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Monday, August 14, 2017

Tales from Toril- The Adventures of Critical Bumbersnoot: the Odd Company: A Yawning Portal Novella, Chapter Three

Facehugging Spider-Scorpions

Dramatis Personae:
Winry Steamgear, the Rock Gnome Alchemist Artificer
Bumbersnoot, Winry's Dachshund Mechanimal Construct
Mara Quinn, the Water Genasi Sea Sorceress
Steve, Quinn's Octopus familiar
Oskar Heartforge, the Shield Dwarf Werewolf Priest of Moradin
Jak Foostus, the Minotaur Monk

NOTE: Things will be mostly from Winry's perspective, anything in italics is from a third party view, since the artificer can't be everywhere at once. 

***** Tarsakh 16, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), White Plume Mountain

       I was checking out the odd panels in the room, with my trusty screwdriver and wrench in hand, when Jak found what appeared to be a door, and it was jammed or something. I spent a few minutes going over that door, trying to figure out how to make it open- and it was beyond my knowledge. Now I really need to take this place apart- I need to understand everything about it.

       There was a hole above the door that was just big enough for us to fit through, so I sent Quinn up with my lift so Bumbersnoot and I could get up. Once up there I collected my lift and Bumbersnoot squeezed us through the opening with surprising ease... I was so preoccupied with the treasure I'd stumbled upon that I forgot Oskar hadn't come up yet. The dwarf had to jump up, and he didn't seem to have any trouble getting up there.

       On the other side of the door was a rather barren room, with some nets hanging down. Oskar said this was likely a transport craft of some sort, but it wasn't like any transport craft I'd ever seen. And how in the Hells did it merge with the mountain? This is hella weird. I need to learn its secrets. I found a panel in the room, but the screws were different than any I'd ever seen before, so I had to improvise to get the thing open. I expected gears or something to be on the other side of it, but all there was was some hella weird tubing and more of those weird screws.

       While I was tinkering with the panel, Oskar found the way into the next room- which was a workroom! There were tools and supplies everywhere and I gathered it all up. I found some odd cording that seemed surprisingly sturdy- I think it might be a weird ass rope. There were lots of tools I was familiar with, and they had these cute little cases! I also took a bunch of the weird things there, because you never know when you'll need some weird ass thing. I like to be prepared for any mechanical emergency at all times.

       When I finished raiding the workroom- it was totally abandoned, it's not stealing!- I saw Oskar and Jak had wandered into a new room, and Quinn had found a weird closet. Quinn and I went in the closet to check it out, and I found another panel. Under this one was a lever- and I figured it probably wasn't dangerous, because why would they have a dangerous closet in the workroom? So, thinking that Quinn, Bumbersnoot, and I would be perfectly safe, I pulled the lever.

       The door slammed shut and we started going down. It was like a closet version of my lift kinda. After a few seconds we stopped moving, and the lever moved back to its original position. The door wiggled a little bit, but wouldn't open. I found the lever that I thought should open the door, but it only opened a few inches, and we were greeted with some yucky goo. "It looks like something big sneezed in here," Quinn said, "let's shut the door." The problem was the snot goo wouldn't let us shut the door. I yanked on the lever to try to get the door shut, but nothing happened. I noticed a hatch on the ceiling of the moving closet, and had Quinn go up there to check it out.

       On top of the elevator, Quinn was hit by an unseen foe- a facehugger- and instantly fell unconscious. 

       I set up my lift system to try to force the door shut, and just as I was finishing some thing came at me from above and latched onto my face. Bumbersnoot bit at the thing, trying to free me, but he couldn't get it off me. I felt it pry my mouth open, and tumbled into the darkness of unconsciousness.

       Another facehugger dropped into the elevator, only to discover Bumbersnoot wasn't organic. The Mechanimal killed it instantly and turned to help his mistress. Bumbersnoot grabbed at the facehugger again... and pulled so hard on it that he broke Winry's neck. 

       Jak, looking for Winry and Quinn, jumped down the elevator shaft, landing completely on top of Quinn's unconscious body. Jak yanked the facehugger off of Quinn as Oskar jumped down the shaft to join him. Seeing that Jak was taking care of Quinn, Oskar jumped into the elevator to check on Winry, just as Bumbersnoot ripped the facehugger off of his fallen mistress; Oskar revived her. 

       Up above, Jak slapped Quinn awake, which made her react by trying to give him fleas- turns out he's a very well groomed bovine. 

       I came to to Oskar standing over me, I'm not sure what happened, but the thing that had attached to my face was dead- with teeth marks in it distinct to Bumbersnoot. Of course he killed it, he's such a good puppy. Now that I could see it, it looked like a spider-scorpion, it had six legs, with a scorpion-like tail, and its body seemed to be a kind of cross between the two. I don't know what that fucking thing is, but it's gross and hella creepy. Bumbersnoot's breath was hella nasty after biting two of the spider-scorpions, so I told him to clean his mouth... he flushed some water out through his mouth, and some of his teeth came out with it. Those things had hurt my baby!

       Oskar managed to get the door shut in the moving closet, so I pulled the lever again, and the closet moved a little before getting stuck. We were a little annoyed by this stupid thing now, so we decided to just climb out. Jak tossed his grappling hook up to the door we'd originally come through, and both he and Quinn climbed out. I had Oskar set up my lift to get Bumbersnoot and I out of the closet, and then I sent him up with it so he could set it up for us to get out of the... closet shaft?

       After the encounter with the spider-scorpions we were all in need of a rest- apparently the boys had fought a couple on their own while Quinn and I were playing in the moving closet. We retreated to the workroom, and I found a lever in there that shut the door, so we'd hopefully be safe from anymore spider-scorpions. Quinn used her mending spell to help me fix up poor Bumbersnoot's mouth. I really like that spell, I need to figure out how to cast it.

       Once we were well rested, Oskar and Jak took us to the room they'd been in when Quinn and I were in the closet, and Oskar mined- yes, mined- some of the snot goo that had gotten crusty off of a panel so I could tinker with it. The boys went to the next room while I looked over the unfamiliar equipment in front of me. I honestly couldn't make heads or tails of what was in front of me, but there was something on the inside of the panel that looked like it might be schematics or something. I sat down to sketch it out, since it wasn't put on any parchment that I could just take a charcoal copy of, and noticed a peculiar crystal sticking out of the panel.

       I tried to push it and nothing happened- I got the same result from pulling. Then I decided to twist it really hard... and twisted it too hard- it snapped off in my hand. I pleaded with Quinn to have her fix it for me, and of course she did- I really need to get my hands on that spell. After close examination of the crystal, once Quinn had fixed it for me, I came to the conclusion that it was a spell  stone... until Quinn cast shocking grasp into it and it exploded. Hopefully there's more of them here so I can study them- without Quinn breaking them this time, now that we know lightning = bad.

       The boys didn't find anything useful in the room they were in, and there didn't seem to be really anywhere else for us to go, so we returned to the moving closet. The boys went down first, and in the time it took me to get down there with my lift, and for Quinn to get herself down after grabbing my lift, they had gotten the snotty door open and had been attacked by more spider-scorpions. Those two just can't stay out of trouble.

      Once we'd regrouped we turned to investigate the hallway in front of us- and got jumped by two more of those fucking spider-scorpions and a slender, wingless, bipedal, black dragon thingy. I guess the stories Jackass had heard were true- and not something manufactured by Volo, as he'd suspected. The spider-scorpions were attacking the boys, and the dragon thing was attacking Quinn. I heard Quinn utter the command word for her chaotic bolt spell, but it hit the ceiling instead of the dragon thing. I sent an acid beetle at the dragon thing, but it dodged the beetle.

       The dragon thing made a sweeping attack with its tail, hitting both Quinn and I. Then another one of those fucking spider-scorpions hit me! I struggled with it until eventually I felt myself slip unconscious again.

       As Jak and Oskar struggled with the facehuggers, the xenomorph grabbed Quinn and ran off. Jak had ripped his facehugger to shreds, and struggled with the one on Winry; when he couldn't get it off of the gnome, he took off after Quinn instead. Oskar pried the facehugger off of  himself and set his spiritual weapon on the one attached to Winry. Bumbersnoot struggled to free his mistress, and was unsuccessful. Eventually Oskar freed Winry and revived her.

       The xenomorph rendered Quinn unconscious as it continued moving her. Jak, pursuing Quinn, found himself in a room filled with hatching eggs, and found himself surrounded. 

       I opened my eyes to Oskar standing over me- again- retracting his hand from the healing he had given me. Quinn and Jak were nowhere to be seen, apparently Quinn had been taken by the dragon thing and Jak went after her. I followed Oskar, since he seemed to know the way we needed to go. As we moved three more fucking spider-scorpions jumped out of the fucking vents at me!!! The fucking thing attached to my fucking face again and I was knocked out again. While I was out, Oskar killed all of the spider-scorpions.

       Oskar activated his spirit guardians before we continued on, and it took out the spider-scorpions before they could even reach us. Eventually we found Jak. We were searching desperately trying to find our missing friend, but she was nowhere to be found. During our search we can upon a room filled with eggs- I set it on fire. Fuck you spider-scorpions! Then we came to a point where Oskar's guardians couldn't get in, or something, he wasn't terribly clear on it, he just kinda muttered it. It was somewhat safe to assume that that was where we needed to look for Quinn.

       The door to the room his magic couldn't penetrate was closed, so I hurried to try to help him get it open. He mined some of the chitin, or as I call it dried snot, off of the wall about where the panel should be and I began working to open it. Jak decided to bait the spider-scorpions to get them into Oskar's protective radius to kill them. I think he was bored. I got the panel opened up pretty quickly, since I'd gotten used to prying them open by now, and found two levers. Oskar immediately began pumping one of them to try to open the door, and I grabbed the other one and pulled really hard.

       The door slammed open to reveal the dragon thing holding Wave- Quinn's trident- and Quinn was slumped over in the corner of the room, unconscious. I recognized the force field around them as the Cube of Force Wave had used to get us up here. Fanfuckingtastic. I really hope she's not dead- or at least not dead enough for Oskar to bring her back. Before we had time to react to the scene before us, three more of those fucking dragon things appeared and all went for Oskar.

       We could hear something banging around in the air ducts above us- probably more fucking spider-scorpions. Jak began beating one of the dragon things on Oskar, and I stepped in to help, by stabbing it. Bumbersnoot tried to bite it, but it was just a little too fast for my puppers and he ended up snapping at the empty air instead. Oskar's spirit hammer finished off that dragon thing, just as another one grabbed him; then two more of the fucking dragon things appeared. This entire area was swarming with them and it fucking sucked. I hope one of them knocks Jackass around a bit when he opens the stasis ball containing it; granted, we haven't caught one yet, but I think we will.

       It was a grueling battle for the four of us against these dragon things, made especially worse because we didn't have Quinn. There was a constant back and forth with them, which was getting increasingly difficult to fight as they whittled us down. One of the spider-scorpions managed to get Jak down, and the dragon thing started dragging him toward the vents, but we couldn't get to him, we had other dragon things in our faces. Bumbersnoot grabbed onto one that was attacking the two of us and tripped it, I stabbed it, and Oskar finished it off.

       There was nothing I could do to help Jak, Bumbersnoot and I can't climb around in the vents, and even if I somehow fit Bumbersnoot in the vent, there's no way in any of the Nine Hells it would be able to hold his massive 600 pounds. Since I couldn't help Jak, I went up to the cube to see if I could get to Quinn- and I was able to pass through it and revive my friend.

       Bumbersnoot alerted me that Oskar was in trouble with a tinny growl. We came around the corner to see three of the dragon things attacking him- and one was hella bigger than the others had been. Bumbersnoot charged the dragon thing that was holding Oskar, and tripped it, freeing Oskar. Oskar tossed his grappling hook up to the vents to go after Jak, while Bumbersnoot and I tried to keep the dragon things occupied. I slashed my scimitar at them and Bumbersnoot was snapping at them and trying to trip them. Getting them prone for even a moment could be hella beneficial to us. Unfortunately the dragon thing that Bumbersnoot had originally knocked down when we came to Oskar's aid was determined to capture the dwarf. It grabbed him again, and hurt him enough to knock him unconscious, dragging him away.

       I was not letting that thing take Oskar. Bumbersnoot ran to Oskar and I revived him as soon as I could reach him. Critical Bumbersnoot killed that one! He's such a good puppy. I noticed that Quinn was coherent enough to help- thank Glittergold- and she sent chaotic spell at two of them. At this point there were still two of the dragon things up. The big one took a swipe at me, thankfully missing me, and Bumbersnoot snapped his metal jaws at it, but it  moved and his jaws caught nothing but open air. I couldn't use my fire at such close range without risking hurting Bumbersnoot or myself, and my acid didn't seem to do anything to them, so I just used my quickrazor, which missed. Bumbersnoot bit it though and managed to knock it down again.

       Quinn doubled her chaotic dart spell and killed one of them, leaving only the big one that Bumbersnoot and I were dealing with. By now Oskar had secured his grapple and started climbing up to the vent to find Jak. The big dragon thing got off the ground and bolted right for Oskar, ignoring Bumbersnoot and I completely. It ran straight into Oskar, and he dropped it, then caught it in a stasis ball. He finished climbing into the vent, and Quinn and I attempted to follow him through the halls.

       We found the door that we were pretty sure led to Jak and Oskar, but unfortunately it was covered in that chitin- the hardened snot. Quinn tried the cleaning the spell on it, and it didn't work. I dug out my smithing hammer and chiseled it off- it was so gross! We were right about the location, the boys were on the other side of the door, and they were both still breathing.

       After that hell we needed to find a place to hunker down and rest. I found another moving closet, but decided not to start pulling levers this time. We looked around for a couple more minutes and found a door with broken wires beneath the panel. I had Quinn mend them, and the door began inching open- until a liquid sprayed. Oskar got tired of waiting and pried the door open.

       The room on the other side of the door was like a whole new world, compared to the snotty hallways we'd been traversing. There was a mummified corpse slumped over a desk, holding some odd device in his hand. I needed to play with it and figure it out while we rested. There was a large bed, and this was fairly comfortable living quarters that were untouched by the dragon things and the spider-scorpions. We found a secret panel in there that led to the moving closet Quinn and I had just found.

Map from "Tales from the Yawning Portal" by Wizards of the Coast

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