Castles & Gygaxes: The Ruse of Straus (Curse of Strahd)

Death House

Dramatis Personae:

Lady Claire Thundersword as Alivyre Carter the Priestess of Mask, & Zinnarath Falconsflight the Druid
Mezzem as Hollyella Hawklight the Barbarian
Rosebud Goldenrod Petunia as Herman the Fighter
Lily Trillium Petunia as Baron von Styx-bane the Blood Hunter, Terran Lightfoot the Ranger, Searos Urthudar the Dragonblood Sorcerer, Dariries Urthadar the Wizard, Graster Tigersoul the Monk, & Victacaron Tigersoul the Paladin of Tymora

Geophry Cherry Blossom Petunia as The Dungeon Master
Mithrilye as Prusaadi Falconsflight the Feylock of the Leprechaun King & Roy Mcgillox the Rogue
Lith as Stoaga Urthadar the Rogue & Ravamorel Trannyth the Bard

NOTE: Things will be from Claire's perspective as she watches this game unfold. Some parts don't make much sense, and some parts are missing because the Purple Dragon decided she needed to be as drunk as possible to play this- which she really did.

***** Uktar 4, 1489 DR (The Year of the Warrior Princess), Chateau Petunia, Blingdenstone

       Geophry called us all to the office of the Tower telling us he had a surprise for us. He had a game that he had loved reading during his time trapped here, and he wanted all of us to play it with him. He called it Castles & Gygaxes, and assured me that none of us would die for real. The book he held up to us was called "The Curse of Strahd," but apparently he can't read very well, because he called it "The Ruse of Straus." Vadania decided to watch us play instead of playing with us, she's kind of stoic sometimes.

       Then he handed each of a a piece of paper called a character sheet, and explained that these would be our characters for the game. He had made them all humans because Mommy says racism is bad, so he didn't want anyone to be racist. I knew right away I was going to need to be drunk to play this game. I was to play Alivyre Carter, a cleric of Mask... interesting. I didn't really understand what I was supposed to do though, so I just kind of followed everyone else's lead. We settled in and began the game.

       Geophry read to us; "To a party of seasoned adventurers such as yourselves, what you see is but another dull tavern in another dull town in some nameless province. It is but another span of time between the challenges of true adventuring.

       "Outside the tavern, a fog lies over the town this evening. The damp, cobbled pavement glistens as the lights of street lanterns dance across the slick stones. The fog chills the bones and shivers the soul of anyone outside.

       "Yet inside these tavern walls the food is hearty, and the ale is warm and frothy. A fire blazes in the hearth, and the tavern is alive with the tumbling voices of country folk.

       "Suddenly, the tavern door swings open, and a hush falls over the room. Framed by the lamp-lit fog, a form strides through the doorway. His heavy, booted footfalls and the jingle of his coins shatter the silence. His brightly colored clothes are draped in loose folds about him, and his hat hangs askew, hiding his eyes in shadows. Without hesitation, he walks up to your table and stands proudly in a wide stance with folded arms.

       "In an accented voice he says, 'I have been sent to you to deliver this message. If you be creatures of honor, you will come to my master's aid at first light. It is not advisable to travel the Svalich Woods at night!' He pulls from his tunic a sealed letter, addressed to all of you in beautiful flowing script. He drops the letter on the table. 'Take the west road from here some five hours march
down through the Svalich Woods. There you will find my master in Barovia.'

       "Amid the silent stares of the patronage, the gypsy strides to the bar and says to the wary barkeep, 'Fill the glasses, one and all. Their throats are obviously parched." He drops a purse heavy with gold on the bar. With that, he leaves.

       "The babble of tavern voices resumes, although somewhat subdued. The letter is lying before you. The seal is in the shape of a crest you don't recognize."*

       Rosebud's character, Herman, apparently senses danger around every corner, so he searched the letter for dangers before opening it. Rosebud then realized that his character suffered from an addiction, and asked Geophry what he was addicted to "Black tar heroins," Geophry told him. I don't know what that is, but he gave Rosebud 50 of them. He then took one of his heroins and had a hallucination; he failed a Constitution save and his stat dropped- he overdosed.

       I used a cantrip called Light to help, but it didn't help. I asked Mezzem what Sacred Flame was, and she cast it for real- apparently that's what her pillar of radiance is. Neat. That wouldn't help Rosebud's character though. So I asked what Purify Food and Drink was, and Vadania demonstrated by turning wine into water. That was decent wine too! Even though I still wasn't drunk. Damn my tolerance.

       Then Lily's character, Baron von Styx-bane, tried to take Herman's heroins and ended up hitting him instead. Then he tried to whip the hit points back into Herman, and hit me instead. Rosebud then tried to hit the hit points back from me, but I used a feat called Lucky that kept him from doing it. To make it up to him I used Purify Food and Drink on Herman's heroins.

       After this Geophry decided to fast forward to the next morning, when we were to leave for Barovia. I think he was tired of our confused bickering. So the next morning Lily decided he wanted to go shopping, but he had shitty Charisma, so he couldn't find anything. Then Rosebud did some really bad math which got him a good roll to attempt shopping with, and we found a merchant.

       The merchant had a trident that Rosebud wanted, but he wanted all of Rosebud's money and heroins for it. I tried to use a spell that charms people, but he made his save, so my spell didn't do anything. I cast Light in his face next, and told Rosebud to grab the money and the trident and run- but Mezzem somehow impaled herself on the trident... This game is weird. Lily used his whip to snag the trident and ran. The merchant began to chase us, and I used Light in his eye again, this time making him knock himself out on the door frame.

        We all ran until we got to the woods, which Geophry said were super foggy. We decided to tie a rope to each other so we wouldn't get separated in these creepy woods. I cast Light to help, but it really just made the fog even creepier. The fog eventually began to clear, and the tree branches looked like they were clawing at the mist- Geophry said they were literally clawing at the mist.

       There was a large iron gate at the town, with two creepy statues flanking it. They squeaked open as we approached. As we walked through the trees we felt surrounded by a chorus of screams that were waiting to be released. Rosebud, err Herman, caught the scent of death and Geophry said we followed it. We found a corpse that had claw marks in it that looked like it had been there for days. There was a letter in his hand, that as we grabbed Geophry said we heard a werewolf howl in the distance.

       The writer of the letter said that his daughter was bitten by a vampire- "Ooh, that's pretty scary!" Geophry interjected, interrupting himself- and that as a result he was asking for the area to be surrounded in symbols of good to help drive it away. After that Geophry said the werewolves were getting closer, so we ran back to the path. Once we were in the town Geophry read to us again:

       "The gravel road leads to a village, its tall houses dark as tombstones. Nestled among these solemn dwellings are a handful of closed-up shops. Even the tavern is shut tight.

       "A soft whimpering draws your eye toward a pair of children standing in the middle of an otherwise lifeless street."* He told us they were siblings, an older girl and a younger boy who was crying and holding a stuffed doll. His sister was shushing him, before we approached to find out what was going on.

       Geophry read to us: "After shushing the boy, the girl turns to you and says, 'There's a monster in our house!' She then points to a tall brick row house that has seen better days. Its windows are dark. It has a gated portico on the ground floor, and the rusty gate is slightly ajar. The houses on either side are abandoned, their windows and doors boarded up."*

       They told us that their parents had trapped the monster in the basement, but they didn't know what the monster was, but had heard it howling. They also said that on the third floor was Walter, their baby brother. We told them we would help them, and before we went to the house Rosebud- Herman- gave them some of his heroins.

       Then, Lith and Mithrilye said they wanted to play, and Geophry decided to rewind the entire encounter to bring them in. I don't know why the silly chair decided that was the best way to do it, but whatever. I still hadn't gotten even a little tipsy though, this was frustrating; I thought we had better booze than this.

       So now we were walking back into town, hearing the crying, etc, but this time there were two people, Stoaga and Prusaadi (Lith and Mithrilye's characters) were banging on the door of the obviously closed tavern. We talked to the kids again, got the quest to help them, and recruited the two new additions to help us.

       We opened the large wrought-iron gate, which shrieked with age as we opened it. "Hanging on the south wall of the foyer is a shield emblazoned with a coat-of-arms flanked by framed portraits of
stony-faced aristocrats."* Geophry said they were aristocats, and while I tried to explain to him what an aristocrat is, but he was not understanding- so there were cat portraits hanging in the foyer. I wish I was drunk.

       We moved into a  room with a huge staircase, with a sword hanging above the mantle- that Mezzem decided to steal for some reason. Then we went into a cloak room where I found a cloak that Chairy said was magic, I think it only makes me take one damage when hit, but we'll see; Mithrilye gave me a magic stick to go with it, but she didn't tell me what it does. Rosebud went insane from his heroins somehow, and Lith asked the spirits to help us- I have no idea what she was going on about. This wine sucks.

       The next room we entered was oak paneled, and resembled a hunter's den. "Mounted above the fireplace is a stag's head, and positioned around the outskirts of the room are three stuffed wolves.

       "Two padded chairs draped in animal furs face the hearth, with an oak table between them supporting a cask of wine, two carved wooden goblets, a pipe rack, and a candelabrum. A chandelier hangs above a cloth-covered table surrounded by four chairs."* Geophry said there were also a couple of cabinets in the room that were locked.

       I used that Light spell again- that would be such a useful spell in the Underdark! I wish I actually could do that with magic- but Geophry said that only made the room look eerie. Rosebud cut the head off of one of the stuffed wolves, and Mezzem broke into the cabinet, finding some crossbows.

       We moved on to the dining room, and Geophry again read the scene to us: "The centerpiece of this wood-paneled dining room is a carved mahogany table surrounded by eight highbacked
chairs,"*

       "Hey, they're like me!"Geophry exclaimed,

       "with sculpted armrests and cushioned seats. A crystal chandelier hangs above the table, which is covered with resplendent silverware and crystal ware polished to a dazzling shine. Mounted above the marble fireplace is a mahogany-framed painting of an alpine vale. The wall paneling is carved with elegant images of deer among the trees...

       "Red silk drapes cover the windows, and a tapestry depicting hunting dogs and horse-mounted aristocrats chasing after a wolf hangs from an iron rod bolted to the south wall."*

       Rosebud decided to attack the chandelier, but he rolled really bad, so his trident just got tangled in it instead. I used my favorite cantrip to light up the chandelier, and then Mithrilye used Eldritch Blast to shatter it, giving it a really cool effect. At this point we were kind of bored with this section of the house, so we decided to go upstairs. There was a dumbwaiter, but we couldn't really fit in the stupid thing, so we just used the stairs.

       For some reason Rosebud decided to start hacking up the stairs as we went up them, though his objective for doing that made no sense. We wound up in what Geophry called the Conservatory, before he began reading to us again: "Gossamer drapes cover the windows of this elegantly
appointed hall, which has a brass-plated chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Upholstered chairs (Like me!) line the walls, and stained-glass wall hangings depict beautiful men, women, and children singing and playing instruments.

       "A harpsichord with a bench rests in the northwest corner. Near the fireplace is a large standing harp. Alabaster figurines of well-dressed dancers adorn the mantelpiece."* Mithrilye went to play the harpsichord and broke the strings- she was not happy that her character couldn't play an instrument she was normally able to play with no issue. Rosebud then pulled out his own personal harp and played that for a moment, before his character went over to the harp in the room, and played it very well. I took one of the figurines, turns out they were well dressed skeletons, but Mithrilye told me they were magic, so I kept one. Rosebud broke the rest of them for some reason.

       We moved on to the library next, "Red velvet drapes cover the windows of this room. An exquisite mahogany desk and a matching high-back chair face the entrance and the fireplace, above which hangs a framed picture of a windmill perched atop a rocky crag. Situated in corners of the room are two overstuffed chairs. Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves line the south wall. A rolling wooden ladder allows one to more easily reach the high shelves."* Rosebud stabbed the painting for some reason, and then Mezzem found a secret doorway.

       The secret room was packed with bookshelves again, and "A heavy wooden chest with clawed iron feet stands against the south wall, its lid half-closed. Sticking out of the chest is a skeleton in leather armor... Three darts are stuck in the dead adventurer's armor and ribcage... Clutched in the skeleton's left hand is a letter bearing the seal of Strahd von Zarovich, which the adventurer
tried to remove from the chest. Written in flowing script, the letter reads as follows:

"My most pathetic servant,

I am not a messiah sent to you by the Dark Powers

of this land. I have not come to lead you on a path to

immortality. However many souls you have bled on your

hidden altar, however many visitors you have tortured

in your dungeon, know that you are not the ones who

brought me to this beautiful land. You are but worms

writhing in my earth.

You say that you are cursed, your fortunes spent. You

abandoned love for madness, took solace in the bosom

of another woman, and sired a stillborn son. Cursed by

darkness? Of that I have no doubt. Save you from your

wretchedness? I think not. I much prefer you as you are.

Your dread lord and master,

Strahd van Zarovich"*

       Lith decided to steal some of the tomes on the shelf, and Rosebud snagged the scrolls we found in the chest, giving them to me since they were on my spell list. We were pretty much done with this floor, so we headed up the stairs again to the third floor. Right before we turned to go up the stairs Mezzem- for real, not her character- jumped out of her seat, muttered something about Turvy and took off. 

       The landing to the next floor was covered in dust, which was odd since the first two floors were so pristine. The filthy landing had a suit of armor on it, and when Lith walked past it, it attacked her. She fell unconscious, but I was able to revive her when I got up the stairs. Without getting up, she slashed at it and missed. Then Mithrilye's character got up the stairs, shot an Eldritch Blast at it and missed. 

       The suit of armor lunged at me, but I used that Lucky feat that Geophry had given me, making it reroll its die- and it rolled a one, giving all of us what Chairy called an attack of opportunity. Lily's character got up the stairs at this point and disarmed the suit with his whip. Rosebud's character stabbed at it with a rapier, and missed with his trident. How in the Nine was hitting a fucking suit of armor so difficult? I missed it with my Sacred Flame cantrip, and Lith hit it with her rapier. Which I didn't think would work, since there's nothing under the armor to stab with the rapier- but Geophry said they work, probably because so many of us have the damn things. 

       The armor punched Lily's character, and Lith barely hit the damn thing again- Rosebud and I missed it again. Then somehow Mithrilye made it start punching itself, Lily joked that it should stop hitting itself right before it punched its own head off, crumpling to the ground. Rosebud wanted to put on the armor but Chairy wouldn't let him. 

       While the rest of us moved on to one room, Lily decided his character should check another room on his own. We found ourselves in a boring, dusty bedroom, but Lily was in the nursery. Remembering baby Walter, he went to check on the crib, only to have a flying skeletal looking woman fly at him. Lily's character dropped dead- "Haha! I killed you Mommy!" Geophry taunted, apparently proud of killing Lily's character; Rosebud was pissed, and yelled at the chair for hurting his Momma. It was kind of funny, would have been better if I was fucking drunk though. 

       Lily's next character, the ranger named Terran, appeared in front of the house and started to walk in, as the rest of us went into the room that Lily had just died in. We found the spectre hovering over the body of Baron von Styx-bane and Lith aimed her crossbow at it. I followed suit by throwing a Sacred Flame at it, and Rosebud's character missed with his trident, again, but hit with the rapier. Then the spectre tried to attack Rosebud, and missed. Mithrilye blasted it and Lith got the killing- rekilling?- blow in. She then drank Lily's blood to try to become a blood hunter, Geophry didn't say if it worked though.

       I checked the crib, and there was a bundle wrapped in a blanket, which looked to be baby sized. I unwrapped it and found nothing inside- fucking weird. We really need better booze in this Tower. Rosebud found a secret door behind a mirror, and at that point Lily's character joined us and said he'd join our quest. 

       The secret door revealed a cobweb filled staircase, that led up to a locked door. Thankfully Lily's last character had found the key in one of the other rooms we'd searched, so we didn't have to try to pick the lock. That door revealed a filthy hallway with more doors. The first room we entered had "a slender bed, a nightstand, a small iron stove, a writing desk with a stool, an empty wardrobe, and a rocking chair. A smiling doll in a lacy yellow dress sits in the northern window box, cobwebs draping it like a wedding veil."* The doll was fucking creepy sounding, so Lith attempted to bast it, but she missed. 

       There didn't seem to be anything useful in that room, so we moved on to what ended up being another locked door, but we had the key for it too. "This room contains a bricked-up window flanked by two dusty, wood-framed beds sized for children. Closer to the door is a toy chest with windmills painted on its sides and a dollhouse that's a perfect replica of the dreary edifice in which you stand. These furnishings are draped in cobwebs. Lying in the middle of the floor are two small skeletons wearing tattered but familiar clothing. The smaller of the two cradles a stuffed doll that you also recognize."* The doll was the same one we'd seen the crying boy holding in town earlier. Only Lily's character stayed in that room to investigate it. Lith and I walked off and found another filthy room with nothing useful inside. 

       Mithrilye's character went into a room that "is packed with old furniture (chairs (Like me!), coat racks, standing mirrors, dress mannequins, and the like), all draped in dusty white sheets. Near an iron stove, underneath one of the sheets, is an unlocked wooden trunk containing the skeletal remains of the family's nursemaid, wrapped in a tattered bedsheet stained with dry blood."* That skeleton was the spectre that had killed Lily's last character. 

       Lily's character talked to the children's ghosts, who told him that their parents had locked them in this room to protect them from the monster in the basement, and they had starved to death. He told the children we would help them and turned to leave, then the little boy possessed him. 

       Lith and I found a secret stairway and called out to everyone else, which the ghost possessing Lily said we needed to not go down. Then the ghost of the little girl possessed Rosebud, and the sister convinced her brother to come down to the dungeon with us. 

       We went down a stone spiral staircase that was filled with cobwebs and dust, Geophry said we went down about fifty feet before we were in the dark dungeon. I used my favorite spell to light up the area so we could all see since humans can't see in the dark. We could hear an eerie chanting as soon as we got into the dungeon, but we couldn't tell what the chant was saying, or where it was coming from. Lith and Mithrilye decided we should split up, even though I said that was a really bad idea. I stuck with Lily and Rosebud, since they were both possessed, I figured they needed more supervision than Lith and Mithrilye. 

       Lith and Mithrilye found living quarters in their area, and began looting the little chests in the rooms. Mithrilye decided to jump down a well that was in the area they were searching, but when she didn't find anything Lith pulled her back up. As they moved through the tunnels the chanting began to grow louder. But then Lith fell into a pit trap and died. Mithrilye used a rope to go after her in the pit to get the loot she had been carrying. 

      The ghost possessing Rosebud's character didn't like being told what to do, so I told him not to go in a room to get him to go in one. We came upon a tomb, with an empty stone coffin that had the name Elisabeth Durst carved into it. Several things seemed to happen at once: Rosebud pried open the coffin for some reason and insects began swarming out of it, Lily took some of Rosebud's heroins and got really fucked up, and then Rosebud started hitting them and they exploded- from eating the heroins. The ghost in Lily tried to go for me, but I succeeded at my saving throw. 

       The next tomb we entered held another empty coffin, and the one after that was intended for the children possessing us. We laid their remains to rest and the ghosts left Lily and Rosebud. We then found what appeared to be a dining hall, with moldy bones strewn around them room. As we looked around a grick popped out and went for us. The three of us fell upon it, the boys hacking at it while I slung spells at it. It managed to drop Rosebud, but I revived him- he rose and got the killing blow. 

       We heard shaking in the next room, and went in to find Mithrilye's character climbing out of the pit trap. Lith's new character, Ravamorel, randomly appeared in the dungeon, and four ghouls rose around her, moving aggressively toward her. We heard the sounds of fighting in the hallway. Mithrilye's character used her rope to swing across the pit to get behind the ghouls. 

       As we reached the ghouls, one of them hit Lith and she got paralyzed. Rosebud's character went to help and got hit by one of the ghouls, he went down. Another went for Mithrilye, but as I struck it it turned on me, paralyzed me and I went down. I kind of stopped paying attention after that, because I was drunk and having trouble following this confusing game. 

       Someone revived my character as Mithrilye's began throwing the ghouls in the pit. With them gone, Geophry announced that we smelled smoke. Rosebud found another set of secret stairs that led up, and everything up there was on fire. As Herman- Rosebud- touched the door, he got stuck to it; Lily's character ripped him off of the door. But pulling Herman off the door caused him to go unconscious and begin bleeding out. Lily's character revived him, and then the door lurched at him; he was now stuck to the door and bleeding. Rosebud's character ran away from the mimic and Lily's character, I suppose he just didn't know what to do. The door healed Lily's character and told him that if he fed it the rest of us it would let him live. Lily said no and died. Geophry again exclaimed with glee that he had killed mommy again. 

       Mithrilye found a set of stairs that led down, and blasted the door at the bottom- which increased the chanting. She could now make out voices saying "He is the Ancient. He is the Land."* As she looked around the room she found a small wooden coffer that held a dire wolf's withered tongue. Rosebud's character caught up with us, as we reached a portcullis that blocked our path.

       Lily's new character, the sorcerer named Searos, awoke to find himself in a bed with a chest that contained magic items at the foot of it. He was on the other side of the mimic door, and ended up getting into a nasty struggle with it, barely escaping, and rushing to catch up with us. 

       We couldn't find a way of opening to portcullis, so we turned back and went down a different path; we were now in some sort of prison. There were skeletal remains everywhere and evidence that they had been chained up with the rusty shackles that lined the walls. Mithrilye found another secret door, and once Lily's latest character caught up with us, we went down again. It seems like we find nothing but staircases here. 

       We went down the stairs and Geophry read to us: "The chanting stops as you peer into this forty-foot-square room. The smooth masonry walls provide excellent acoustics. Featureless stone pillars support the ceiling, and a breach in the west wall leads to a dark cave heaped with refuse. Murky water covers most of the floor. Stairs lead up to dry stone ledges that hug the walls. In the middle of the room, more stairs rise to form an octagonal dais that also rises above the water. Rusty chains with

shackles dangle from the ceiling directly above a stone altar mounted on the dais. The altar is carved with hideous depictions of grasping ghouls and is stained with dry blood."*

      The altar was clearly sacrificial, but we didn't know who the sacrifice was supposed to be to or what would happen if one was made. As Mithrilye got up the stairs of the dais "The chanting rises once more as thirteen dark apparitions appear on the ledges overlooking the room. Each one resembles a black-robed figure holding a torch, but the torch's fire is black and seems to draw light into it. Where you'd expect to see faces are voids.

       "'One must die!' they chant, over and over. 'One must die! One must die!'"* But when Mithrilye turned away from the dais, the chant changed. "'Lorghoth the Decayer, we awaken thee!'"* The refuse pile we hadn't paid much attention to moved to attack us. It was a shambling mound, like the one that tried to eat Roswyn and I back in Neverlight Grove. Rosebud, Lily, and I began slinging attacks at it, but it got to Lily's character and killed him again. Geophry was giddy this time at killing Lily yet again.

       Lily's new character, a wizard called Dariries, appeared hanging by his feet in chains that dangled above the dais. I was the next victim of the mound, and Geophry was so pleased to have killed me finally; he seemed to have made it his goal to kill all of us at least once in this odd game of his. Rosebud whacked the mound with his blade, Lily's new character gave it frostbite, and Mithrilye used something called Phantasmal Killer to finish it off.

       My new character, a druid named Zinnarath, appeared inside the fucking mound, because Chairy is a jackass. I turned her into a rat and began digging my way out. Mithrilye's character helped me get out of the mound. There was fire in the room I guess- I must have missed that when I was getting a new bottle- and Lily's wizard began casting that frost bite spell at it, which triggered a trap and killed him... This was getting ridiculous. 

       My character looked for another exit that wasn't on fire, but couldn't find one, so I began passing up buckets of water so we could escape this stupid house. Rosebud's character piled a bunch of food on the altar, but nothing happened. Then for some reason Rosebud attacked Mithrilye and yelled "one must die!" Lily's new character, the monk called Graster popped out of the water in the room, and knocked out Rosebud's character. 

       Then Mithrilye attacked Lily and killed his monk on the altar. Geophry said it felt like the house shuddered as Lily's latest character died. Those of us still alive ran for the window up the stairs to escape. Lith's character tripped and died before she could make it out the window, but the rest of us survived. 

       That was the end of this strange game of Geophry's. Not quite how I expected to spend the days before we fight the Pudding King. 

Photo from Curse of Strahd Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast

*Author's note: Many of the events, locations, and characters that occur in this story are from the Out of the Abyss Adventure Module or the Curse of Strahd Adventure Module by Wizards of the Coast. Anything with an asterisk next to it is a quote from the book.