoriented as Astrid said "I wish myself, Astrid Rockham, Claire Thundersword, Rosebud, Lily, Flimflam, and Geophry Petunia, Seluna, Niles, Twyla, Lith, Mithrilye, Kazul, Schnella, Falkryn, George, and Fred are all safely standing before the front gates of Gauntlgrym."

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-Five

The Battle of Blingdenstone Part Two: 
The Pudding King

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Riddle, Claire's baby Basilisk
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Urthstripe. Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her
Lit, Mezzem's baby Basilisk
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud and Geophry's "Momma;" champion of the Living Dungeon
Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil
Barkbeak, Vadania's Hippogriff Steed
Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy
Stool, the Myconid Child was raised from the grave by Mezzem
Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist
Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist
Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later
Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar
Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar
Flimflam Pebblehead, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds
Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Kazul, the Copper Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver from the Miner's Guild- grick kibble

Friendly Fire: 214

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Uktar 5, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Blingdenstone

       Before we could pursue the invisible red, we got a call from our artillery support that a group of them were cut off from the Diggermattocks and were in desperate need of healing. Mezzem decided to go help them, leaving us without a healer.

       Lily had also heard the call for a healer, and he grabbed Geophry- who he had seen lurking in the background of the fight- and told the chair to take him to that group. By the time the bard had reached the group needing help, Mezzem was already there, so Lily decided to head over to the main party, since their healer had randomly abandoned them.

       Flimflam was in the middle of freezing the slimy path that the Pudding King had taken when he fled, when Lily and Geophry flew in. It was a relief to see them, since we were not happy Mezzem had randomly decided to leave us. Rosebud offered Flimflam some of his blood to help speed up the process, and when he did the lad fell asleep, flashed with colored light, and was outlined in faerie fire; then a draconic roar echoed around the cavern as the floor became covered in ice. Apparently blood is a very good way to empower a spell.

       Before we could advance too far, Flimflam exclaimed in pain, he had been hit with another mental attack- those were getting really annoying. I want to say war was simpler in Cormyr, but I know that's just me hating this battle and missing my home; you know you've grown homesick when you even miss the wars you were part of. I shook those thoughts aside before my homesickness overtook my ability to fight. I would not let my melancholy be the reason that my friends died.

       The room we were walking into "Phosphorescent lichen illuminated this cave. the floor of which was covered with pools of green slime. More green slime clung to the ceiling and formed hideous drapes along the walls. In the middle of the cave, facing east, was a slime covered throne."* Based on the throne this seemed to be the Pudding King's base of operations.

       Lily had Geophry wake his brother, and Rosebud got right up and grew much larger; then slime landed on him. I shot at the throne in this frozen room, thinking there might be something hiding back there, but nothing happened; I barely dodged a slime falling off the ceiling of the cavern. Suddenly a crown of crystallized, spiky slime appeared around Rosebud's forehead, as if the ball that had just landed on him solidified into the crown. That was not going to be good for us.

       Flimflam used his ice breath at the throne and we saw "The Pudding King cowered behind his slime covered throne and chortled in his joy. 'Callooh! Callay! Now you can join the party!' he cackled. 'You can be one with the Faceless Lord. Just let yourselves be eaten and disgorged!'"* Yeah, cause that sounds fucking pleasant. Vadania's hand went to her forehead in pain from a mental attack, and Lily told Geophry to fly him to the throne; the King was indeed hiding back there, and now we could end this. I hope.

       Vadania and I ran over to the throne to help Lily deal with the King, but for some reason I could not see him back there. Then Lily summoned his Hand- I shuddered- and picked up the King. Rosebud whacked Flimflam and chucked his hammer at me- that fucking hurt! The stupid crown thing must be fucking with his mind, we had to get it off of him somehow. In Lily's Hand the Pudding King screamed and blood began flowing from between the fingers... the blood turned into ooze that then enveloped the Hand- it was like looking at a pudding that was made of flesh and blood- really gross.

       Lily called to us that we couldn't use fire, cold, or acid against the King, and that our weapons would do little damage. So I was going to be kind of useless in this battle apparently. Geophry pointed out to us the pudding that had been hitting us with mental attacks, and it looked like multiple different types of puddings had merged to form that one. Vadania called a beam of moonlight down on the King, and he became a gnome again, who was clinging to one of the fingers on Lily's Hand. I shot my crossbow at it and missed horribly, and Lily punched the ground with the King still gripping the finger- I pushed away the memories of the Living Dungeon at the sight of that. A shield flared before impact though, the King had cast something to prevent the punch from hurting him- so Lily yelled out that "I've shit better oozes than you!" Eew.

       The King managed to get off of the Hand, and the moment he was out of Vadania's light he turned back into an ooze. He spewed acid at everyone, missing only Lily, Geophry, and Vadania, destroying Lily's Hand, dropping Flimflam, and then he engulfed our elemental. Geophry turned immediately to help his friend, and Lily jumped off of the chair as soon as he was close enough. Vadania's beam moved back onto the King, and he became a gnome again- still gripping our elemental; this was going to be annoying- more so than everything already was.

       I stabbed the King, but it didn't seem to do anything to him, Lily insulted him to no avail, and our poor elemental just could not break out of its grasp. The Pudding King teleported and began to run away, calling to the invisible psychic ooze to devour us. Green bolts came flying from the ooze, slamming into the elemental and I, and then it held its head in pain- the ooze must have hit it with a mental attack.

       The combination of the acid and the mental attacks were too much for our poor elemental; it died. Flimflam attempted to use his blood to do something magical- the arcane words I heard sounded like his lightning bolt- but he dropped unconscious instead of casting anything. Geophry went to revive Flimflam, and announced to us that Lily was trapped in a cube. I hurried to catch up to help him.

       Lily went after the Pudding King, but there was a gelatinous cube blocking his path- that he didn't see until he had run into it. Rosebud followed, and thought at first that Lily was just playing around, the halftaur didn't realize his mother was trapped in the cube. The ooze hit Rosebud with a blight spell, but that wasn't enough to slow him down when his momma was in trouble. 

       I slammed my Rod at the cube, hoping to free Lily, and I think it worked, since a second later he broke out of the cube. Rosebud dealt it the killing blow for hurting his momma, and we hurriedly scraped some of the acid that was stuck to us off so it would quit hurting us. While we were doing that, I saw Geophry fly Flimflam up near the psychic ooze, and he let loose a lighting bolt at it... which then bounced right back at him. Chairy did an impressive maneuver to make the lightning hit him instead of Flimflam.

       The insane svirfneblin then used his blood to fuel a thunder spell, which hit me instead of the ooze. At that Flimflam declared that he was useless, and told Geophry to drop him off and pick up Lily instead. Something in Flimflam snapped and for the next few minutes he was convinced that he was an ooze. My head screamed in pain as I was hit with another mental attack, and I was dimly aware of Chairy dive bombing Rosebud and I to neutralize the acid on us. The mental pain struck me again, it felt like my head was about to explode.

       Flimflam then decided to use blood magic to usurp control of the oozes from the Pudding King, which backfired in a few ways. First he turned into a hobgoblin, then a tree appeared and scorpions came flowing out of it, which all began attacking Flimflam, and then he was polymorphed into a pearlescent ooze. 

       I saw a new ooze in the room, a pearlescent one, and went for it, since I couldn't reach the damn psychic one anyway. Of course it responded to my attack, and left some weird goop on me- different than other oozes we've encountered. Vadania joined my assault of this ooze, and together we killed it... only to have it turn into a bleeding and unconscious Flimflam. Shit. Why the Hells did he think turning into an ooze was a good fucking idea right now?

       The fucking scorpions swarmed toward me now that their prey had died, so I pulled out an item I've been carrying for a long time now, and turned one of them into a giant scorpion that was under my control. Vadania revived Flimflam and I tossed him over my shoulder so we could catch up to the group. For some reason Vadania decided she needed to chop down the scorpion tree before following.

       Lily had Geophry fly him up to the psychic ooze and began stabbing it. The ooze responded by completely engulfing the bard, but he broke out of its hold quickly enough. Rosebud began beating on the ooze in retaliation. 

       I rounded the corner just in time to see Lily shove a bag of gunpowder and ball bearings into the ooze and ignite it. He couldn't get his hand away in time, and we were showered in ooze goo. None of us, including Lily, were hurt by the explosion though. Once Vadania had finished chopping down the tree, we continued on the path the Pudding King had taken.

       The chamber we entered was fairly large, with a sea of oozes being attacked by our troops, water pouring from one tunnel, and a group of gnomes attacking a large ooze. We realized that not all of the svirfneblin were actually attacking the ooze though, some of them appeared to be dead, two were fighting each other, and one was spinning uselessly in a circle. There was an odd babbling noise coming from the ooze, and it had a bunch of mouths; Lily said it was a gibbering mouther.

       Rosebud charged straight in toward the mouther, and Flimflam wriggled out of my grasp, going instead to the sea of oozes, slinging his ice spells at them. Vadania and I began running for the mouther, and commanded my scorpion to do the same, while Lily and Geophry flew toward it. Lily dropped his Hand on top of it, trying to mash it into the ground- I barely suppressed a shudder at the memory.

       As Rosebud slammed into it with his spear, I noticed that the bodies seemed to be sinking into the ground, which had to be a trick of the eye, since it wasn't really a place where they should be able to do so. Lily's Hand punched the mouther- shiver- and he tossed an insult at it, while I kept running. Rosebud suddenly froze in his tracks, as if something were preventing him from moving. Close contact with the mouther made Rosebud temporarily insane, and he literally could not do anything. 

       I saw the mouther shoot something at Rosebud, and lean in to bite him. It had spat acid at him, blinding him, but it missed with its bite attack. At that I shot my crossbow at the mouther, and had my scorpion claw at it. Lily's Hand came down hard on the thing, and it seemed to die; then a cloud of toxic spores came bursting out of the mouther, killing my poor scorpion.

       The only way the Pudding King could have gone was through the tunnel the water was coming from, but there was too much water for us to just cross it, so Lily used his Hand to start digging a trench to divert some of the water. Lily and Flimflam combined their power, and their blood, in an attempt to freeze the water, but it wasn't frozen enough for us to get through yet. It did make an illusion of a tarrasque appear, which distracted the oozes from us for a moment. We were getting pinned between that toxic cloud, the water, and the sea of oozes; we had to find a way through now or we may not survive this. We could hear more oozes coming from the way we had just came from too, so doubling back wasn't even an option.

       At that moment, Lily announced that the ooze wasn't dead, it was the Pudding King, and he was using the cloud to keep us away so he could heal. He grabbed Rosebud and used their dimensional portal to get back to the King. Chairy and Flimflam flew back toward it, once again leaving Vadania and I to run.

       Lily hurled a fire spell at the mouther, and Rosebud moved its body, revealing the Pudding King who had been hiding underneath it; he had indeed been eating the gnome corpses to heal himself. When Flimflam got there he dispelled the cloud kill to allow the rest of the group to get to them.

       I saw Lily drawing some runes around the Pudding King for Flimflam to use, as Vadania got to it; I was still a little further behind her. The flesh of the ooze began to bubble up as a green beam came out of it, aimed for Flimflam- but Vadania was in the way. My friend was reduced to a pile of ash. Seeing that, Rosebud sliced his leg, offering Flimflam fresh blood and told him to get the spell done and finish this. Flimflam threw two lightning bolts at the King, and it began to grow...

       Then a chunk of the wall behind it exploded, and the debris that slammed into it seemed to finish the ooze off. A large gelatinous cube appeared, and we could hear shots in the tunnel behind it, as 150 kobolds came pouring out of the tunnel. Platinum rays of light came from the cube as it sucked itself up into a suit of full plate armor that had been inside of it. The oozes fled from the cube, as it pursued them mercilessly. This had to be Glabbagool and the kobolds of Bahamutsville! We had won! Blingdenstone was saved!

***** Blingdenstone

       We spent the next couple of tendays cleaning up the remaining oozes, and reclaiming parts of the city. The myconids and kobolds settled into their new home quickly.

       In addition to losing Vadania, we lost Galothel, Umund, Elyn, and Glyphic; along with about 20% of our fighting forces. Medic and Dorbo were permanently disfigured by the oozes, and Dwarvenforge lost an arm- though that didn't seem to bother him, he said he could still smith one handed. He's probably going to make himself another arm like he did for me.

       True to their word, the Diggermattocks gave us a map to the surface, but the only way they knew of that would for sure take us there would put us somewhere in the High Forest. Instead of potentially spending month lost there, we chose to take the Deep Roads, which was a less scouted route, that they believed would take us to Gauntlgrym. The ancient dwarven city was near enough to Neverwinter that I could easily buy a portal home from there. We were given a guide named Schnella, who we were told was almost as good as Roswyn had been.

       Lily adopted Flimflam after the fight, his antics had shown that he belonged in the Petunia family. Rosebud finished crafting the repeating crossbow that Fidget had been working on before he died, and gave it to me so I'd have a better ranged weapon.

       On the 26 of Uktar we said goodbye to Mezzem, Thecker, the twins, Glabbagool, the kobolds, and our other friends in the city and set out on our journey to the surface. The group was now myself, Lily, Rosebud, Flimflam, Seluna, Niles, Twyla, Lith, Mithrilye, Amin, Arwenel, and a platinum dragonborn who was with Kibbik; he said it would be good for her to go with us.

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.

Tales from Toril- The Underdark Escapees: Book One, Chapter Thirty-Four

The Battle of Blingdenstone Part One: Wading Through Oozes and Muck

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword, the Human Wererat Swordcaptain of the Purple Dragon Knights
Riddle, Claire's baby Basilisk
Hans, Claire's Basalt Wolf Figurine
Urthstripe, Claire's Alabaster Badger Figurine
Mezzem, the Kobold Wererat Priestess of Bahamut who plots the murder of anyone who slights her
Lit, Mezzem's baby Basilisk
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia, the Halfling/Shetland Pony "Centaur" Wererat Berserker, "The Destroyer;" who sees magic where there is none and collects things that aren't there
Lily Trillium Petunia, the Green Dragonborn Lore Bard, and Rosebud and Geophry's "Momma;" champion of the Living Dungeon
Vadania Nailaza, the Wild Elf Oakroot of Rillifane Rallathil
Barkbeak, Vadania's Hippogriff Steed
Thecker Powdercraft, the Deep Gnome Wererat Gunslinger and Inquisitor of Bahamut

Seluna, the Moon Elf Drow Totem Warrior Circle of the Moon Druid and Silverstar of Selûne
Flimflam Pebblehead, the Deep Gnome Arcanist who has to collect everything he finds
Smoothpalm, the Deep Gnome Monk of Smoothhands
Niles Rubusthorn, the Moon Elf Shadow Dancer
Twyla Alderleaf, the Moon Elf Scout
Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia, the chair that used to be a boy
Stool, the Myconid Child was raised from the grave by Mezzem
Galothel Nightbreeze, the Moon Elf Alchemist
Amin of Citadel Adbar, the Shield Dwarf Alchemist
Mithrilye, the Sun Elf Entertainer who will do anything to achieve her goals, and believes that anything that can bring her pleasure should be enjoyed immediately, not saved until later
Lith, the Bronze Dragonborn Scholar
Fitzzle, Lith's violet faerie dragon familiar
Topsy and Turvy Goldwhiskers, the Deep Gnome Wererat Rogue Twins

Comrades we have lost:

Ront, the Orc Fighter- turned into hamburger by Pwent

Buppido, the Derro- smashed by Orvald

Eldeth Feldrun, the Shield Dwarf- killed during escape

Hera Adaar, the Abyssal Tiefling Wild Sorceress- swept away

Luna Trelawny, the Human Divination Wizard- skull caved in by rock thrown by Fidget, then finished off by black pudding

Sarith Zekarit, the Drow Scout- drowned

Phillip Johnson, the Human Cleric- in a seemingly irreversible coma, left in Hemeth's care

Jim Jar, the Deep Gnome- eaten by grell

Prince Derendil, the Quaggoth- killed by sea troll

Shuushar, the "Awakened" Kuo-toa- turned into shuushi by sea troll

Hemeth, the Duergar Arms Dealer- parted with group in Gracklstugh met group briefly on route to Mantol Derith for trade
Thimblepwent Battlehammer, the Dwarven Battlerager Barbarian- turned into dog food
Orvald Abershaw, the Mousefolk Barbarian- became a squeaky toy last seen in Bahamutsville under Zin-carla
Zenit 'Dracon, the Drow Fighter- abandoned the party because Orvald died last seen in Bahamutsville
Lythana Belmyr, the Half-Drow Blood Hunter of Eilistraee- sacrificed to Demogorgon
Codsworth, the polite Flumph- shredded by crossbow
Zarrus, the Tiefling Favored Soul Sorcerer of Mephisto- vanished during gnoll fight
Ol' Sparky, the Deep Dragon- last seen thrown into a portal to the Abyss by a glabrezu
Aura, the Air Genasi Storm Sorceress- accidental self-vaporization (bitch blew herself up)
Kyri, the Minotaur Scout- vaporized by a jackass

Fidget Stonegear, the Deep Gnome Inventor- big badda boom 

Miarielle, the Lythari Priestess of Corellon- bigger badda boom
Kazul, the Copper Dragonborn Shadow Monk of Bahamut- skull caved in by another rock from Fidget
Glabbagool, the Gelatinous Cube- stayed with the kobolds
Kara Reginleif, the Half-Valkyrie Wererat Champion from the Zhentarim- vorpaled to pieces by demon Easter bunnies

Rumpadump, the Myconid Child- frozen by demon Easter bunny was raised by Mezzem and went missing, it is believed that Stool ate him
Sajin Silvertongue, the Deep Gnome Wererat Assassin- got stoned and kissed a pretty Medusa
Yklwa, Tali's Deinonychus animal companion- devoured by corbies
Natali, the Tiger Therinthrope Beastmaster- wished herself home
Roswyn Darkshooter, the Deep Gnome Delver from the Miner's Guild- grick kibble

Friendly Fire: 207
Party members killed: 23
Overall party members lost: 30

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Claire's perspective, anything with italics is from a third party, since the knight can't be everywhere at once.

***** Marpenoth 25, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Blingdenstone

       After we got settled back in at Blingdenstone, we met with the Goldwhiskers, Diggermattocks, the Miner's Guild, the Stoneheart Enclave, the Burrow Wardens, and the ghosts to find out what had happened in our absence and to come up with a plan of attack. We would need a tenday to get everything together,

       We were told that the ooze attacks had escalated, they were attacking more often, and as a result the svirfneblin had to collapse two tunnels to keep them out. We would have access to one greater earth elemental from the Stoneheart Enclave, and ranged artillery support; the ghosts would be attacking from above and below.

       The majority of the Goldwhiskers and Diggermattocks would be on the front lines, keeping the oozes distracted so we could find the king. In addition to those factions, Amin, Galothel, Lith, Mithrilye, Lily, Medic, and Terrik would be part of the frontal assault.

       Flimflam, Rosebud, Vadania, Mezzem, and I would be taking a greater elemental and doing the infiltration, hopefully reaching and killing the Pudding King. We also made two small surgical strike teams that could be merged into a second infiltration team if we failed. The first would be Topsy, Thecker, and Seluna along with twelve Goldwhiskers; the second would have Turvy, Smoothpalm, Twyla, Niles, and twelve more Goldwhiskers. I hoped we wouldn't need to use the second strike team. We were not bringing Geophry with us, we didn't want to put the chair in harm's way.

       Once we had figured out on the maps where exactly everyone would be going, we all settled in to prepare for this fight.

***** Uktar 5, Blingdenstone

       Today we fight the Pudding King and hopefully save Blingdenstone. I had polished my armor, and said a quick pre-battle prayer to Torm. The letter to my mother was rewritten to tell her that if she was reading that I had died trying to save Blingdenstone. I hoped no one would need to send it. I made sure the others knew where it was, to make sure it would get to her. I also asked Mezzem to look after Riddle if I died. It was time for me to fight in another war against a seemingly endless army to save a good city from falling. I felt like it was the year of the Nether Mountain Scrolls all over again, when I was in the war against the Sembia and the Shadovar.

       We began our journey through the winding tunnel, hoping it was a backdoor that would bring us to the Pudding King faster. Rosebud and Mezzem were kind of scouting ahead, but not too far- we couldn't afford to lose sight of them. Rosebud came upon a puddle and splashed his maul into it, it splashed slime back at him. Turns out it wasn't an ooze, just a puddle of goo. Flimflam polymorphed him into an air elemental to get rid of the slime, which resulted in a bunch of slime balls whirling in the air around Mezzem. Rosebud tried to throw a slime ball at Flimflam and missed horribly.

       A little bit later we ran into a white pudding that pummeled Flimflam and he got stuck; I hate those ones. Then a black spiny one dropped down next to Mezzem, and two more whites dropped down, one grabbing Vadania and the other failing to grab Rosebud; a gray one followed them and took a swipe at our elemental. Mezzem and Rosebud each took a swipe at the spiny one, and it literally exploded in fire, hitting all of us. Vadania managed to break free of the white that was holding her, but poor Flimflam went down, and fell in the white on him even further.

       Rosebud hit one with his maul and it split, bludgeoning doesn't usually split them- he still killed both halves though. I decided to try a slashing blade on the next one, thinking since bludgeoning split one maybe slashing wouldn't, and that didn't work- it split, and then split again on the second swipe of my blade. Rosebud went for the one that had swallowed Flimflam, and though he hit it, he got stuck by it; Mezzem went for that one too, and she tried to move it to see Flimflam so she could heal him- which didn't work.

       Our elemental made short work of the gray that was on it, while I finished off the split pieces on me. Rosebud and Vadania kept working at the ooze that had swallowed Flimflam, before Mezzem decided to take a huge risk and reach into the ooze to attempt to revive the svirfneblin. We couldn't tell if it worked, but Mezzem's arm was now stuck in the fucking thing. I hate oozes. Flimflam was revived, but the horror of coming to inside an ooze broke his fragile mind, and he is now a hoarder.

       Vadania pulled Mezzem out of it, and just in time- Flimflam dropped a fireball on himself inside of it, the ooze was gone, and Flimflam was lying unconscious on the ground with his hands glowing brilliant colors. The explosion killed poor Barkbeak again- that insane gnome was really good at killing that hippogriff.

       A little while later we came across a huge puddle of slime that we couldn't get around, so Flimflam decided to freeze it. He began using the spell that makes a beam of frost come from his hands, but got annoyed with how long it was taking, and ended up using his dragon ice breath, which covered the entire tunnel in ice- and he suddenly seemed a little thinner.

       Shortly after that Rosebud rounded a corner, and saw what he described as "a shiny... magical... lump of death!" and charged forward, straight into a gelatinous cube. As we came up behind him a white ball came bouncing in, smacking Vadania and bouncing off of her into Mezzem. If it wasn't war, this would have been rather amusing to watch.

       Rosebud had broken free of the cube, and was now being attacked by three crystal-looking things. Flimflam used the spell that shoots a beam of frost out of his palm on the bouncy ball, and it seemed to shudder on impact. Mezzem whacked the ball with her sword, only to have it bounce back and hit her... I couldn't suppress a chuckle at that, it was just too funny watching her sword rebound right into her. Her rebounded hit seemed to kill that ball though, so we could turn our attention to the cube and crystals attacking Rosebud.

      Vadania and I went for the cube, and took it out in only a couple of hits. The metallic lump of death came up and began attacking Rosebud in the meantime- these oozes didn't seem to like the halftaur. He of course retaliated, but his maul barely seemed to chip one of the crystals. Flimflam used a lightning spell on one of the crystals- it exploded and paralyzed him. He's good at accidentally hurting himself while killing an enemy. Lucky for him Vadania fixed him before an ooze got to him.

        Both the elemental and I seemed to be barely able to touch the fucking crystals, and the elemental randomly burrowed into the ground after its attack. Flimflam unleashed a lightning bolt at all of them, killing all but one crystal and the metallic. Mezzem sent her pillar of radiance at the crystal, but it didn't drop- instead it paralyzed Rosebud.

       Vadania and I finished off the metallic, and Flimflam used more lightning on the remaining crystal. The elemental popped up too late to do anything. We gathered ourselves and continued our search for the King.

       We came up on another huge puddle of slime we couldn't get around. Mezzem tried to use the spell that cleans things, but it didn't do anything, so Flimflam froze the slime again. After we crossed the frozen tunnel, we saw the Pudding King. "The insane, slime-covered deep gnome pointed at us and cackled, 'Devour them, my precious children! Make your father proud!' He then bolted."*

       Rosebud fired an arrow in a direction where he thought one of them was, and we saw a metallic shimmer where the arrow landed. He then began to shake as if he was being attacked, but none of us could see anything great now we have invisible oozes. In his head, Rosebud heard a voice say "what's soft and gooey and red all over? You in about two seconds." He was being attacked by invisible tendrils. Flimflam blindly sent out a wave of thunder, and we saw a flash of light as the spell went off- we could briefly see the tentacles flailing about, but a second later they were gone. Flimflam could now hear mad giggling in his head.

       Rosebud was hit with a psychic attack so nasty his brain hurt- then the metallic slammed into Rosebud and spat at him, the spit sticking to him somehow. I shot at the wall where Rosebud had just shot, and in response tentacles whipped out, hitting both Flimflam and I. Mezzem did something to illuminate one of the oozes, and Flimflam froze the area; we could see a red metallic, that just missed me with spit.

       I chucked my javelin at the red, and followed up with my crossbow- it spat at me again. I fucking hate oozes. Our elemental walked up the wall toward it and slammed into the thing, I think it hurt the ooze but it's hard to tell against something like that. Flimflam shot fire at that one, but that didn't seem to do anything to it at all.

       Rosebud and Mezzem went for the one with whips, which did not spit when it was hit. Horrible pain coursed through my brain as one of the oozes targeted me with something; I shot at the red again. The ooze with the whips dropped poor Flimflam, and as Vadania retaliated something happened and I was blinded. I wish I still had Dawnbringer, she could have cured the blindness.

       The elemental kept pounding away at the red ooze, and Mezzem revived Flimflam. Flimflam climbed on Rosebud's back and shot a lightning bolt at the red ooze. I got my sight back right before Flimflam used that misty step thing into the air, hurling a lightning bolt killing the whip and a red; we could see now there was more than one red.

       Now we had a new problem, the spit balls the red had been throwing at us were very acidic and stuck to us. I doused myself in water, but that did nothing to get the goo off of me. Our elemental seemed to be in even worse shape, it was covered in the spit balls and seemed to be very badly hurt. Thankfully Mezzem sent out a burst of healing at that moment; while it didn't get the spitballs off of us, it at least knit some of our injured flesh back together.

       Flimflam sent another bolt of lightning at the red, causing it to split into two- I hate that oozes fucking split. It felt like a hammer hit me upside the brain as another mental attack got me. The ooze started spitting at us again, but it only hit Flimflam this time. I worked to get one of the globs off of myself so it would quit trying to destroy my armor, the poor elemental peeled one of the globs off, and I saw Vadania toss a glob off to the side. Flimflam kept chucking lightning bolts at the red, getting hit with more and more of that horrible spit.

       I shot at it with my crossbow, but the headache it had given me must have distracted me, I missed my shot completely. Mezzem used her pillar of radiance on it, and it was dead; now there was only one red left. Throughout all of this Mezzem kept sending out healing bursts, which was the only reason we were able to keep going in this fight.

       We then had a few seconds where all of were missing this damned ooze, I don't know how, it was right there, but it eventually Rosebud shot the fucking thing. Rosebud and Mezzem finished that one off, while the rest of us frantically worked to get the goo off of us. When they had finished it off, Rosebud announced there was another one further down the tunnel. None of us could see it, but Flimflam was hit with a mental attack, which backed up Rosebud's thoughts on there being yet another one.

Photo from Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.