Tales from Toril- The Adventures of Critical Bumbersnoot: the Odd Company: A Yawning Portal Novella, Chapter Nine

Troublesome Travels

Dramatis Personae:

Winry Steamgear, the Rock Gnome Alchemist Artificer

"Critical" Bumbersnoot, Winry's Dachshund Mechanimal Construct

Mara Quinn, the Water Genasi Werewolf Sea Sorceress

Steve, Quinn's Octopus familiar

Oskar Heartforge, the Shield Dwarf Werewolf Priest of Moradin

Jak Foostus, the Minotaur Monk
Carmina, the Human Woman-at-arms
Amara, the Human Noble
Sylvia, the Human Handmaiden
Gil, the Human Farm Boy 

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Winry's perspective, anything in italics is from a third party view, since the artificer can't be everywhere at once. 

***** Tarsakh 22, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), somewhere in the Crags

       All of the damn oxen were killed by the giants, so Jak and Oskar had to pull the carts for us. The only person from the farm that was still alive was the boy- Gil, and after a little while he helped with the carts too. He'd lost his Uncle Fred in the fight with the giants, who was the only person he had left in the world; the rest of his family was killed when the giants first attacked his little community.

       It was pretty late by the time we got back, and as we approached we heard shouts. I could make out calls of movement in the dark, before they realized it was us. A huge crowd gathered around us, asking what had happened- apparently the guy who had run away during the fight, made it back here in record time and told everyone we were all slaughtered- so not only did he abandon us, but he ensured no one would go out to try to find and help us.

       The coward in question- Joe- started trying to slink away from us as the others repeated what he'd said, but Oskar saw him and grabbed him before he could get away. The moment Gil found him in the crowd, he snarled in rage and began to run at him, but Jak grabbed him before he could reach Joe. Oskar had two of the villagers grab Joe, while Jak pinned Gil for the next few minutes to calm him down. Once Gil was calmer, Oskar and I went with the villagers who had Joe, and we took him to the little shed he, Gil, and Gil's uncle had been living in. Oskar paid them to guard the place and I set some alarms so he couldn't escape unnoticed.

       In the middle of the night, Wave and the hammer of warning woke us up again, for the second night in a row, and again there was nothing there. I was getting really fucking tired of this nonsense.

***** Tarsakh 23, farming village in the Crags

      In the morning, Oskar asked Gil if he wanted Joe to undergo trial by combat, but after thinking about it for a bit, Gil decided he wanted Joe's punishment to be a lot longer lasting than that. He decided that Joe should revive the entire farm by himself; which is a hella worse punishment than Oskar's idea had been.

       We packed ourselves up and hit the road not long after that. Gil came with us, he didn't really have anything left there, and couldn't stand the thought of sticking around. We were about 7 1/2 miles from River Mirar, which we could take to Luskan.

       After about 3 hours, we spotted the river in the distance, along with some sort of outpost. There was a barge there, several guards wearing the insignia for Mirabar. When we arrived, there was a dwarf at the gate, and were allowed entrance to Mirabar's outpost. The girls all tried to hide themselves in the cowls of their cloaks, just in case any of the men hunting them were there. The last thing we needed was for them to get recognized here. We split up to find out how to gain passage on the barge.

       Jak and I went to look for any merchants, Oskar went to find the quartermaster, Carmina and Amara hit the tavern, and Sylvia and Gil stayed at the wagon with our stuff; we did have some hella expensive gear in there. Jak and I were redirected to the inn where Quartermaster Jenkins was.

       We reached the inn at about the same time that Carmina and Amara walked out, looking nervous. The men chasing them were here. Oskar had been told we couldn't get on the barge until tomorrow, so Jak and I went to bribe the asshole so we could leave on the barge that was about to head out. Quinn had taken a shine to the broken down barge at the docks, and managed to convince the owner, a guy named Steve, that agreed to take us to Luskan in his junk heap, if Quinn fixed it first.

       We hurried to the barge, with Quinn telling us they'd meet us on the other side of the river after she fixed Steve's busted boat. As we hurried to get to the barge in time, the men who were chasing the girls came out and hollered to tell people to stop us- but they were too late. It took about an hour to get across the river, and about an hour after that we found Quinn and set sail for Luskan.

       About three hours later Oskar spotted large carrion birds in the distance, in the direction we were traveling. Jak decided to go check it out, and came back to tell us he'd found a bunch of dead frost giants and humans. We decided to go check it all out together, and gave Steve a bottle of something to occupy himself while we were gone.

       Jak and Oskar set to cutting off the giant toes, while I began identifying the magic on their skins and swords, and Quinn began gathering everything into a bundle to bring back with us. I'd just finished identifying the swords, but I couldn't quite tell what magic was in them, when we heard howls and hoof beats.

       We saw a group of wolves and humans coming at us, Quinn squealed and dropped everything she'd gathered. Then the riders looking for the girls showed up. We were boxed in- barbarians and wolves to our left, humans on horses to our right- and our only hope was to get back to the barge before they converged on us, and that was a hella slim hope. I shrunk Quinn to put her on Bumbersnoot, since she was slowest, gave Gil and Amara expeditious retreat rabbits, and gave Sylvia a hummingbird to drink to boost her speed. Unfortunately I couldn't do anything for Carmina, four people was kinda my limit at the moment.

       Amara yelled at Oskar to do something, so he summoned his spirit weapon and hit a barbarian. As he did, I noticed some of the barbarians were engaging the soldiers. Carmina stabbed one of the barbarians; I had Bumbersnoot trip one, I shot it with NATAS, and we ran to catch up to Amara and Sylvia- we would be sticking near them until they were safely on the ship, I hoped keeping us between the girls and our assailants would provide a decent target to divert attention from them. Quinn bitched that this isn't how you're supposed to run away, but those girls were the entire reason we were running, and protecting them was important. Jak began beating the shit out of a wolf, finishing it off with some encouragement from Amara.

       The riders reached Oskar and Carmina then, and began helping fend off the barbarians. Oskar's spirit guardians killed a wolf, and his weapon another. I shot one of the barbarians, and suddenly NATAS announced in my head that she was at 75% functionality, the charged plasma bolt was available, and think F1 for manual. The battle raged on- with Quinn randomly attempting some mental attack on me- we were slowly falling back to the barge, keeping the barbarians at bay with help from the soldiers, who put themselves between the barbarians and us.

       I decided to try that charged plasma bolt, and I managed to kill three of the four barbarians I hit with it. Then an alarm went off in my head and NATAS announced she'd overheated. Hopefully when she gets more functionality she'll stop overheating all the gods damned time. We were so close to the barge at this point, almost free. Quinn used that chaos bolt of hers, and hit Gil, Bumbersnoot, and I with acid bubbles. She's way too fucking reckless.

       Gil set a sleet storm on a group of barbarians and jumped on the barge. Jak charged the wolves trying to surround Oskar, killing two in a single blow, then finishing off the third with a nasty punch. Oskar, now free of wolves, grabbed Carmina and began flying to the ship. Steve the captain had passed out, so I had Bumbersnoot jump onto the barge so Quinn could prepare us to leave as soon as everyone was on. One of the soldiers yelled at us to "protect the-" but died before he could finish his statement. Obviously one or all of those girls is noble in some way. Amara and Sylvia made it onto the barge, and Amara said we should try to wait for those soldiers. Quinn couldn't reach the soldiers with water walk, so she cast off anyway. We all sailed off, leaving those poor soldiers behind like fodder.

       Oskar demanded an explanation from the girls, which they gave to him alone, and he refused to tell anyone else.

***** Tarsakh 26, Luskan

       We reached Luskan unmolested, in record time, according to Quinn. Every single fucking night, right in the middle of the night, Wave and my hammer would wake us up to warn us of danger, when there was nothing present. I was getting hella sick of that shit. Wave's constant singing was also really grating on my nerves.

       We were charged 100 gold for a trade permit, and taxed another 3600 for all of our magic gear. Captain Steve wasn't allowed in Luskan, apparently the drunkard had caused trouble before- it's got to be a fuck ton of trouble to be booted from fucking Luskan.

       We went to One-Eyed Jax Inn, it was the most defensible, and debated our options for our next move. The girls were thinking we needed to head south next to Baldur's Gate, which is close enough to home for me that I could get us decent protection if we headed to the Friendly Arm Inn from there. We still needed to hit Neverwinter to turn in those stupid items- especially Wave- and get paid; and we needed to hit Waterdeep to give Jackass his balls. But getting the girls to safety was more important than that, we could always do that once they were safe.

       We got three merchant class rooms, and put the girls in the middle, with Oskar and I in one end room, and Quinn, Jak, and Gil in the other- to get maximum distance on our weapons of warning. I put alarms on the girl's windows and door, to make sure no one could get in except us.

       Again we were woken up in the middle of the fucking night. Oskar thinks it's got something to do with the girls- since this started after we met them. I planned to have detect magic on tomorrow night at this time, and watch the girl's room, to see if I see anything. Oskar was going to have detect evil up to see if that showed us anything either.

***** Tarsakh 27, One-Eyed Jax, Luskan

       In the morning there was an envelope in the girl's room from the Coldfire Initiative, saying that we could turn in our weapons to the man at the bar. Oskar and Jak were more than willing to give up their weapons, but Quinn was a bit more difficult. By a bit more, I mean we had to yell at her, remind her she'd signed a contract, and then Oskar and Jak had to carry Quinn in. The stupid trident told me it knows the location of Lantan. Big fucking deal, it's on the map. I hate that stupid trident.

       Whelm kept returning to Oskar's hand when he placed it in the box the innkeep presented for them to put their weapons in. After a few tries, Oskar dumped some ale on the hammer, and he begrudgingly stayed in the box. Blackrazor had a very loud tantrum when Jak put him in the box, it was hella funny. All that was left was Wave... which we literally forced out of Quinn's hands. We were each handed a bag of money and a box. Once the innkeep locked the box with the weapons in it, all of our boxes unlocked- except for Quinn's.

       Jak got some rings that help him do more damage or something. Oskar got a dwarven thrower. I got lenses the size of Bumbersnoot's eye lenses, which would function like a lantern of revealing when installed, and I got the lightning components for a javelin of lightning... THIS IS GOING TO BE HELLA COOL!!!! I couldn't wait to get Bumbersnoot's new upgrades installed! At about this point, Quinn said her box hadn't opened yet, and the innkeep banged on the lid of the box he was carrying, winked at her, and the box opened. A sea shanty filled the air... fucking Wave was fucking back! I hate that annoying trident.

       We all went shopping... except for Quinn, who had to go preach at the docks to appease her stupid trident.

       When we got back, there was another message from the Coldfire Initiative, saying they'd booked us passage to Baldur's Gate, with a layover in Waterdeep, leaving at 12 tomorrow. I was a bit creeped out.

       That night, shortly before the exact middle of the night, Oskar and I got up and cast our planned spells. I watched the girl's room, and detected absolutely no magic from there when the moment passed. Oskar said he got a tiny blip of evil, but couldn't determine exactly where or what it was.

This map is by Wizards of the Coast

Tales from Toril- The Adventures of Critical Bumbersnoot: the Odd Company: A Yawning Portal Novella, Chapter Eight

A Giant Problem

Dramatis Personae:

Winry Steamgear, the Rock Gnome Alchemist Artificer

"Critical" Bumbersnoot, Winry's Dachshund Mechanimal Construct

Mara Quinn, the Water Genasi Werewolf Sea Sorceress

Steve, Quinn's Octopus familiar

Oskar Heartforge, the Shield Dwarf Werewolf Priest of Moradin

Jak Foostus, the Minotaur Monk
Carmina, the Human Woman-at-arms
Amara, the Human Noble
Sylvia, the Human Handmaiden

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Winry's perspective, anything in italics is from a third party view, since the artificer can't be everywhere at once. 

***** Tarsakh 21, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), somewhere in the Crags

       In the morning Oskar was spazzing out about "falling" up- the sight of the sky was terrifying him for some weird ass reason.

       Over breakfast we tried to get more information from the girls about who they were- Oskar thought one of them was a princess or something- but Amara insisted that she wasn't and that she didn't know why they were being hunted. She seemed pretty honest about it, and we decided to help them get to Luskan.

       We noticed as we prepared to head out that there were about five carrion birds circling something on the hill we were getting ready to climb. When we drew closer we could tell they were circling a large boulder, and some of them seemed to be going for something just on the other side of it. Eventually we arrived at the scene and found the remains of a humanoid that had been crushed under the boulder. Oskar said the boulder was worked stone and was definitely not natural to this area, and wandered away to investigate. Jak noticed a stick under the boulder, that should be been crushed, so we figured it was probably magic. Carmina dug it out and I figured out what it was. By the time I was done, Oskar had returned and told us that a hill giant had killed this guy. The tracks left by the hill giant were in the direction we needed to travel anyway, so we continued on our path, keeping a sharp eye out for more giants.

       Eventually we came to a trashed area that the giants probably used for garbage. Somehow we were able to pick out the correct tracks for them, and we continued on. About five hours later, we saw smoke in the distance and figured we should check it out. An hour or so after that we found a small farming community, or what was left of it anyway.

       Several of the buildings had been reduced to smoldering ruins. We saw a little white figure go running out of a building, and a boulder followed it. The goat cried out in pain as a giant retrieved it. We had to go deal with those, so we decided to leave the girls in the treeline while we went out to battle. Stealth was not an option thanks to Whelm, who unleashed a war cry as we started forward. Two giants ran out of a building, and the heads of three others appeared out of holes in the ceiling of a building. Quinn climbed on Jak's back and sent out a chaos bolt, just as a boulder missed them. A horn sounded from somewhere in the tiny village- Oskar called out that more giants were coming as he hurled Whelm at one of them.

       I pulled a hummingbird out of my alchemy satchel and handed it to Oskar- it was my newer concoction that helped someone move faster- then had Bumbersnoot surge us forward. A boulder narrowing missed Bumbersnoot and I. Fucking giants. Then another boulder smacked into me from a different direction. We kept inching our way forward, I attempted to hit one with my crossbow, since that was the only thing I could use at this distance, and missed completely. I saw another rock smack into Jak, but he barely seemed to notice it as he charged right into them, knocking a giant over. Quinn misty stepped off of him, and got hit by a rock from another giant- she was now the closest target, so of course they would concentrate their fire on her.

       I decided to try the semi-auto mode on my weird gun, and hit once before it shorted out on me, a warning ringing through my head that it overheated. Apparently the disembodied voice in my head was that gun, NATAS. Jak was flanked by two giants now, and they were dishing out some nasty blows; of course he returned the favor. A rock smacked hella hard into me, my vision doubled briefly after that hit, and I felt a little woozy. As I took aim with my stupid crossbow, since NATAS had overheated- again- and missed. I don't know why I even keep that stupid thing around, apparently crossbows are worthless for me. Another fucking rock smacked me.

       Jak was still getting a serious beating from those giants- and giving one in the process. I saw Oskar's spirit weapon appear and smack a different giant, and Whelm followed- then Oskar took a boulder to the face for his efforts. I was trying to get some of the heat off of Jak, so I shot one of the giants he had been fighting. Quinn- who had been blinking this entire time, and not actually doing anything- was hit by two rocks when she reappeared. She hit one with ice bolts before vanishing again.

       Jak killed one of the giants on him, as Bumbersnoot and I approached to help him... that was a bad fucking idea. Bumbersnoot bit the giant, and attempted to trip it, and instead it flicked him off of it and stepped on us. I sent a beetle at it, and it fucking deflected it right back at me. Then Bumbersnoot was hit by a boulder. I fucking hate giants. Quinn reappeared and sent another icy spell at a giant before vanishing again. Jak began beating on the other giant by him, and I felt my flesh knit together as Oskar healed me. I shot the giant with NATAS and killed it with my daring sir; I really do love my daring sir.

       Quinn reappeared, got hit by a rock, and blinked out again. She really wasn't being terribly useful in this fight. Jak charged toward the other giants, and Oskar ran into one of the buildings. He reappeared a moment later, as a giant with a huge flail came at him; another followed with a belly flop at him, that also missed badly. I shot the giant with the flail, since it seemed to be the bigger threat to Oskar at the moment.

       Another giant ran right up to be and hit me hella hard- I saw stars for a second. Amara shouted encouragement at me, and I felt better somehow... interesting. An icy spell shot past the giant in front of me, and I heard Quinn squeak in annoyance as her blink didn't work. Jak charged the giant on me, and failed to trip it- it was his turn to get stomped on like Bumbersnoot had been earlier.

       Oskar's spirit weapon vanished and his guardians activated, killing the giant who'd attempted to belly flop on him. Another giant missed Oskar and attempted to run from him, but the dwarf killed it.

       Bumbersnoot bit the giant looming over us, but didn't try to trip it- we'd learned that lesson- and I shot it with my daring sir.  There were only two giants left at this point. The one in front of me and the one with the flail. Quinn hit the giant in front of me and Jak pounded on it. I healed Bumbersnoot and Critical Bumbersnoot savagely ripped into the giant's leg. Quinn's chaos spell and Jak finished it off.

       The one with the flail ran from Oskar, and when he pursued the giant jumped on the roof of one of the few intact buildings. It hit Oskar and his spirit guardians vanished. Quinn used her chaos spell, and Jak charged the building the giant was on- hoping the make the roof cave in, I think. Oskar flew up to the giant, and it wrapped the flail around him, and yanked him into Jak. It got a couple of good hits in before the building collapsed. Quinn finished it off with her chaos spell.

       After searching the farm, we decided to rest there for the night.

       I finished up the new feet I've been working on for Bumbersnoot, so now he's faster, he can climb, and he can swim. I'm a little closer to my goal of making him an all terrain puppy.

***** Tarsakh 22, farming village in the Crags

       In the morning we headed out, and eventually came upon another farming town. A warning shot was fired at Oskar's feet as we approached, and after a brief exchange with the guards, they agreed to speak with us, as long as we left our weapons behind. Oskar, Carmina, Amara, and I went to them, everyone else stayed back with the wagon we'd taken from the destroyed village. The guards told us that the giants had been systematically wiping out all of the other villages in the area, and that the wagons full of provisions we'd found at the other farm were all that was left of their harvest. This was the only village left that hadn't been touched, and they were afraid they wouldn't survive much longer. We offered to escort them back to the other farm to get the remaining provisions that had been left behind. They said we hadn't killed all of the giants, there had been a lot more sighted than what we'd seen thus far.

       We got to the other farm with no issues, and got everything loaded up without being attacked. Unfortunately, our luck ran out on the way back to the farmstead. During our journey back, a dark cloud began moving toward us, and we were suddenly enveloped in fog. I could barely make out Bumbersnoot, and I could only make out vague shapes of the others around us. This didn't sound good. Suddenly, I was hit by something big and hella heavy, and it fucking hurt.

       Oskar tried to fly above the fog, but was also struck by the rock that hit Winry and killed three of the oxen. Quinn attempted to destroy to water in the fog, but it only lasted a couple of seconds before the fog filled back in. Another boulder struck Carmina and Sylvia- Sylvia went down, but Amara quickly revived her- another oxen was smashed as well. 

       Suddenly a fucking net with fucking weights on it landed on Bumbersnoot and I. I began hacking at the stupid thing, and Bumbersnoot tried to help, but he bit me instead. I seriously despise nets. Then a fucking boulder ran over us, hurting us hella bad. I cut at the net again, but I don't think I actually did any good. I told Bumbersnoot not to help, his attempts to help with nets always end up working badly for me.

       Oskar found Sylvia and healed her, then instructed Amara and Carmina to protect her. He flew back into the air, but couldn't get out of the fog. Jak ran out of the fog and found a giant to beat up. Quinn attempted to cast haste on herself, but set herself on fire instead; her second attempt to do so made every small thing near her begin shaking. Jak was thrown by the giant he found. 

       The fog vanished and we discovered there were three hill giants, two stone giants, and one frost giant attacking us. And I'm trapped in a fucking net. Fanfuckingtastic.

       One of the villagers was mashed into paste by a boulder from one of the giants. Another one had a broken leg, so his nephew picked up a bow and attempted to defend him; another man ran in terror instead of even attempting to fight or protect those with the group. Jak charged the frost giant, but it sidestepped him. Quinn had reappeared from blinking out, and attempted to twin ice bolt, but one fizzled out in a shower of golden sparks, the other worked and a group of lizards appeared at her feet. Then Quinn used the lightning bolt on her Neptunian Trident and vanished again. The giant she'd hit was pissed- especially since she'd vanished right after injuring him, so he picked up Jak and threw him right into Oskar. 

       The three girls were trying to take shelter in some bushes, but Amara picked up a bow and started firing at one of the giants. The frost giant raised its ax and a series of runes lit up on it as a cone of cold was cast. 

       Bumbersnoot and I were hit by a cold spell, and I was  severely injured, if I didn't get out of this net soon I would probably die. I used my modest healing magic to keep myself alive, and used my quickrazor to attempt to get out of the net. Since I was in such bad shape, I had Bumbersnoot bite at the net again- he missed, but at least he didn't hit me this time. I was beyond relieved when Jak appeared and freed us from that stupid net. I'm so setting that thing on fucking fire.

       Oskar killed one of the giants near him, then yelled out, with Whelm's aid, a nasty insult at the giants in their tongue, all but the frost giant turned toward the priest in anger. The giants started throwing oxen at the dwarf... and managed to hit him once. 

       Quinn appeared and stabbed at one giant, misty stepped away from it, and used her chaos spell on two of the giants before vanishing again. I had Bumbersnoot run the fuck out of melee with these giants, healing him as we went. I saw Oskar hit the frost giant right in the face with his hammer. A stone giant narrowly missed hitting me with a rock- thank gods, it might have killed me.

       Amara sunk an arrow into the frost giant. A hill giant went for Jak, attempting a belly flop, and missing horribly. Jak responded by stabbing the crap out of it with Blackrazor. 

       Quinn reappeared again, cast something at the stone giant near me, and in the process blinded both Bumbersnoot and I. These random things that keep happening when she casts spells are getting hella annoying. Something hit poor Bumbersnoot, but thanks to Quinn we couldn't see what and couldn't defend ourselves. We turned around and bolted, hoping that we were going away from the fight. I hated having to do that, but I didn't see any other option, if we'd stayed put at least one of us would have died. Bumbersnoot and I took a few moments to breathe and heal before turning back to rejoin the fray.

       When Bumbersnoot and I got back, the farmer boy was killing the last stone giant, and Oskar had banished the frost giant. We had about thirty seconds to prep before it came back. As soon as it reappeared, an arrow sank deep into its chest- Amara killed it.