Providing for the Tribe
Dramatis Personae:
Fukno Snottrumpet, the Bard
Etchu, the Barbarian Shaman
Jak Altrai, the ADD Goblin who thinks he needs to be every class
Ooglie, the Beast Master
Dooglie, Ooglie's Goblin Dog animal companion
Yevve, the Evocation Wizard
Princess Babe`, the Feylock of the Goblin King
***** Day 1
Somewhere on Faerun is the village of the Dogskull Goblin Tribe, where these goblins terrorize the humans and anything else them come across. Last night a group of humans had had enough of the goblins, so they sent a group of adventurers to slaughter them. The entire war camp is gone, and with it every capable warrior. All that's left now are the youngest goblins, the wise elder, and a few other goblins that weren't present when the others were wiped out. Today the youngest have been called to the elder, a wise old woman of twenty-five years, to be given the chance to provide for their tribe.
The group took fifteen other goblins with them and headed toward the river to get fish and water. On the way Ooglie heard a buzzing sound, so Jak ran ahead and discovered bees- which he shot at and missed. Fukno began tossing insults at the bees, and they responded by stringing her. As one went for Jak, he redirected the blow and dropped the bard. The party continued exchanging blows with the bees for a few more breaths before they finished slaughtering them.
Babe` saw this as the perfect opportunity to rid herself of Fukno once and for all, and tried to convince the others to let her kill Fukno. They ignored her and drug the unconscious bard over to Dooglie, so that Etchu could tie Fukno to the dog, but she was apparently so unskilled at tying knots that it took her five minutes to do it.
They then moved forward through the trees and discovered more giant bees waiting for them, which they all killed without anyone else dropping. Since they had killed so many bees, Babe` led the others back to bring supplies to carry the meat. The rest of them decided that they would just stay there for the night, and Fukno secretly wished that Babe` would get lost or eaten on her way and never return.
Fukno spotted something in the trees during her watch, and without investigating she tossed an insult into the darkness. Two panthers leapt out of the trees and crashed onto her, making the bard fall unconscious again. Her cry of pain and surprise woke the others, and Etchu instantly began beating on the panthers. A third panther jumped out at Etchu, but she didn't fall. They managed to drop all three panthers, with only Fukno getting seriously injured, again. Fukno was getting frustrated by this point, how could she possibly prove herself capable of leading the tribe if she got knocked out every time there was trouble?
About an hour after the panther attack, a bear came crashing into camp.going straight for Etchu. Ooglie and Dooglie killed the beast, and stayed up for the rest of the night skinning the panthers.
***** Day 2
In the morning Fukno proved her brilliance by designing litters that would let them drag their prizes back to the village. The three panthers and the bear would surely provide enough food for a couple of days. It took them most of the day to put these litters together with what few tools they had. As they finished, they heard buzzing coming toward them. Ooglie, Jak, and Etchu grabbed a panther each and took off, while Fukno turned herself invisible.
A few of the bees went for Etchu and her panther, but the majority of them wanted the bear carcass. The group killed the few on Etchu first, but they didn't want to lose their bear carcass, so Fukno yelled to one of the bees "hey bee! Your mother's so ugly, she looks like a moth!" The other bees got pissed, dropped the bear, and went after Fukno. Jak threw an oil flask at the bees, and ignited from a lightning ball as Babe` caught up to them and discovered their predicament.
Ooglie decided they needed help with the meat, so he ran back to the village to get people while the others rested. When Ooglie got back to them he and Jak decided to scout for the beehive, since all of the bees obviously needed to die now. While they scouted, Jak fell off of Dooglie; Ooglie reached out to grab his friend and instead ripped off Jak's loincloth. Jak fell down a hill, and yelled for Ooglie to help him. Ooglie told him he'd ride down to get him only after he put the loincloth back on- then he tossed it, and it caught the breeze, flying into a tree.
Jak climbed up the tree to retrieve his loincloth, and a branch snapped under his weight. He tumbled down the tree, hitting every branch on the way down, fell back down the hill, and passed out with a concussion. Ooglie shrugged, thinking that was one less person to compete with for chief, ad continued looking for the hive.
A few minutes later the rest of the group found Jak, and Etchu tried to wake him up. Jak woke up in a rage and started swinging, but Babe` knocked him out before he could do much to Etchu. His loincloth was still flapping in the breeze in the tree, so Fukno charmed Etchu into climbing up there to get it for him. They decided to relax while Ooglie finished searching for the hive.
Ooglie let Babe` ride Dooglie with him, instead of Fukno- spurned, she began plotting his demise. Jak and Etchu were sneaking through the woods following Ooglie, and Fukno pulled out her Dill Piccolo, which she thought she was playing sneakily; the Dill Piccolo is not an instrument that can ever be played with stealth though. They noticed a bush up ahead rustle, a creature who'd followed the screechy noise that goblins call music; Jak shoved Fukno into the bush, and she was impaled on the tusk of a boar.
Turns out that boar had brought friends with it; there were three of them in all, one of which was an albino, and Babe` had to have its fur. She prided herself on being the height of goblin fashion, and knew that she would be starting a major trend within the tribe with that fur. And she'd make sure Fukno never got a scrap of it, so that only she would be the trendsetter. They began exchanging blows with the three boars, when they heard as much as felt a deep rumble as a much larger boar charged them- the mother.
The little group managed to prevail against the boars, and decided to stash their carcasses in the bushes to come back for later. After a bit of discussion, they decided to skin the albino boar and take its meat with them to the hive to use as a lure for the bees.
Etchu, Ooglie, and Dooglie were dragging the boar up ahead of the group, trying to get it into position in advance, when Etchu tripped. The bees came out of the hive at the sound of her swearing and went right for her. Ooglie dropped the boar and ran back for the rest of the group, abandoning Etchu; the joke was on him this time though, all of the bees chased him. The group took them out quickly enough, and no one was severely hurt from this fight.
With this latest group of bees dead, they advanced toward the hive. Etchu, having proved herself capable of climbing a tree without almost dying, climbed up a tree and into the hive, then shot an arrow with a rope tied to it at the ground, so that the others could climb up. While Etchu was capable of tree climbing, she wasn't very good at tying things. Jak was the first to try climbing her rope, and the arrow snapped. Somehow he was able to swing himself over to grab a branch and just keep climbing that way. Ooglie tied rope to a new arrow and shot Etchu with it. This one held, and everyone made it into the hive, where they were greeted to a buzzing that was so loud it felt as though their bones were rattling.
Little bee larva began hatching from eggs as they party looked around. Even for being newborns, bees are vicious if you break into their hive. The group began exchanging blows with them, dropping them rapidly, when one bit into Fukno so hard she went down, again. The battle kept raging on without her, and Babe` decided to use her prone rival as a seat, so she wouldn't have to stand while casting. Babe` sat on Fukno's head and began rolling a ball of lightning up and down the corridors of the hive, zapping larva as she went. Eventually all of the larva and bees in this section of the hive were dead. They built a wall of corpses and barricaded themselves in to rest for an hour so that they could revive Fukno.
When they were finally done resting, they torn down the corpse wall they'd created and headed down the tunnel. After just a few feet they reached a sheer drop off, with tons of larva milling about below them, and an enormous bee towering above them- the queen. Fukno yelled out one of her confusing insults, bewildering several larva to death, and earning the anger of the queen. The stinger was bigger than their bodies, and it came jutting in the hole, going straight for Fukno; instead, it got stuck in the top of the tunnel they were in.
Jak grabbed hold of the stinger and began climbing the bee, while Etchu, Ooglie, and Dooglie began attacking her. Babe` deployed a ball of lightning into the pit and began rolling it over the larva; she seemed to have found a favorite method for killing them. "Hey queen! You're fat and ugly and no one will ever love you! Except that moth that you had to fuck to make these babies," Fukno shouted at her. The bard had gotten the queen's attention and she grabbed Fukno and bit into her. The movement allowed the others to make strikes against her; and she flew up out of reach of the tunnel, with Fukno in her mouth and Jak climbing her.
Ooglie shot at the queen, but hit poor Fukno instead, right before the queen bit her in half. Fukno was dead. Jak managed to get the killing blow on the queen, and several more larva died as her corpse slammed into them.
They found some equipment on the corpses in the area, with Babe` claiming boots that don't get dirty and a hat that can change its appearance to match any outfit. Now that Fukno was out of the way, she no longer had anyone to compete with for most beautiful goblin. Jak found a ring with a sentience in it that told him it could teach him to be a wizard; he also found a Wand of Wonder.
Jak pointed the Wand at Babe` and struck her with a lightning bolt; her familiar, Azza, rode the bolt back to Jak and began electrocuting him, until Jak killed him. Etchu was able to stabilize Babe` to prevent her from dying. Jak then shrunk himself, and turned Ooglie to stone... then he turned Etchu blue, shot a stream of gems at her, and a globe of darkness bloomed from his wand.
When Ooglie was revived, Jak pointed the wand at Babe`, shrinking himself again. Ooglie leapt at Jak and wrestled the wand from his hand. They resumed tossing bags of gear out of the hive to bring back to the village, when they decided to toss the larva corpses out too. Ooglie and Etchu attempted to use the corpses to cushion them as they jumped out of the hive, but missed the bodies and landed hard on the ground. While Ooglie was distracted, Jak stole the wand back from him.
The wand back in Jak's possession, he pointed it at Etchu and cast a spell to make her consider him her friend. When the spell ended Etchu and Jak began to argue; Jak responded by using the wand again, and a fireball bloomed out of it, killing Babe` and Dooglie. At that Etchu raised her axe, to which Jak responded by using the wand, causing him to shrink. Etchu chopped off the hand Jak was using to hold the wand, and as his hand rolled away, the wand went off several times. First the hand turned invisible, then leaves sprouted from Babe`'s corpse, it started pouring rain, and another fireball bloomed- removing any chance of saving Babe` and Dooglie. Etchu and Ooglie went down from the explosion, but Jak was able to stabilize and revive them.
As the three of them made their way back to the village, they saw a group of orcs approaching; Jak slowed them and the group bolted. A little while later, a young goblin lass came running out from the bushes yelling "scorpion!" The massive scorpion emerged behind her, stung her, and she seemed to melt. Ooglie shot at it, and Etchu stabbed as Yevve emerged from the bushes and unleashed a handful of magic missiles at it; the lass who'd just died was Yevve's apprentice. They killed it quickly, and Jak tried to harvest parts from it, failing miserably.
Exhausted and badly beaten, the group drug themselves back to their village. Ooglie told the sentries that were guarding their home that Jak would kill everyone with the Wand of Wonder. Grandma, the wise woman, believed him and decided to castrate Jak. Somehow Jak convinced her that she shouldn't do that to him, because he thought he was best choice to lead the tribe.
Grandma healed up Ooglie, giving him scales in the process, Jak got bunny ears from her healing, and Etchu got warts. Jak popped one of the warts, and Yevve decided that the pus looked yummy, so she licked it- and got mouth warts. Yevve dispelled the warts on herself and Etchu. They decided in the morning they would go to the road to try to ambush travelers and steal their shit.
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